Do not fret because of the wicked

The excerpt for today is from the Office of the Readings from the Liturgy of the Hours for Tuesday of Holy Week and is Psalm 37:1-4:

Do not fret because of the wicked;
do not envy those who do evil:
for they wither quickly like grass
and fade like the green of the fields.

If you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live in the land and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire.

Source: Divine Office.org

This, then, is envy and resentment. You stopped drinking and using and have received some of the promises and benefits from sobriety, but you haven’t gotten the hang of it entirely. And your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are still havin’ a grand time out there, celebrating and carousing, and maybe teasing you for being a quitter.  

Or, you’ve been clean and sober for a nice long time, and once in a while you just watch people enjoying the gentle conviviality of a few glasses of wine during a dinner or a beer while watching a game on TV. Or, have a crisis, binge all weekend, emerge all right and not touch the stuff for a year because they didn’t have to and don’t “need” it. 

While not implying that your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are wicked (it could be used as a metaphor) the idea that someone, somewhere, out there, is having a good time doing something that could kill you if you returned to doing it does burn. I mean, even I, at times, just wish that I could, you know, have just one little…

But no.

Those who continue drinking and using go on to their own reward, which could be nothing harmful at all if they employ moderation; or they could wind up in the rooms of AA next to you. I can see it now: you’re in some church basement awaiting the start of your Thursday Night 8PM Home Group and someone sits down right next to you; but you’re so engrossed in reading a post from SoberCatholic.com that you don’t notice it’s Norm/Norma with whom you used to go around town barhoppin’. They nudge you in the shoulder and you turn and see them pointing to my post on your phone and they say “Hey, Ron/Rhonda! I read that earlier today! Funny meeting you here!” A pause and then they say “Hey,” again pointing to the SoberCatholic.com page on your screen, “Do you have this? That guy wrote it.” And they pull out and well-worn copy of “The Sober Catholic Way.” You reply, “Yeah, I got that! It changed my life! I bought a boxful off of Amazon and put them in my parish’s reading room and Adoration Chapel!” And so you renew acquaintances.

Or, your reading on that same phone the obituaries and a familiar name shows up on your doomscrolling. “Died suddenly.” You know what that means. 

On the other hand, if you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live a decent life and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire (continued sobriety.)

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Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

From his misery he raises the poor

The excerpt from the Psalmody for Evening Prayer I for the Solemnity of the Annunciation on the Tuesday in the 5th week of Lent (that’s a mouthful) is from Psalm 113:7.

From the dust he lifts up the lowly, from his misery he raises the poor.

Courtesy: Divine Office.org

As alcoholics and addicts we were shunned and cast off towrds the margins of decent society. And rightfully so, for our actions caused this. Nevertheless, God loves each and everyone of us as we are, even in the depths of our sins. He made us, how can it be otherwise? We all have equal dignity in His eyes regardless of our worldly status. So, when He sees us deep in our addiction, He is at the ready to help. Sometimes He waits for us to reach out to Him, and at other times He doesn’t wait.

Just as Mary said “Yes,” to when the Archangel Gabriel announced to her that the Holy Spirit desriref to overshadow her so as the Second Person of the trinity could manifest Himself in her and redeem the world, you can say “Yes” to Him and become another Christ-bearer to others. 

The annunciation 1667.jpg!Large.

And He is not frightening, either. This is why He came to the world as an infant. God, the Creator of All, King of the Universe (and Multiverse, if that exists) entered intto human existence as a baby. He humbled umself that much just so as to be approachable. If it helps you to approach God in thaty manner, that is, regarding Him as an infant, that is perfectly acceptable! There is a old, venerable Catholic devotion known as the Devotion to the Infant Jesus (usually involving the “Infant Jesus of Prague.”) 

BY THE WAY: THIS ISN’T A DEVOTION FOR WOMEN, ONLY! Although it appears that women would be more attracted to this, it is a great way for men to learn humility. 

These websites have detailed information on the devotion to the  Infant Jesus. 

The Story of the Infant Jesus of Prague

Infant Jesus of Prague History & Devotion

Infant Jesus of Prague Novenas, Chaplet & Devotions

Prayers and Devotions to the Divine Infant Jesus of Prague

The Infant Jesus of Prague (EWTN!) Mother Angelica had a huge devotion to the Infant Jesus! See:

“Build Me a Temple”: Mother Angelica’s Mystical Visions of the Divine Child Jesus,

Mother Angelica describes her vision of the Divine Child Jesus,

and finally: Divino Niño Day

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lenten Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows: Day 7

Day 7 (Tuesday)

Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

He is dead. He, through whom all things were created; the King of Heaven and Earth, is now dead. His body hangs lifeless upon the gibbet He was crucified on to atone for the sin of Adam and Eve and all those who inherited their legacy.

His friends raise up a ladder up to reach Him and remove the nails which have pierced His hands and feet. They gently bring Him down and lay Him in the arms of His Sorrowful Mother. She gently holds Him, weeping over the brutality visited upon His body: the wounds, gashes, blood, and sweat still present. Pietà - Hallwylska museet - 107520.
Mary was also sorrowful unto death. Sorrowful for our sins which did this to her Son. She grieved a deeper grief than anyone before or since has felt. In her sinless nature, preserved from committing the least fault because God redeemed her at her conception, and preserved her from sin so she could be the tabernacle of the Lord, she felt the pain of our sins ever more profoundly (given that she never felt the pain of anything she, herself, had done.) The pain she felt all her life, the seven swords of sorrow that pierced her heart, was all due to other’s rejection of Jesus. Think about this as you continue your life’s journey. Especially during this Lenten season as we use this period to remove our character defects and grow closer to the Lord: Mary is there to help you. She points the way to Jesus and she will help you remove from your actions the things that cause Him offense. For it is not just jesus that is sorrowful for your sins, but Momma Mary, too. 

Let me mingle tears with thee,
Mourning Him who mourn’d for me,
All the days that I may live:
By the Cross with thee to stay;
There with thee to weep and pray;
Is all I ask of thee to give.
(Stabat Mater)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hide not your face from me in the day of my distress

The excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass of Tuesday of the Fifth Week of Lent is from Psalm 102:2-3.

O LORD, hear my prayer, and let my cry come to you.

Hide not your face from me in the day of my distress.

Incline your ear to me; in the day when I call, answer me speedily.

COURTESY:  USCCB

This is similar to the lesson for Lord, on the day I called for help, you answered me. The day of your distress could have been any day during your active addiction; or it could have been your last, that day when you finally cried out to the Lord for help. It may not have been a literal prayer to God, but just a scream from the depths of your soul. Nevertheless, he did not hide His face from you but answered you. And now you are clean and sober (or soon to be.) Keep on the path, pray every day so that he hears your daily cries for help, or words of gratitide and praise. God is your partner in this and He leads you along the Way.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lenten Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows: Day 1

There is an old, pre-1969 Catholic devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows. Prior to the revision of the liturgical calendar in 1969, the Friday after Passion Sunday was known as the Feast of the Seven Dolors/Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. (It’s confusing as this is now the Fifth Sunday of Lent and it gets more confusing as the next Sunday is Palm Sunday with its Passion readings.) Since this Feast of Our Lady essentially duplicated the September 15th Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, it was deleted from the calendar in 1970. (I think it was a mistake to do this, but I was only six at the time and no one bothered to ask me.)

There was also a Novena as a part of this old liturgical date; I learned of it from an old prayerbook from 1953 entitled, “Mary, My Hope,” by Fr. Lawrence Lovasik. (There is an updated, post-Vatican II version released, I think, in the 1970s.) 

Since Our Lady told St. Bridget of Sweden that…

“I have obtained this grace from my divine Son, that those who propagate this devotion to my tears and dolors will be taken directly from this earthly life to eternal happiness, since all their sins will be forgiven and my Son will be their eternal consolation and joy.”

… and since I really, really, really, want to skip Purgatory, I am going to “propagate this devotion” by posting every day from today through next Thursday, the Vigil of the deprecated feast, a short novena to Our Lady of Sorrows. (I only have nine previous posts on the Sorrowful Mother! I’d better get bloggin’!) Each day is based on one of her Sorrows. It’s not much, more like just some things for you to ponder.

Our Lady of Sorrows 1.
Here it goes:

Today: Day 1 (Wednesday)

The Prophecy of Simeon

We first learn of the sorrowful path Our Mother will trod during her life when we read of when she and St. Joseph took the Child Jesus to the Temple for the ritual presentation of the first born. St. Simeon saw the Christ Child and through the Holy Spirit was informed He is the Messiah. Simeon was promised that he would not die until he saw him. He did, and he approached Mary and Joseph and taking the babe in his arms, uttered the “Nunc Dimmittis,” which forms a part of the Church’s Night Prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours.

“Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and glory for your people Israel.”

Luke 2:29-32 Courtesy: USCCB

Continuing on, St. Simeon tells Mary:

“Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” (Luke 2:34-35)

The points for you to ponder and meditate of are Mary’s foreknowledge of the suffering she (and Jesus) will endure and how she bore it throughout her life; and how Our Lady accepts this sorrow before it happens. Lent is a very appropriate time to think about these things…

Although the Scripture passages don’t mention this, it is likely that Simeon’s prophecy was among those things Our Lady kept in her heart and pondered during her life. So, this will be a further reminder about the contemplative dimension of Catholic prayer life: there is action (a good, especially the works of mercy) but there also is prayer, another good: that quiet prayer when you dwell within your soul and touch God who dwells there.

At the Cross her station keeping,
Stood the mournful Mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last:

Through her heart, his sorrow sharing,
All his bitter anguish bearing,
now at length the sword has pass’d.

(Stabat Mater)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Taking up your daily cross

The Gospel for the Thursday after Ash Wednesday:

Jesus said to his disciples:
“The Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected
by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes,
and be killed and on the third day be raised.”

Then he said to all,
“If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself
and take up his cross daily and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
What profit is there for one to gain the whole world
yet lose or forfeit himself?”

Courtesy USCCB

Taking up your daily cross is something few really enjoy doing. Even if you pray every morning the traditional Morning Offering (or any variant) in which you offer up all of your prayers, joys, and sufferings; and habitually “offer up” to God when the happen your pains, aches, fears, worries and anxieties; insults and attacks on your dignity as a human person; and all the other “stuff” that happens throught the day that we wish would just “go away,” it is still preferable for any f that to not have happened.

Yet Jesus is clear, if we are to folllow Him as His disciples, we must join ourselves to His propitiatory sacrifice of Calvary. Just as He was offered up in sacrifice to atone for the sins He was not guilty of; so, to, must we offer ourselves and our sorrows and sufering to atone for the sins we did not commit. All sin is an affron to God and disturbs the moral order, which has an impact in the physival world. Therefore, when we accept our crosses, we help out in repairing some order to the world about us. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lourdes, the Immaculate Conception, the Militia of the Immaculata and Sobriety

Reblogged from several years ago and edited slightly:

This is a story about a Marian feast day, its significance; a saint and what he did with it; and what all this meant for yours truly.

Today is February 11th, day when  Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette Soubirous in a grotto near Lourdes, France in 1858.

The apparition was significant in several respects: the most important was that Our Lady identified herself with the words, “I am the Immaculate Conception.” Not that she was “immaculately conceived,” but rather she was the essence of the immaculate conception. As St. Maximilian Kolbe later pointed out (this is a paraphrase) “To be white is one thing, to be whiteness is another.”

For another, it seemed as if Heaven was endorsing the definition of the Dogma of Mary’s Immaculate Conception in 1854 by Pope Pius IX in Ineffabilis Deus:

“We declare, pronounce and define that the doctrine which asserts that the Blessed Virgin Mary, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God, and in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, Saviour of the human race, was preserved free from every stain of original sin is a doctrine revealed by God and, for this reason, must be firmly and constantly believed by all the faithful.”

And one more: that Mary’s self-identification as the Immaculate Conception was utterly fascinating and mysterious to St. Maximilian Kolbe, who meditated and pondered on it his entire life. It inspired his “Militia of the Immaculata” and associated media enterprises and friaries.

I discovered St. Maximilian Kolbe and the Militia of the Immaculata in 2002, after I had sobered up sufficiently to search online for what the Catholic Church has to offer me in recovery. As I had stated in my Reversion story, “I had been going to AA meetings, but I knew early on that the brand of spirituality offered there was not going to do the job.” And so I explored the religion of my childhood and never looked back. That St. Max was a patron of addicts helped. When I learned that, I explored more about him.

So I found out about St. Max and the M.I. The M.I. calls for consecrating oneself to the Blessed Mother as her “possession and property” so she can “make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases” her. That she will use me as “a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing your  (note: God’s) glory to the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.” I figured if that’s true (and I never doubted the Blessed Mother) then this may help in my recovery. I doubt that remaining a drunk would be of use to her. This blog post Marian Consecration and the Guarantee of Eternal life expands on how Marian Consecration can help your sobriety. In short, when you become Mary’s possession, she guides you along the path to Jesus. Consecration can heal you, not in any miraculous way (but that could happen!) but it can help you focus and give a new dimension to your prayer and devotional life. I firmly believe that if you consecrate yourself to Mary, the probability of relapse should vanish (your willing cooperation with the graces received through Mary’s interession is assumed.)

And so on October 7, 2002, on the Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary, I gave myself to Mother Mary. I joined the M.I. which “is a universal and international public Association of the faithful, erected by the Holy See. The MI was founded by St. Maximilian Kolbe, OFMConv., in 1917, is open to Catholics, of all walks of life, and encourages all people of good will to develop a trusting relationship with Our Lady. The aim of the MI is to win the whole world for Christ through the Immaculata, Mother of God and of the Church.

“The MI is a global vision of Catholic life under a new form, consisting in the bond with the Immaculata, our universal Mediatrix before Jesus.” -St. Maximilian Kolbe.

The MI offers programs that: -Provide formation in the teachings of the Catholic Church
-Foster love for Jesus in the Eucharist and for the Sacramental life
-Promote a deep understanding of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s role in the plan of Salvation and of the gift of consecration to her in the spirit of St. Maximilian Kolbe.
-Ignite with the zeal to become generous instruments of evangelization in one’s own environment, giving witness to the Truth and promoting the sacredness of human life.
M.I. members, mindful of their call to evangelize, strive to give witness to the Faith everywhere. They seek to reach out to their own families, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, the sick and elderly, youth, adults, and whomever they meet, in order to lead every individual with Mary to Christ, Our Savior and Our Hope.

(Above quote courtesy of M.I. You can also visit that link to learn more about the MI and St. Maximilian Kolbe, along with possibly joining yourself!)

I think Mary started using me right afterwards. She strengthened me against what I perceived as attacks against my Faith in my AA Home Group as well as giving me the courage to stop attending meetings regularly in 2004. Not that I am advocating everyone should stop going to meetings; on the contrary, if you enjoy and need regular meeting attendance, by all means do it. It just wasn’t for me.

Once I drifted from AA, I began looking into what recovery resources the Church offers. You can read about that here: “About this blog.” After a whle I just decided to start Sober Catholic; I mentioned in some earlier post that I believe the Blessed Virgin Mary “inspired” me to do it. A “fruit,” if you will, of of my M.I. Consecration. Not that I received any interior locution or some such thing, just a desire that since no one else was doing this at the time, I might as well. I doubt I’d have the courage on my own.

So here’s the story: A apparition of the Blessed Mother; a saint’s taking that apparition and message and developing it; and a marginal ex-drunk finding a personal mission in it – Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny and taking whoever bothers to read this stuff along with him.

So that’s that! The sanctuary or Our Lady of Lourdes in France is famous for miraculous healings wrought there. Over 7,000 miralulous healinga have been reported since 1858; only 72 (so far) have been confirmed by the Church to me truly miraculous.) Because of that, Pope St. John Paul II also declared today to be the “World Day of the Sick” in 1993. We alcoholics, even though we may be sober, are still “sick.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Prayer request for a homeless addict and thoughts on unworthiness

I received an email a few days ago (only saw it today as it was in my Junk folder☹️) from Richard S., a homeless addict in the United Kingdom. I won’t post his entire email here out of respect for privacy (even though it lacks personal identifying info.)

Some points, however:

I’m a Catholic and I’m an addict in England, UK. I’m struggling like hell.  I recently was given a copy of your book “The Sober Catholic Way” and it’s truly helping me. 

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If you only knew how it feels to discover your writing has made an impact!

 I feel as if I’ve let my Blessed Mother, Mary down and I’m not worthy.  Let alone our Lord Jesus. Anyway, many blessings and love to you and your family.

This part touched me. Who among us hasn’t felt this way? I replied:

About you letting Mama Mary and Jesus down: they perfectly understand. Mary’s love and Jesus’ mercy is greater than our deepest faults and flaws and our inability to overcome them. This is something everyone forgets from time to time, including me. Mary is a good Mother and will help lead you closer to Jesus. 

And so I am asking you for prayers for Richard S. (If you’re in the UK and know of resources for homeless addicts; and Richard does have access to medical personnel, he probably knows what’s available, but just in case something is overlooked, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com .)

Richard is also a member of the Militia of the Immaculata. It’s UK Center is: Militia of the Immaculata in Great Britain and Ireland.

Here’s how to order it: The Sober Catholic Way.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Exploring hurt people hurting other people

This is a followup to Hurt People Hurt People. It was originally published on Paul Sofranko Space, but I edited it for Sober Catholic. It describes how a person might become an ‘antagonist,’ but for a fictional setting; this may be added to the backstory of a character in a novel I’m working on. I firmly believe that writing has tremendous therapeutic value, and writing fiction is a way to deal with trauma. This post explores how a “bad person,” maybe a “hurt person who hurts others” got that way in the first place. While it is easy to create bad people who are just evil, it is more realistic to show how root causes have driven them to be who they are; all of which could have been avoided. Perhaps they can be redeemed.

This is drawn from personal traumas I referred to the the “Hurt people…” post (the 1995 incident referred to but I didn’t reveal; and the 2005 death of my Mom and the aftermath,) although some elements in it are speculative or conjectural.

There are two people, Person A (“PA”) and Person B (“PB”). PA also has accomplices or people sympathetic, but PA is the ringleader; possibly through fear and intimidation. PB is mostly alone.

PA and accomplices had screwed over PB to the point of driving him to consider suicide. PB is figuratively broken, bruised, bloodied and wounded and is cast aside. He is left to wondering “Why?”

This had poured salt into a wound created years before when PA grievously harmed PB with unjust accusations. PB had been wondering “Why?” about that ever since; this new event just made things worse, hence the consideration of suicide. PB’s discovery through one of PA’s accomplices that PA doesn’t even remember this older event just adds salt to the wound.

The “Whys?” were never addressed. PB never gets answers. PA, et al., have moved on from the event and put it behind them; after all, they were the antagonists and know the “Whys?” (if there were actually any) and have dealt with whatever they need to. Not so with PB. For him, hurt and pain continue and becomes an integral part of his existence. Without understanding the “Whys?” PB never fully recovers and is changed for the worse.

PB struggles with things and tries to relate best to the reality about him but feels alone as no one really stood up and defended him during the events; and afterward others are uncomfortable or indifferent; as such he trusts others little and presumes bad motives. He tried to defend himself during the horrors, but was out gunned and outnumbered. PB also had a weak and vulnerable base from which to defend himself, being faced with certain survival issues at the same time.

His obsession with PA and the others (his frequent dwelling on the “Whys?” and such,) and wishing it never happened or fantasizing about vengeance or at least something happening to bring about justice, and knowing that it will probably never come to pass has lead PB to become something of an antagonist himself; while wanting to be “good,” he feels he cannot risk that and needs to put himself and his feelings first.

Meanwhile, PA and the others are to all appearances “good people,” and if they bother to discuss the events at all, it is to the disparagement of PB. As PB isn’t around to defend himself and no one else is willing to defend him, his reputation suffers. Only one side of the story gets told.

So, a combination of time leading PB to become “bad” in the eyes of PA and accomplices, and PA, et al., becoming “good” has only worsened things for PB. PB was the victim; he never deserved the treatment. But due to powerlessness and no healing because PB never learned “Why?” has stunted PB and left him emotionally back where everything took place. And thus PB is ‘bad,’ not ‘evil’ but due to the woundedness and lack of answers leading to justice and healing, PB’s actions are difficult.

PB is not a “whiner,” nor one who touts “victimhood.” He had difficulty in “getting over it” but is one who is truly wounded and has never gotten the needed healing or justice.

The only thing that can heal PB is justice and knowledge. He has to know why the treatment was meted out almost to the point of driving him to suicide. PA and accomplices have to make amends, both psychological and emotional. Material amends would be a bonus, but PB knows that will never happen. (PB perhaps suffered some material loss in income over his inability to manage and cope for a while.) At any rate, PA and the others have to make certain sacrifices to undo the harm they caused.

So, that’s it. A person is a victim of unjust action which were never redressed. The hurt party is still wounded despite time and some attempts at healing, but lingering issues prevent full healing. Hence, the pain has transformed him into an ‘antagonist.’ (This is where this fictional exercise departs from any “autobiographical” account. In fiction, we can safely explore the “What ifs.”) PB is wounded and that woundedness causes him to wound others. The degree to which he becomes an antagonist varies: there is him merely being a jerk, all the way to him becoming single-mindedly focused on achieving world domination and bending people to his will, severely punishing others in the process. He says “Mwuahahahahahahahaha!” a lot.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hurt people hurt people

I often run across memes online with the phrase “Hurt people hurt people.” This means that people who have been hurt turn around and hurt others. It is assumed that since they’ve never experienced any healing from the hurt, or even justice for it, the  wound festers and they respond by hurting others.

I sympathize with the rationale behind “hurt people hurt people.” It’s hard to be sensitive to other people’s pain when your own has never been completely healed, or the ones who hurt you seem to continue on happy and healthy as if nothing happened.

I do not always think that the pain rendered unto me by the actions of my family after my Mom died in 2005 has ever been completely dealt with, and certainly “justice” (however that is defined) has never been enacted. Nor has the pain from the trauma my sister visited upon me in 1995 been dealt with (I thought I had blogged about that incident, but I can’t find any post on it. So be it, let it rest, for now. 2025 is the 20th and 30th anniversaries of many traumas. The dates are coming up in a coiuple of months.) For all of that, it’s easy for me at times to be resentful and less than empathic towards others. I am a hurt person who once in a while hurts others. Bear in mind that everyone does this; but at least I know the source of where it comes from. We all walk around broken and wounded. The wounds are there; some healed over, others not so much. 

It is obvious from all this that people need healing, and that access to effective and affordable mental health resources is imperative. Also, people need to embrace forgiveness. If a hurt person cannot get access to mental health resources, then “forgiveness” may help as far as it goes.

There is one method by which a person who has been hurt can find healing and perhaps justice as well. Although much patience is required.

“Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.”

That is a passage from the Bible. You can’t get a better method of justice than God going to bat for you and doing unto others what should be done unto them.

St. Paul refers to it explicitly in his Letter to the Romans:

Romans 12: 17-19

“Render to no one harm for harm. Provide good things, not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of all men.

If it is possible, in so far as you are able, be at peace with all men.

Do not defend yourselves, dearest ones. Instead, step aside from wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine. I shall give retribution, says the Lord.”

St. Paul was quoting (“For it is written”) the Book of Deuteronomy 32:35: “Vengeance is mine, and I will repay them in due time, so that their foot may slip and fall.” 

Granted, this is something that will happen “in God’s time;” and while we would rather those who’ve hurt us to get their comeuppance in our lifetime (and quickly!) and maybe even being able to witness it; this is one of those things that it is better to wait for. God’s justice is sweeter when it happens when it’s supposed to. 

It is also important to note that the people on whom God will wreak His vengeance and justice on are those who are unrepentant. I think that if those who’ve hurt you realize the gravity of their actions and repent, even if they do not outright make amends to you, “somehow” God will pass a healing on to you. (Based on this, my family hasn’t repented; I have passed out of family history, mostly fogotten and unregarded. At best, a footnote mentioned at gatherings.)

Another Scripture verse harkens to this vengeance:

Psalm 23:5 “You set a table before me in front of my enemies…”

What better vengeance than for God to bestow His blessings on you in the sight of those who’ve hurt you? This could be in this life; your ‘enemies’ witnessed you moving on from the pain they’ve caused and you seem (outwardly, at least) unharmed.

But it could also be in the next life. You die and enter Heaven, joining in the celebrations of the “wedding feast of the Lamb (Rev 19:1-10).” That incredible eternal feast which takes place after the Second Coming and the final triumph of good over evil and the resurrection of the dead, where all the faithful gather in joyous union with the glorified Christ.

Just think about the possibility of your unrepentant and unforgiven enemies witnessing this from the tortures of Hell (which I think may be one way to increases their suffering.) These are the people who have willfully done you serious harm; whether it be crimes such as physical or psychological abuse, or something else (neglect, bigotry, prejudice…) They have also probably harmed many others. Now they are paying the price for their sins and deservedly so. 

Take heart, of sorts: there is no need for you to nurture the pain with in you as a reminder of past injuries, dwelling on the injustices done unto you and dreaming of a way to get even; or, worse, spread the pain onto others by treating them the same way you had been. For when a “hurt person” “hurts others,” they are no better than those who’ve hurt them. Worse, even for they know the pain and should be sensitive to that pain in others.

Leave it up to God. He knows exactly why those people hurt you. He knows what’s in their hearts and souls and He alone can wreak proper justice. If that includes Divine Vengerance, so be it. Better Him than you. 

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