Category Archives: Relapse

Do not fret because of the wicked

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The excerpt for today is from the Office of the Readings from the Liturgy of the Hours for Tuesday of Holy Week and is Psalm 37:1-4:

Do not fret because of the wicked;
do not envy those who do evil:
for they wither quickly like grass
and fade like the green of the fields.

If you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live in the land and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire.

Source: Divine Office.org

This, then, is envy and resentment. You stopped drinking and using and have received some of the promises and benefits from sobriety, but you haven’t gotten the hang of it entirely. And your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are still havin’ a grand time out there, celebrating and carousing, and maybe teasing you for being a quitter.  

Or, you’ve been clean and sober for a nice long time, and once in a while you just watch people enjoying the gentle conviviality of a few glasses of wine during a dinner or a beer while watching a game on TV. Or, have a crisis, binge all weekend, emerge all right and not touch the stuff for a year because they didn’t have to and don’t “need” it. 

While not implying that your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are wicked (it could be used as a metaphor) the idea that someone, somewhere, out there, is having a good time doing something that could kill you if you returned to doing it does burn. I mean, even I, at times, just wish that I could, you know, have just one little…

But no.

Those who continue drinking and using go on to their own reward, which could be nothing harmful at all if they employ moderation; or they could wind up in the rooms of AA next to you. I can see it now: you’re in some church basement awaiting the start of your Thursday Night 8PM Home Group and someone sits down right next to you; but you’re so engrossed in reading a post from SoberCatholic.com that you don’t notice it’s Norm/Norma with whom you used to go around town barhoppin’. They nudge you in the shoulder and you turn and see them pointing to my post on your phone and they say “Hey, Ron/Rhonda! I read that earlier today! Funny meeting you here!” A pause and then they say “Hey,” again pointing to the SoberCatholic.com page on your screen, “Do you have this? That guy wrote it.” And they pull out and well-worn copy of “The Sober Catholic Way.” You reply, “Yeah, I got that! It changed my life! I bought a boxful off of Amazon and put them in my parish’s reading room and Adoration Chapel!” And so you renew acquaintances.

Or, your reading on that same phone the obituaries and a familiar name shows up on your doomscrolling. “Died suddenly.” You know what that means. 

On the other hand, if you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live a decent life and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire (continued sobriety.)

Please by my book! Link in the image (or click on this):
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Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My God, in you I take refuge

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The excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass from Saturday of the Fourth Week of Lent is taken from Psalm 7:2-3;

O LORD, my God, in you I take refuge;
save me from all my pursuers and rescue me,
Lest I become like the lion’s prey,
to be torn to pieces, with no one to rescue me.

Courtesy:  USCCB

This is a cry of one pursued by their demons, fears, and anxieties. Perhaps people, too, but I’m takng the metaphor angle. This is a cry that acknowledges that God is the only safe harbor you can have. Only in Him, through partaking of the sacramental life of the Church, through prayer, through Eucharistic Adoration where you are with Jesus face-to-face; only by deepening your relationship with Him could you feel that God is truly your refuge.

Seek Him out, wherever you can. At home you can read your Catholic Bible, or the Catechism, or other spiritiual readings. “Ou There” you can find Him in the Blessed Sacrament. Find Him. He wants you to chase Him.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

For you my soul is thirsting

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The excerpt from the First Psalmody from the Morning Prayer for the Liturgy of the Hours for the Solemnity of Saint Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary is from Psalm 63:2;

O God, you are my God, for you I long;
for you my soul is thirsting.
My body pines for you
like a dry, weary land without water.
So I gaze on you in the sanctuary
to see your strength and your glory.

Courtesy: Divine Office,org:

THIS is the prayer we should have used when were were still enslaved by alcohol, when we desired nothing more that “just one more.” We should take our Catholic Bibles and mark the page this psalm is on, and whenever we “feel the urge” to “test the waters” again, Psalm 63:2 should set our soul aright and remind us of what should rightfully fill that “hole in the soul,” previously filled by the drink and the drug. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Grumbling for water

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For the Third Sunday of Lent, there’s this excerpt from the First Reading from today’s Mass (Exodus 17:3):

In those days, in their thirst for water,
the people grumbled against Moses,
saying, “Why did you ever make us leave Egypt?
Was it just to have us die here of thirst
with our children and our livestock?”

Courtesy of USCCB

When I read that, it immediately struck me as a bunch of people on the verge of relapsing. Well, they were, in a way: they longed for the food security of Egypt, completely disregarding the slavery they experienced there. Dosn’t this sound like a relapse episode? You have been free of the practice of your addiction for some time now; enjoying to varying degress of success your new life. But something bad has happened. Your first major setback and now your new coping skills are lacking and you long for the false security and refuge of your formwr way of life. 

This invariably leads to the Gospel reading of John 4:5-42; also known as the “Woman at the Well” story. I will not show the entire reading here, since you should have gone to Mass, or you can just grab your Catholic Bible and read it at your convenience. But you probably know the story about how Jesus converts the sinful woman he found at the well of Jacob, as well as the village, by promising the “Living Water” of His Gospel and His future Church and Her sacraments.

There it is, right in front of you: two choices. If you are in danger of relapsing or you think you might be at risk in the future, the choices are stark. The “Dying Water” of your addiction versus the “Living Water” of the Gospel and the Church’s sacramental life. Lent is a time for reconnecting what you’ve either lost or become inattentive to. This is the theme of many Lenten social media posts and podcasts. Lent puts you back on the track of getting closer to Jesus. You can’t get closer than getting Him in the sacraments. The Eucharist is literally His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity; Confession is literally coinfessing yur sins to Jesus (through a priest, but Jesus forgives your through that priest.)

Spend time in Church this Lent. Go the Mass on Sundays (it’s an obligation on the pain of mortal sin unless you have an unavoidable obstacle such as health, weather, or transportation issues) and even weekdays if possible. Go to Confession more often than you do outside of Lent. Read a good spiritual book.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Sacred Heart Devotion as a recovery method

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The idea of using the Devotion to the Sacred Heart as a way to keep clean and sober isn’t strange to anyone familiar with the Matt Talbot Way. The Sacred Heart is central to the Way. It is essentially transferring your love for your favorite chemical onto Jesus. You ‘give’ your love for your addiction to Jesus and relapsing means you are taking it back. This is all done while being mindful of the reparative nature of the Sacred Heart.

The Sacred Heart of Jesus has special significance to sober alcoholics, especially to those who are familiar with AA. If you know your AA history, back in its early days one of the co-founders of the movement, Dr. Bob Smith, was greatly assisted in his treatment of alcoholics by a Catholic nun by the name of Sister Mary Ignatia Gavin, an administrator of St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, Ohio. After an alcoholic completed his stay at the hospital, Sister Ignatia would “award” him with a Sacred Heart Badge, sort of a “graduation” gift. This eventually developed into the practice of AA’s recieving medallions or coins representing whatever sobriety anniversary they were celebrating.

But the Devotion as a recovery method in and of itself, apart from the connection to the Matt Talbot Way? The essential part of the Devotion is Love and Mercy. Love of Jesus and acceptance of His Mercy. You love Jesus so much that you are willing to sacrifice for Him, and your love isn’t restricted to just loving Him, but also to love Him in the place of others who do not. This is reparative love. Loving Him in the place of those who do not means that your are making reparations for their sins. Sounds like a making of amends? But not just for your own sins and character defects, but for those of others, too. This is perfectly in keeping with St. Paul’s doctrine of the Mystical Body of Christ; where one suffers, all suffer; there one rejoices, all rejoice. Making reparations for others is an act of  mercy and this can only have beneficial results for ourselves. We obtain mercy for others and it gets lavished on us. 

The Gospel of John 15:13 “No one has a greater love than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.” While we are not literally ‘laying down our lives’ for others, figuratively we are when we sacrifice and make reparations for the sins of others.

So, the basic workingnout off the devotion to the Sacred Heart, if done with a mind to keeping clean and sober, is a working out of our own recovery. It turns our attention off of ourselves and limits our self-will. If doing unto others what we would have done to us, charity is strengthened and we lose the need to drink and drug. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Today is my Twentieth Soberversary

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I have been sober today for twenty years. To me, anniversaries ending in “0” or “5” are monumental. I don’t know why, it just seems that way.

I had to let that sink in. Twenty years. While I am not trying to act out the sin of pride, if you knew me way back when around 2001 and 2002, you’d laugh at the idea of me getting twenty days sober, much less twenty years.

I never had that ‘spiritual awakening’ described in the Big Book of AA; no ‘white light’ or anything like that. My spiritual awakening was of the more gradual kind. I stopped going to liquor stores because I was physically unable to go (which caused a brief period of sobriety of 3 1/2 months); then I returned to drinking over the stress of visits of certain family members; then I stopped because I ran out of booze and it was too late to get to a liquor store. I think during the day I was prevented from going by the family visit and a miscalculation of the amount of booze I had on hand. I don’t recall. So, at some point late in the evening of Wednesday, May 22, 2002 I stopped drinking and went to bed. This was followed by 88 hours of insomnia culminating in some trippy hallucinations. 

I’ve done AA. I began attending meetings in June 2001; didn’t sober up at first until February 2002, but like I said above, relapsed in May. I haven’t considered myself a regular meeting goer since 2004, when I left a meeting in my old Home Group in anger. (I may have blogged about it before, but according to a search of my blog, I apparently didn’t. I’ tell that story in a separate blogpost.) I briefly returned to regular attendance in 2014, but it only last a month or two. I didn’t fit in. I guess I’m just a misfit in a fellowship of misfits. I find AA and the Twelve Steps useful, whilst I don’t bother with meetings, I frequently read the literature when I need a dose. 

Anyway, today is the Feast Day of St. Rita of Cascia. She is known as the patron saint of impossible cases. And, I was quite an impossible case. It’s possible I imagined it, but I think she picked me to be her client. And here’s how she can help YOU in your recovery. As long as I’m posting links to posts on her, you might like this one.

Two other saints assisted in my recovery. One is St. Maximilian Kolbe, founder of the Militia of the Immaculata. I found the his Total Consecration to the Blessed Virgin to have been particularly crucial as it provided a tremendous flow of daily graces firming up my convictions and direction (staying sober); as well as of providing a framework within which I can develop my Faith. (NOTE TO SELF: please complete the ‘Daily Marching Orders from Mary’ post. It’s been in draft mode long enough.) Another is the Venerable Matt Talbot, whose way of recovery focuses on transferring your love of booze on to Jesus. You make a gift to Him of your addiction and a relapse means you are taking that gift back. His Way of Recovery is detailed in this excellent book, which all “Sober Catholics” should  have. (There are other saints I am devoted to. St. Therese of Lisieux is another. That book I linked to in the previous sentence suggests that she is ‘the theologian’ of the Matt Talbot Way of Sobriety. Study her “Little Way” and things won’t be the same for you; particularly her thoughts on God’s mercy vs His judgment.).) 

I think I’ll go write that post about why my last regular AA meeting was in 2004 (I don’t count my return in 2014 as it didn’t last long.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The bruised reed

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One of my favorite passages in Scripture popped up today in the First Reading for the Mass for Monday of Holy Week: Isaiah 42:3 “The bruised reed he will not break, and the smoldering wick he will not extinguish.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

We alcoholics are bruised reeds, and remain so long after recovery. I don’t ever think we achieve the same level of “normality” that people not afflicted with addiction possess. I think that along the way, as we make our decisions, we have to constantly consider factors that “normals” don’t. Why? Because almost any person, place or thing can lead us back into the drink if we’re not vigilant and maintain our daily reprieve.

Perhaps that is why I like the passage; it reminds me that as I trudge the road towards my true home I will not be overwhelmed by things to great for me to handle. Oftentimes the opposite seems true, but then faith takes hold, the still, small voice of God whispers quietly, “Easy, I am here.”

Another post on this: Bruised reeds…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The wounded prodigal

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Today’s Gospel Reading for the Saturday of the Second Week of Lent is a popular one involving mercy and forgiveness. It is the story of “The Prodigal Son.”

I wrote about it before: Prodigal Alcoholics.

In that post I focused on mercy and forgiveness. There is also another point: the longing to belong and rejoin what you once had, even if in a more humble state. The Prodigal was intent on just being a hired hand for his father; he never expected to be readmitted to the family. Perhaps this is what we all hope for in our recovery: that our families and employers would just “forget” our sins and problems and move forward in life with us, just happy that we’re back and healthy. This does not always happen. Perhaps for some, and even then probably over time. We all mess up and wish for a “do over,” like nothing ever happened. This is not realistic, as our addiction did happen. Since God has this knack for bringing good out of evil, we can use this to our advantage. Use the experience of our addiction and recovery and help others in some way. Perhaps not by starting a blog about recovery process 😉 but at least by using the humbling experience of our own suffering to be understanding of others’ suffering and “screwed-upness.” We who were screwed up can have empathy towards others. We should be better able to connect and understand other people’s brokenness and wounded nature.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The heart turns away…

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Continuing along with the theme of yesterday’s post, we read in this excerpt from the First Reading of today’s Mass for Thursday after Ash Wednesday “…But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them…” (Deuteronomy 30:17)

Keep God in the center of your heart. Place Him there and you will be attracted more to Him with every prayer, every sacrifice, even those “swords that pierce” your own heart. The still, small voice from the divinity dwelling within calls to you. Like an object that orbits another much larger object, you will be drawn closer to Him who is or first beginning and last end. But as the passage from Deuteronomy warns, if your heart turns away, it will no longer hear that call of God, and will be attracted to others…

Displaced from with you, He will appear to have gone, creating a hole in your heart where He had dwelt. That hole needs to be filled….

A common phrase you frequently see in recovery readings is that of a “hole in your soul” that needs filling. And so we fill that hole with all sorts of things, the worst being our addictions.

Step away from them, even if you’ve been clean and sober for years there is still the risk of relapsing. Calm and secure in your recovery, you slacken and begin to turn away…

If you’re still drinking and using, accelerate your quest for God. Seek Him and allow Him to fill that hole…

Mary can help lead you to Him. Traditional Catholic teaching holds that we go through Mary to get to Jesus. Grab your Rosary and start praying! (Incidentally, if you’re a 12 Stepper, praying the Rosary is an excellent application of the 11th Step.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak

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Continuing on with my Friday (almost) weekly Scripture meditations on the Passion of Our Lord, I managed to get only a few more verses on July 8th than last time.

Matthew 26:41 “Be vigilant and pray, so that you may not enter into temptation. Indeed, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” really stuck with me. It should speak to all of us at various stages of our drinking. We want to stop, we know we must. But we can’t. We are addicted.

But we do not have to rely on the flesh for results. Our own will isn’t strong enough. It essentially never is when doing battle. We have to rely on graces from Our Lord. For example:

Matthew 19:26 “But with God, all things are possible.”

Phillipians 4:13 “Everything is possible in him who has strengthened me.”

We cannot overcome our struggles alone. We can try but we will continually fail. Even if we persevere and after each time we rise up and resolve to do better, that still takes its toll.

Granted, saints are made from those who always arise after their fall, but we can take heart that if we learn to allow God to shower us with His graces and let Him “take over,” we can be more successful. Trying to resist temptation on our own willpower will doom us to failure.

Scripture quotes via Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)