Category Archives: Reversion

Jumping off place

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Every alcoholic eventually arrives at a bottom. It is different for each, for some it could be the loss of house, spouse, job, money, health and respect. For others it could merely be the threat of those losses. Something happens at which point the alcoholic decides, “This cannot go on.” It is that point at which the alcoholic decides that maybe not drinking is better than drinking. “If I continue to drink I will die.” Or, “If I stop drinking, I may just wish I were dead.”

At any rate, the alcoholic is at a crossroads. AA’s basic text, the so-called “Big Book”calls it the “Jumping off place”. It is that point at which the alcoholic decides between life or death. It may not be an easy decision, some fight with it and manage to struggle for years before finally choosing (or have the choice made for them).

Choosing life is the path to recovery from alcohol and sobriety. It is also the path back into the Father’s loving embrace as you seek His help in staying free from alcohol.

It is a choice made in today’s Gospel reading, “The Parable of the Prodigal Son” See Luke 15:11-32. The Gospel contains a verse (#17): “Coming to his senses he thought…”. This implies the son had reached a decision after some thought. He had squandered his inheritance from his father, lived as a lowly servant feeding pigs, and envied the pigs. You would think he wouldn’t take too long in deciding the right course of action, but human pride is a strange thing. Some have trouble admitting to having made bad decisions, they would rather continue on the destructive course they are on. Perhaps a form of suicide. He eventually chose to return to his father and plead for mercy and forgiveness, accepting whatever he would receive.

Rather than receiving punishment and chastisement, the son was most warmly welcomed and embraced back into the fold of his father’s house.

So to, are we received by our Father in Heaven, when we come to our senses by whatever means we arrive at, repent and ask forgiveness. We drank and hurt Him, others and ourselves. We stop and begin the painful process to picking up our lives and amending it.

If you are reading this and are an alcoholic, perhaps you have hit bottom and have made the decision to choose life. You found this blog perhaps because you were seeking tools to help in your continued recovery. That is wonderful, I do hope this place helps. Or perhaps you have yet to reach that point, and still think you do not have a problem or can handle it on your own. Your decision-making process is affected by your drinking, listen to the voices around you who may be telling you things about your behavior. Take a cold, hard look at life. Has it always been this way? perhaps things were terrible before you began drinking, but how are they now, compared to those times?

Have you come to your senses?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The healthy do not need a physician

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From the Gospel Reading for Saturday after Ash Wednesday:

Luke 5:27-32

Jesus saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the customs post.
He said to him, “Follow me.”
And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him.
Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house,
and a large crowd of tax collectors
and others were at table with them.
The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying,
“Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”
Jesus said to them in reply,
“Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do.
I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners.”

The season of Lent is the season of repentance. Lent is probably the best time of the Church’s liturgical year for people to focus on the interior life of conversion. It is that time when we seek to identify those aspects of ourselves which demand improvement or shedding.

We cannot do this on our own. As recovered alcoholics we still suffer from the disease or disorder of alcoholism regardless of how long we’ve been sober. We need a physician, as does anyone who is sick. Jesus is the Divine Physician, He comes to minister to us.

Our alcoholic past produced much pain, both in ourselves and in others. In our recovery from alcohol we needed to clean up that past and to make amends. This process resulted in the healing of our self-inflicted wounds and maybe the wounds inflicted on others. This continuing process of amending our life produces the results of our recovery. We attend to our conversion process, we continue to grow and develop.

Jesus is our healer. He heals us when we petition Him, but does so in His own time, not ours. The duration spent in healing (the waiting I feel is a part of it) helps us to grow and develop our relationship with Him. We learn from our patience and from our suffering, and we carry this education in our dealings with others. Everyone is suffering in some way. Everyone is a wounded soul. The wise know this, the fools delude themselves.

As we come to terms with our past, we move forward and learn from our experiences and the pain caused. “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” (from Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., 2001, pg 83). We have divorced our pain from the memories associated with the past actions, but we retain the experience. The memories push us forward into wanting a better future with others and with God than our past indicated. And so we repent.

“I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners,” Jesus says in John’s Gospel account. We are all sinners, but us alcoholics and addicts have perhaps been a little selfish in accepting and acting on that part of our nature. By repenting, we are truly sorrowful and contrite in our admission of our past actions. We turn to Jesus and beg forgiveness and continued healing. The graces from God are freely available in the sacrament of Confession. It is a sacrament of healing. Guilt is removed and you are restored.

Let the healing begin. Go to Confession.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Rending your hearts

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From the First Reading from the Mass for Ash Wednesday, 2007:

Joel 2:12-14

Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God. For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment.

Perhaps he will again relent and leave behind him a blessing, Offerings and libations for the LORD, your God.

The Israelites practiced circumcision on males to show fidelity and obedience to the Law of Moses, and by this, to God. Jesus did away with that as he completed and fulfilled the ancient Hebrew prophecies and established a new covenant with us. The passage I took from today’s Mass I liken to a “circumcision of the heart”, a way to show our fidelity and obedience today.

We strayed, and must return to the Lord with our whole heart. We repent from our misdeeds of the past. In this season of Lent we fast and abstain, and regarding our sins, weep and mourn.

God’s mercy triumphs over His judgment (James 2:13). Repent and be sorrowful for your sins. Offer up your sorrow to the Lord as a prayer.

Lent is a great time also to prepare for Confession, especially if you haven’t been in years.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hope is the Lord and His Church

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From the First Reading of the Mass for the Sixth Sunday of Ordinary Time (11 Feb 2007)

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Thus says the LORD:
Cursed is the one who trusts in human beings,
who seeks his strength in flesh,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a barren bush in the desert
that enjoys no change of season,
but stands in a lava waste,
a salt and empty earth.
Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose hope is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted beside the waters
that stretches out its roots to the stream:
it fears not the heat when it comes;
its leaves stay green;
in the year of drought it shows no distress,
but still bears fruit.

The first two sentences can be thought to describe how we were during our drinking careers. Although we didn’t necessarily trust in human beings while we were drinking, we wanted to. And because we were untrustworthy, we were shunned, and we turned farther away from the Lord, to stand in a lava waste, a salty and empty earth.

After hitting bottom, we turned back to the Lord, by whatever means we had. We eventually ended up learning how to stay sober in AA, and thus were introduced to the concept of a Higher Power as an aid in keeping us sober.

By our own understanding, we came to believe that Jesus is that Higher Power, and by our own willingness were guided by the Holy Spirit in seeking out the Church. Many people in AA are suggested they seek out the Church of their youth as a possible source for spiritual growth and succor. Many Catholics return to the Faith. Many grow in it, but are arrested in their development by accepting too greatly the “Higher Power” concept and regard the Catholic Church as just one of another of Christian denominations. (It isn’t, and I’ll be starting a series of irregular postings on the subject of “Why the Church?” sometime soon.)

But as a seed to that end, re-read the last two sentences of the Scripture quote above. They can be describing us, after we’ve discovered how to handle sobriety, and especially how we are after we’ve accepted Jesus and His Church as the wellspring of our new life. Our “leaves stay green” and in times of drought we “show no distress.”

The Catholic Church is the Church that Jesus established, and it is the guardian of the fullness of the Gospel and Apostolic teachings.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Keeping Your Head on Straight, Part 2 (Regular Daily Prayer)

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I seemed drawn to a more orderly prayer routine, almost liturgical in nature. Perhaps it was the daily Mass on EWTN and later my own Mass attendance at a local parish. At any rate, I found that meditating on the daily Mass readings helped me and gave my prayer life a more fulfilling routine. It also helped me to slowly start to see the year more in light of the Church’s liturgical calendar. The two periods of Ordinary Time, and Advent/Christmas, and Lent/Easter and Pentecost became as real to me as Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. And more relevant, too. This aided me in my continuing reversion to the Church. Seeing the year according to the Liturgical calendar helped me view the Church as a living, breathing organism, with its own tides and times.

When reading the Mass readings, or the Wisdom books and Gospels, I tried to discern a connection between what they were trying to say and my own sober journey. Either the path I was on, or just stuff that I was coping with then. The just gettin’ through the day stuff. Many times I got a connection, or advice on dealing with whatever I was going through. This gave an additional vibrancy to the liturgical calendar. Not to mention developing an increasingly greater tendency to seeking (or seeing) God’s will in daily life.

I then discovered the Liturgy of the Hours. This is also known as the Divine Office, An old name was the Roman Breviary. It is the official daily prayer of the Church, second only to the Mass. Mandatory for the Pope on down to the newest seminarian. Ordinary people (laity) can say it, and I’ve learned that it is increasingly popular amongst us. It is organized around the Psalms and other Biblical readings. It quite often ties in nicely with the daily Mass readings. It is ancient. Praying it connects you to all others in the Church who pray it, plus also those who’ve gone before. This gave a greater structure and sense of rhythm to my day.

To aid in that, this blog also has at the top links to the Daily Mass readings and also to the Liturgy of the Hours. The LOTH links (provided by Universalis) gives greater information on the Divine Office, if you’re curious. there is also a link in the sidebar to Presentation Ministries. In addition to also having the Mass readings, they also provide daily meditations that are beyond compare if you wish to live a radical, authentic Catholic life. They point to the ideal.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Keeping Your Head on Straight, Part 1 (Regular Daily Prayer)

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One of my early realizations about AA was that its brand of spirituality wasn’t enough for me. However, one of the good things it taught me was that a regular period of daily prayer and meditation was essential in “getting your head on straight” every morning. At first I read from daily devotionals based on AA’s 12 Steps. Then I progressed to seeking out Catholic texts. Prayer books were obvious.

The need for this is simple. We are at our weakest in the morning. It is then we are most susceptible to depression or any glum view of the day. To fall into a bad routine and not get out of it.

A regular prayer routine, starting as close as possible to when you awaken is essential to survival. Prayer connects you with something greater than yourself. Call it your “Higher Power” if you wish, but doing something ASAP in the general direction of God helps you to get your head oriented in the right direction.

In AA meetings you learn that sometimes a relapse back into drinking occurs before you actually take the drink. The mind relapses and the will follows and then the drinks start pouring. Meetings interrupt the flow of thought in the mental relapse; daily prayer affords the same benefits, but with greater spiritual effects. In prayer, in which you raise your heart and mind to God, either with Scriptural readings or set prayers written by Saints, you are allowing God in and enabling him to do His work. He recharges your batteries, rewires your electrical, fixes your plumbing. Re-orders your thought patterns. He heals.

And so I developed a routine of going through various prayer books I had, in addition to trying Bible reading (namely Psalms and the other Wisdom Books: Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiates, Song of Songs, Wisdom and Sirach. Job is tough and I set it aside for a while. Still haven’t yet read it through.) The Gospels are relaxing. Any of those are a great start in a regular routine of daily prayer. There is no greater prayer book on Earth than the Holy Bible. Fifteen minutes a day is a good start. Don’t be too surprised if you find yourself reading and praying longer.

Next post continues with specifics.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Mom

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Today, January 20, would have been my Mom’s 91st birthday. She died November 7th, 2005. Although she might have suspected that my Catholicism in the 1990’s was less than sincere, she never let on.

She watched EWTN a lot on TV. One thing she watched daily was the Divine Mercy Chaplet. (I’ve added a special collection of links in the sidebar so one can learn about Divine Mercy, in addition to a selection of EWTN links.)

She taught me to pray it and I believe that learning it was one of the crucial things that happened along the way in my return to the Catholic Church. This is in addition to the other things I told in my reversion story, but this was the single prayer I was proactive about and not just responding to any interior prompting of the Holy Spirit. This was when I engaged God and asked Him to help me, please.

I miss my Mom. I still use the rosaries she prayed the Chaplet on, and when I look at them I sense her. She told me numerous times that I was the primary reason she prayed the Chaplet.

Thanks Mom, Happy Birthday. It took many years, but you eventually saw me home.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Reversion story

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First, why I left the Church to begin with. I was a cradle Catholic, born, bred and educated. (Parochial school, K-8. Altar boy.) Although I believed everything taught me, I guess I segregated Catholicism to a corner of my life, and never used it as a filter through which everything is seen. If you live your Faith, then this is necessary, otherwise you’ll have a Faith with an Achilles’ heel. Anyway, I was going through a very bad period in life, kept praying for God to deliver me from it, and that never happened. I started doubting that God was listening, or even cared, and gradually turned to believing that religion was just a bunch of hooey designed as an instrument of control by the powerful, or used as a crutch by the weak. I left the Church and suddenly things started getting better.

So much for that.

Flash forward about 8 years when I was standing inside a bookstore and saw a copy of the new Catechism. “First one in 400 years,” the blurb on the cover said. I picked it up and read the first few paragraphs and was impressed by the writing. And so I bought it. Not that it was really significant as I was a “spiritual but not religious” seeker, and Catholicism was as good a target as any, and I thought I can just pick and choose amongst its teachings, like in a cafeteria. Glanced through it and put it aside, along with stuff on Zen and such. But a seed was planted.

Then a few months later my father died. I returned home for the funeral and despite having a few shots of vodka in me, I paid attention to the sermon. It seemed as if the priest was speaking to me. I do not remember what he said, but it seemed relevant and I had never really felt that way about any homily. The seed was watered.

A few months after that I moved back home to tend to my sick and elderly mother, and needed to go to Mass, not that I wanted too, but because I didn’t want to break her heart about how I felt about the Church. I went out of habit and not desire, and with the increasing alcoholism I paid attention less and depended on liquor more. This continued for several years and I guess during this time the seed was watered ever more. Mom probably suspected something and started praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet. She taught it to me with the daily airings on EWTN and especially on Divine Mercy Sunday. To my surprise I kept paying attention more. I still drank, but the seed planted years earlier was starting to take root.

I’ll skip over some things that’ll be covered in my ‘drunkalogue’ when I get to writing it within the next few days, but drinking got worse, I lost a nice job, developed health problems associated with drinking and ended up in the hospital. After leaving, I did nothing but watch EWTN, and read a lot of books that were laying about.

I had been going to AA meetings, but I knew early on that the brand of spirituality offered there was not going to do the job. I knew the 12 steps were going to help, but I needed something more that a vague concept of a “Higher Power”, which could be anything from God of your own making, to AA itself, to a tree stump. In the back of my mind I had known that if God was behind religion, and that religion was not a human construct, then Judeo-Christianity was it, as expressed by the Catholic Church. Bear in mind that I never doubted or disbelieved in God. Atheism was never an option. The idea that all of what you see about you and out to a few billion light-years just came into being on its own accord is ludicrous. But that’s another post for some other time. And so the seed sprouted and started to grow.

AA’s Step Three reads “Made a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, as you understood Him.” OK, I figured that with 2,000 years of history, the Church understood God better than I ever could. And despite its history it is still around, which tells me that Someone wants it around. You cannot explain that why with all the bad leadership from time to time, schism, heresy, scandal and corruption, a plague or two, wars, invading hordes, how the Church survives. Therefore I can hardly do better than to come full around and start attending Mass willingly, and going to Confession regularly and accept the Catholic Church as the One, Holy, Catholic (i.e. Universal) and Apostolic Faith established by Jesus Christ to teach and defend His Gospel. Step 3 implies that there is no reservation, no holding back, which eliminated any “picking and choosing”. No “cafeteria Catholic” here.

And so that’s that. Been sober continuously since May 22, 2002, and shortly thereafter started willingly going to Mass (daily, sometimes!!) and Confession every 2-3 weeks.

I’ve been hit with 2×4’s on occasion since, namely my Mom’s death in November 2005, and the Faith has pulled me through. So my reversion wasn’t due to vulnerability, ‘soft-headedness’ or any such thing. If that were so, then it would have collapsed.

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)