Living in the Spirit: a Meditation on Pentecost

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Alcohol poisons the spirit. A person begins to see alcohol as a conduit of the spirit, and jokes abound as to the wisdom discovered at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. Great insights into the mystique of human existence and divine wonders are often discerned, sensible sounding while under the influence, ridiculously absurd after a sobering up.

Although the physical debilitation of alcoholism is the last aspect of the illness, alcoholism itself can be considered to be primarily a disease of the flesh. The flesh (in Christian terms the “spirit of the World”) desires alcohol because it provides the satisfaction lacking from any other source . One has a “hole in the soul” that seems to be best filled by drinking. The flesh assumes the role of the spirit, and the painful descent further into the illness of alcoholism gets deeper.

The Solemnity of Pentecost is this weekend (26/27 May 2007) and the gifts of the Holy Spirit are available to all who seek them. Pray during Mass this weekend for the strength, the power and the courage of the Holy Spirit to bolster you against temptations of the flesh. Be they a desire to drink, or for inappropriate sexual behavior, or something else sinful, try to rely and lean upon the Holy Spirit in your times of struggle.

St. Paul writes of this in his letter to the Galatians:

Galatians 5:16:

…live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh.

Living in the Spirit marks you as different. Not necessarily by any means discernible to others, but nevertheless your desires and motivations are different from those who live according to the World’s morality. You are not guided by a need to satisfy the craving for the pleasures of alcohol (or other cravings). You are liberated from the limitations of fleshly desires and the lies that abound concerning the wonders of those ways. Those lies only serve to destroy you. Lies about the fun of alcohol or the pleasures of porn and illicit sex. They all debase the human condition and mar the dignity of the human being. Shun those lies and turn to the Holy Spirit.

We humans are dignified creatures, made in the image and likeness of our Creator. We deserve better than behavior and thinking that impugns that dignity.

From EWTN:

Come, Holy Spirit

(In English)

Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Thy faithful and enkindle in them the fire of Thy love.

V. Send forth Thy Spirit and they shall be created.
R. And Thou shalt renew the face of the earth.

Let us pray. O God, Who didst instruct the hearts of the faithful by the light of the Holy Spirit, grant us in the same Spirit to be truly wise, and ever to rejoice in His consolation. Through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

(In Latin)

Veni, Sancte Spiritus, reple tuorum corda fidelium: et tui amoris in eis ignem accende.

V. Emitte Spiritum tuum, et creabuntur.
R. Et renovabis faciem terrae.

Oremus. Deus, qui corda fidelium Sancti Spiritus illustratione docuisti: da nobis in eodem Spiritu recta sapere; et de eius semper consolatione gaudere. Per Christum Dominum nostrum.

Amen.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

5th Anniversary and an old relapse

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May 22nd marks the anniversary of my last drink. It was late in the evening on 22nd of May 2002 that I downed my last slug of vodka. What followed were 88 hours of sleeplessness and various auditory, tactile and visual hallucinations as I withdrew.

I didn’t go to the hospital, but I should have. I was not incapacitated, as I knew that what I was witnessing was not real. Imagine that, I hallucinated, and knew they were hallucinations and didn’t act on them.

The imaginary shadow-birds on the ceiling; the 1970’s era Japanese-made transistor radio playing “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees over and over in my left ear; the invisible fly buzzing; the blizzard in my living room, grasshoppers crawling over the plants in the family room; the bed that rocked back and forth like a raft at sea (and I could control the imaginary movements by will); to the weird albino western movie-voyeur scene playing on the ceiling; something repeatedly kicking me in the heel; the cat with glowing red eyes that walked into my bedroom late one night; mysterious red and green glowing lights crisscrossing on the ceiling, that I could slow down and make disappear at will. The strangest were the beautiful women in standard office attire at Mass that kept appearing with clipboard at hand out of the corner of my eyes, then disappeared when I looked at them. They went away finally when a 30-foot tall Franciscan friar, also bearing a clipboard, chased them. There were other hallucinations, but those stick out 5 years later.

I had relapsed. I had stopped drinking on February 3rd, and not because I had taken AA’s First Step and declared myself powerless over alcohol. I stopped drinking because I had no physical ability to get to a liquor store. Too weak. Liquor had debilitated me physically. I had attended AA meetings for 7 months, listened but didn’t apply. I liked to drink too much. Finally I just couldn’t physically leave the house, had DT’s and imagined my teeth falling out. I asked my poor Mom to call 911 (emergency number in the USA in case any foreigners are reading), and I waited outside in the bitter cold, hallucinating that a fleet of ambulances were parading down the street. When one finally showed up I claimed to be the local mayor and they were in deep trouble for their tardy response. I also hallucinated that a New York Times camera crew were there filming. (Yes, I know they’re a newspaper. I was hallucinating.) My Mom had been trying to get me to go back inside, begging and pleading, but I refused, demanding that she instead return inside. How I didn’t physically assault her in my frustration with her refusal to go back in is a mystery. My Guardian angel and hers must have been wrestling with me. It did seem as if a great force was holding me back. (The ambulance guys had not yet arrived. No neighbor had shown up before the ambulance.) I’m not kidding about the angels. I believe they exist. (It’s actually a solid teaching of the Church that they exist. Required belief if you’re a Catholic.)

Anyway, I ended up at the Hospital and 6 days and $10,500 later I was dry and sober. Sober as in “not drinking”. Why I went back to drinking 3 1/2 months later is a mystery. I remember being stressed out over a series of family visits and some impending ones (I have an estranged relationship with them. Back then I tolerated them because they only visited to see Mom.) But I also remember feeling good and happy and on top of things when I casually strolled into the liquor store and bought a pint of vodka. It’s cunning, baffling and powerful, that alcohol.

Anyway, that was then, this is now. Five years. Been through job losses, Mom’s death, loss of her house (I wasn’t in a financial position to buy it from the estate, though I did receive my share of the inheritance), loss of family due to serious issues regarding grief and coping with her death and the aftermath, financial troubles early on, loss of my AA sponsor for reason’s I have no clue over. Enduring underemployment and a job search that’s tough as I am “returning to the workforce” after a few years away (due to care giving for Mom prior to her death and the need to deal with her death and the secondary losses, and prior to that being out of work due to the alcohol. (Read my drunkalogue.) I’m just glad I sobered up a few years before Mom needed me in her final years. Because of me and my care, she lived longer and knew she was loved. She was able to remain in her home and not move away to my sister’s, a place she would have hated. (My sister’s house, not my sister. Though if she knew how my sister treated me after her death…)

These things that have happened have steered me away a bit from AA’s “One day at a Time (ODAAT)” slogan. That isn’t good enough for me. “ODAAT” means that today, I won’t drink, tomorrow, well, let’s wait and see. When tomorrow comes, just say, “No, I won’t drink today.” There’s too much room for alcohol to sneak in and suggest itself as a solution to my troubles. I’ve been through a lot of bad stuff these past few years, and I know dang well that just a little window of opportunity is all it needs, just a little time to work it’s way into my decision-making process. Instead I have developed the idea that “No matter how good, or how bad, drinking is not an option.“ Period. Ever. This forces me to dismiss it outright, not just for today, but forever. This is not like saying “I can never drink again”, and getting overwhelmed by that, which is why the ODAAT idea developed. It’s situational. Regardless of what is going on, drinking is not on the table.

It simply isn’t what I do anymore. I do not drink. It just isn’t considered. No time issue of today or forever is involved. It just isn’t done.

No matter what.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Grief will become joy

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A portion of the Gospel from today’s Mass (Friday, Sixth week of Easter – after Ascension Thursday) is familiar to anyone who has grieved over the loss of a loved one:

John 16:20-22

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn,
while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.

Grief is like a crucible, or a wine press, through which something new is made. You were a certain way before the person died, now that one is gone and is no more. You have to create a “new normal” out of the wreckage of the old life. You need to accommodate a life that no longer contains the loved one anymore, and never will (at least not until our Heavenly reunion). Grief is an anguishing pain that cannot be avoided if you are to successfully heal and establish that “new normal”. It is a pain that you need to move through rather than around. Moving through it is the anguish and the agony of the loss. It is also the healing.

Out of your grief will come an eventual joy. How long, is unknown. It is different for each person. It is not the joy, however, of those who have never lost anyone to death. It is the joy of someone who, through the loss of a beloved to death, has become closer to God because death connects you to Eternity. Before it was an abstraction. Now it is a reality, a distinct place where someone you loved now (hopefully) is. Death is now a passageway, or perhaps a companion, to Eternal life.

Be not afraid.

(NOTE: This has essentially little to do with the primary purpose of this blog, namely, to learn to live a sober life guided by the Catholic Faith and its spirituality. But I have been to enough grief supoport groups to realize that grief is often the trigger that initiates the development of alcoholism, or is the cause of a relapse. I know, I seriously wanted a drink, daily and hourly, after my Mom died over 18 months ago. But I didn’t. So from time to time I will write about grief.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Catholic Resources

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As I hope you’ve noticed, there’s a collection of links along the sidebar entitled “For All Things Catholic…” This is a list of very excellent resources on the Catholic Faith. Everything from the Vatican’s website with it’s vast body of information, to other excellent sites such as Catholic First, New Advent, Catholic Answers, Scripture Catholic and PhatMass. All these contain pretty much anything you ever want and need to know about the Catholic Church from throughout its 2,000 year history. Much of the documentation extends back that far. Historical writings and records proving the scriptural basis of Catholic teaching along with proof of the Church’s historical continuity from the time of the Apostles through today can all be found in those sites (along with a few I didn’t mention, but are listed in the links.)

There’s another site that I just discovered on Dymphna’s Well (a wonderful blog listed in my “Blogs of Interest” links section). The site is Catholic Digital Studio a vast storehouse of everything from catechesis (learning about the Faith, beginning to advanced), apologetics (again, beginning to advanced) to scores of free classic and modern texts and audiofiles.

I’m agog and in awe of this site. Much of it duplicates some of the other places I’ve listed, but it’s a great one-stop-shop to learn about Catholicism.

View it as a fun way to learn, not as something that’s intimidating. Think of the fun you’ll have digging through all this neat stuff.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Understanding will guard you

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The next selection in the Wisdom Dose (no longer Daily, but only occasionally, sorry) comes from Proverbs 2:9-11;

Then you will understand rectitude and justice, honesty, every good path;
For wisdom will enter your heart, knowledge will please your soul,
Discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you

In a way it relates rather well to the upcoming Solemnity of Pentecost. For in those passages we see the kind of guidance and protection that the Holy Spirit can provide us if we struggle to do God’s will.

We learned (or should have learned) in catechism class as children (or as adults in RCIA) that the Gifts of the Holy Spirit are Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Counsel, Fortitude, Piety and Fear of the Lord. We see these reflected in the above scriptural passage.

Gifts such as these are excellent ones to pray for during the Pentecost Novena, which I wrote about in the previous post.

Think about them when you pray it. Offer them up as a petition.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Pentecost Novena

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After His Resurrection, Jesus remained with His disciples for 40 days. He Ascended into Heaven to return to the Father, and promised that He would send the Advocate (The Holy Spirit, a/k/a The Third Person of the Holy Trinity to guide us.) Pentecost was ten days after His Ascension, and after their day’s journey return to Jerusalem, the disciples gathered to pray for nine days.

Acts 1:12-14

Then they returned to Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is near Jerusalem, a sabbath day’s journey away. When they entered the city they went to the upper room where they were staying, Peter and John and James and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew, James son of Alphaeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James.
All these devoted themselves with one accord to prayer, together with some women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and his brothers.

Thus begins the Catholic tradition of praying a novena. It is a prayer of nine day’s duration. Not 24 hours a day for nine days, although the above Scriptural passage seems to imply that they prayed that intensely. Nowadays, it is a prayer of varying duration, said once a day for nine days.

The novena is usually prayed to a saint or angel, and only in request for their intercessory powers for a particular intention. It may be more accurate and correct to say “pray though a saint” instead of “pray to a saint”, as the latter implies idolatry. When a Catholic ‘prays to a saint”, they are only asking for the saint’s powers of intercession with God. A saint has no power whatsoever to grant any request, only God can at the behest of the saint. This is quite like when Protestants and Evangelical Christians engage in prayer circles (or whatever it’s called when they contact people to pray for someone’s health or something). Only a Catholic is asking someone in Heaven to intercede for them.

In commemoration, or better yet, in emulation, of the original novena, I recommend that you start a novena. You can find an excellent one here at Presentation Ministries. They are an apostolate in Cincinnati, Ohio, United States, that publishes a daily devotional (meditations) called “One Bread, One Body”, (also known as “OBOB”). If you scroll to the top of Sober Catholic and look at the “Daily Mass Reading” section, click on the little link that says “Reflections”. That will take you to their website and that day’s meditation. There is also immediately below a link to the OBOB part of their site. Matters not which one you use.

Pray a novena to the Holy Spirit. What better “Higher Power” can one have?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Advocate

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Tomorrow (or Sunday, depending on where you live) is the Solemnity of the Ascension. This is the Christian teaching that Jesus bodily ascended into Heaven 40 days after He died. (How He accomplished this is unknown, and is irrelevant. God is not subject to the physical laws He created.)

What is important about this is in doing so He opened Heaven to all who believe in Him, a Heaven that had been closed since the Fall of Adam and Eve. Heaven was barred to us due to our First Parent’s arrogant decision that they could be just like God and decide what is right and what is wrong for themselves. Jesus paid our price for their sin. And now Heaven is open again.

He had said that this was necessary for another reason. Without His leaving, the Advocate would not be able to come. Who, or what, is the Advocate? It is the Holy Spirit, the Third Person of the Holy Trinity. It is the source and guide for each of us, the ‘inner promptings’ that we sometimes receive that encourages us to do a certain thing. Our conscience is guided by it.

Our alcoholism made it impossible for us to pay attention to what the Holy Spirit tells us. Distractions from the world around us and from our own inner turmoil prevent us from hearing the ‘still, small voice’ that is the will of God caring for us.

Prayer and a disciplined life (living moderately and responsibly) helps us to keep in tune with the Holy Spirit’s promptings.

But the Ascension, important as it was for the Holy Spirit to descend upon the Earth (10 days later on the Solemnity of Pentecost), how does it relate to our sobriety?

Jesus had completed the task for which He incarnated Himself. He came down to Earth to die. He had done this, along with leaving behind a body of teachings to live by. He also established a Church to safeguard and defend those teachings until He returns. The Holy Spirit’s chief task is to prevent that Church from teaching error in matters of doctrine and dogma. It doesn’t prevent that Church or its members from behaving sinfully, after all, the Church is composed of sinners. But we have the guarantee that where the Church speaks on Faith and Morals in line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit protects the Church’s voice, namely, the Pope. We have an assured guide when we are confused, or when our moral compass is not pointing True North.

If we are sober then we have completed a task. We have stopped drinking. Our alcoholic self has essentially died, and a new person is born. That person is now open to clearly an willingly receive the graces and guidance that the Holy Spirit offers, and we as Catholics can receive the Body and Blood of Christ in Holy Communion. Jesus died and lives in us in the sacramental nature of the Eucharist, and through this union we can better live out our Baptismal promises of rejecting Satan and sin. If we were Confirmed in the Faith as young adults we can grow more deeply in the Holy Spirit and spiritually develop in ways that those who adhere to a more secular way of living are puzzled and confused over. They need false and valueless stimuli as TV and and other worldly crutches to cope with the day.

Pray to Jesus, go to Mass and receive Holy Comunion, if you can. And start preparing for Pentecost, which comes in 10 day’s time.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Mother's Day

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From a post on my Mom’s birthday back in January.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I miss you.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lighting the darkness

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The recent posts of mine in the “Daily Wisdom Dose” project reminded me of a couple of verses from Psalms that have helped me innumerable times:

Psalm 18:29-30;

You, LORD, give light to my lamp; my God brightens the darkness about me.
With you I can rush an armed band, with my God to help I can leap a wall.

The progression of the psalmist’s prayer is gradual and beautiful, making it relatively easy to memorize.

The lighting of my lamp, coming from God, brightens the darkness about me. Perhaps growing in wisdom and understanding is making you see things more clearly, either Divine Truths or just the world as it is?

With the resulting awareness, backed by God, you can now have the strength to undertake any venture. Fear is overcome, it is scattered by illumination. “Leap a wall”: any obstacle, whether it’s a serious difficulty or just interior demons haunting you, telling you that you will fail, can be surmounted.

Take the time to memorize this verse, ponder its meaning and say it to yourself the next time you are pining away for a drink, or facing something that caused you to drink in the past.

The obstacle is diminished.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Guardian and protector

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For today’s Daily Wisdom Dose we turn to Proverbs 2:8;

Guarding the paths of justice, protecting the way of his pious ones.

This is a continuation of Proverbs 2:7 (look it up) and ensures that despite the trials and tribulations and turmoil of ordinary life, God will see us through them. It may be difficult, and often times it would seem if God is not there, as indeed it is hard to see Him when all is dark. But at those times when God seems furthest away, He is really quite close, hearing the prayers of our wounded heart and soul.

Think back as to how you were led out of the darkness of active alcoholism. When things seemed at their most despairing point, something happened to get you out of it. The circumstances are maybe unique to each individual, but you are here now reading this instead of drinking or dying.

An instrument of God’s grace helped you. You may not have been “pious”, but the piety of your scream for help was heard.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)