Hindering God’s Love: self-love as a bad choice

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I went to Confession tonight before Vigil Mass and we had a different priest (a visiting priest from somewhere as ours is in Rome on pilgrimage.) 

This priest was one of those who talked a little after you finished reciting your sins and how many times you committed them. He said something that will remain with me until the day I die. I’ll paraphrase as I don’t remember his exact wording:

“God loves you, despite whatever sins you’ve committed; remember that: God loves you despite everything. However, (and this is the part that’s going to ‘remain with me until the day I die’) our sins hinder our experience of God’s love.”

Wow. I never thought of it that way. I know that sins block or inhibit God’s graces (mortal sins cut you off completely from Divine grace; venial sins clog up the channels of grace like cholesterol does in the bloodstream) but I never really viewed it in the manner of “hindering our experience” of God’s love. I mean, I know that God always loves me no matter what, but I think I conceived of that in a more abstract way, like He loves me but when in deep sin His love is still there, but not a very active way. Sort of like when you love your spouse or child or friend or whoever but when they really tick you off  you’re  a little cool towards them for a while, even though you still love still them.

God is better than that. He’s bigger than your sins and while it is true that sin blocks the flow of grace (that free gift of spiritual help, succor, and support from God) His love is still present and ready to manifest itself when you repent and turn back. God is unchanging. God’s love for you is eternal: even if you were damned and you find yourself in Hell, God still loves you (as shown by His respecting your free will choices in life of rejecting Him and His will and law. True, real, love does not force itself on anyone who doesn’t want it. You avoid God, avoid Church, avoid praying, adopt a purely secular life and viewpoint, mock religion and belief, then the consequences of your decisions land you in Hell. You didn’t want to pay any attention to God during your lifetime, you expect to send eternity with Him in Heaven? Many saints have written that the pains of Hell is the pain of Loss of God: that at the moment of death you experience God face-to-face and that marks your soul somehow; and if you merit Hell, the sudden loss of that vision of God and “what could have been yours forever, the possession and knowledge and vision of God” is the pain, like fire, of Hell. 

Anyway, this “hindering our experience” of God’s love is an important point for us sober Catholics to consider. I’ve written numerous times and you must have read it countless times elsewhere in your spiritual reading that addiction is a “hole in the soul” that we addicts and alcoholics fill with the wrong stuff. Drugs, liquor, pornography, whatever: we seek God but in all the wrong places. God loves us through all of this, but the actions of that love is missed by us. Sometimes when we are in a rally dark place we finally see it and then our recovery begins.

But when we try to fill that hole in our soul with something other than God, or when we persist in a chronic, repeated sin (which may or may not be an addiction, but is an inordinate desire for something contrary to our good) we experience not God’s love, but our own self-love. By ‘self-love’ I do not refer to the healthy kind that is a positive, well-balanced self-assessment; the decent, well-ordered self-esteem kind. I mean that love which puts self-gratification and self-will first; it could be narcissistic; at any rate, it is inward directed as opposed to “other directed,” the “other” being other people. 

Think about that. Imagine how transformed our lives could become if we just made a “fearless and searching” examination of conscience, took a long, hard look at our sins, especially those we routinely confess every time we go, and saw how those sins are a search for God’s love but in the wrong places. We can then petition the Holy Spirit to help us turn to God whenever we seek something other than Him.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Back in the office

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In Out of Office, I said:

Due to a variety of reasons I’ll get to later, I had to reset my laptop to factory settings and then reinstall the OS.

Well, it’s later and I’ll explain (not that it’s important, but for the few that might have interested:

The Admin account to my Mac laptop needed repairs. The Mission Control and Launchpad functions randomly launched when I type ever since I upgraded to Mac OS Sonoma in Sept 2023.

What I’d done from quite dilegent searching and taking suggestions from people seemingky more knowledgeable than I was:

  • gone into System Settings and unticked every keyboard and trackpad option that controls those and other functions. (when I say “every,” I mean “every.”)
  • rebooted in Safe Mode
  • deleted cleaning, AntiVirus and optimization apps
  • reinstalled MacOS Sequoia (yes, it continued with the OS upgrade in 2024. Didn’t exist in Monterey or Ventura.)

The problem remains. Except:

  • When I created a test user account. Hence, the only remaining culprit is the admin account.

The problem seemingly disappeared when I upgraded to the most recent MacOS, “Tahoe.” Until it reappeared 5 days later. I went back to searching and found nothing I hadn’t already tried and so I finally resolved the issue this way:

  • Did a Time Machine backup
  • Reset the laptop to factory settings and then downloaded Tahoe all over again.

That was October 2nd. It’s been 21 days since then and the thing hasn’t happened since. I declare the problem soved. Don’t know what caused it, but I don’t care. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

“Out of Office”

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Due to a variety of reasons I’ll get to later, I had to reset my laptop to factory settings and then reinstall the OS. I’m in the process of setting up my “new” (old) laptop and I haven’t gotten around to setting up its email yet (I can still access email on my phone, but I hate typing on my phone.) So if anyone emails me, please be patient. Thanks.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

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Prayer request for a homeless addict and thoughts on unworthiness

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I received an email a few days ago (only saw it today as it was in my Junk folder☹️) from Richard S., a homeless addict in the United Kingdom. I won’t post his entire email here out of respect for privacy (even though it lacks personal identifying info.)

Some points, however:

I’m a Catholic and I’m an addict in England, UK. I’m struggling like hell.  I recently was given a copy of your book “The Sober Catholic Way” and it’s truly helping me. 

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If you only knew how it feels to discover your writing has made an impact!

 I feel as if I’ve let my Blessed Mother, Mary down and I’m not worthy.  Let alone our Lord Jesus. Anyway, many blessings and love to you and your family.

This part touched me. Who among us hasn’t felt this way? I replied:

About you letting Mama Mary and Jesus down: they perfectly understand. Mary’s love and Jesus’ mercy is greater than our deepest faults and flaws and our inability to overcome them. This is something everyone forgets from time to time, including me. Mary is a good Mother and will help lead you closer to Jesus. 

And so I am asking you for prayers for Richard S. (If you’re in the UK and know of resources for homeless addicts; and Richard does have access to medical personnel, he probably knows what’s available, but just in case something is overlooked, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com .)

Richard is also a member of the Militia of the Immaculata. It’s UK Center is: Militia of the Immaculata in Great Britain and Ireland.

Here’s how to order it: The Sober Catholic Way.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Homemade Holy Face Chaplet

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This is apparently the season for me to repurpose chaplets and rosaries. A while back I posted about The Six Decade Rosary of Lourdes and St. Bridget, followed by: My Homemade St. Rita Chaplet and How to say the Chaplets of St. Rita of Cascia.

Well, today I bring you my Homemade Holy Face Chaplet:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was “repurposed” from one of those “Little Flower Rosaries” that get sent out in mailings or found in churches all over. I think the Little Flower Society makes them (not sure, but they’re the likely source.) I retained the centerpiece medal which I think is appropriate given her name in religious life was “St.Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face.” The rosary had a few missing beads and I took a look, did some figuring, and grabbed my pliers and went to work. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The crucifix was a spare part from another rosary; it matchef the Holy Face medal I already had. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The chaplet of the Holy Face is comprised of 33 beads divided into five groups of six beads, headed by another bead, with three extra ones at the end. At the head of the Chaplet are an image of the Holy Face of Jesus and a Cross. The chaplet of the Holy Face has the purpose of honoring of the five senses of Our Lord Jesus Christ, all of which were abused during His Passion. The 33 beads represent the 33 years He spent on Earth.

On the cross you recite the prayer: “God, come to my assistance; Lord, Make haste to help me,” and then the “Glory be…”

Then on the each first large beads announce the sense of our Lord (for the first section, “Touch”) and say “My Jesus, Mercy,” followed by the “Glory Be.” Then on each of the six smaller beads say, “Arise, O God, let thy enemies be scattered and let those who hate thee flee before Thy Face.”

Then repeat this for each of the next four sections, each one representing the senses of hearing, sight, smell and finally taste.

After “Taste,” say “My Jesus, Mercy,” followed by the “Glory Be” on the next large bead. After follows three small beads on which you recite on each bead, “Arise, O God, let thy enemies be scattered and let those who hate thee flee before Thy Face.”

Then on the image of His Face dangling from near the cross you say, “O God, Our Protector, please look upon us and cast your gaze upon the Face of Thy Christ.” 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Ensuring salvation “…at the hour of our death.”

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Have you ever thought about the hour of your death? Not just about your death in general, or how long you might live. But exactly when you’ll die?

This is the last chance for Satan to snatch you from the Lord. Unless you’ve prepared yourself by way of the Sacraments, prayer and a lifetime of “spiritual progress,” your final minutes on Earth will be The Enemy’s last chance to get you for Itself for all Eternity.

Worried? There’s a prayer for that!

It’s Mom to the rescue! Doesn’t Mom make everything better? Well, same thing for when you’re about to face the end of your mortal existence.

The venerable and ancient prayer of the Church to the Blessed Mother, said by millions of Catholics daily in the Rosary is the succor for such a worry.

“Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.”

See those last six words? “…at the hour of our death.”

Mary will watch over you. But not just you, when you say the “Hail Mary” on the Rosary or just by itself in moments of need, you are offering it up for other people as well. It does not say “pray for me, a sinner,  at the hour of my death,” but rather,  “pray for us sinners,” so you’re not just praying for yourself, but for other people, too, now, and at the hour of their death. And when you think of it that way, all of these people are also praying for Our Lady’s intercession at the hour of your death, too. It’s a community thing of the Church Militant (those members of the Mystical Body of Christ still alive on Earth.)

Now, here’s where I wander over into left field a little (or, score a “wonder goal” or have a “moment of magic,” which are the soccer/futbol equivalents of baseball’s “out of left field” idiom, I’m told.)

I have been dwelling on the Hail Mary recently, especially that petition to pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death and its connection to the persistent teaching of numerous saints, especially St. Maximilian Kolbe, St, Louis DeMontfort, St. Alphonsus Liguori, and St. Leonard of Port-Maurice, that those who are devoted, or consecrated, to the Blessed Virgin Mary are never “lost,” that is, “damned.” Their salvation is ensured (but not necessarily guaranteed. You still have to maintain sincerity of faith and steer clear of mortal sins. But that all should be easier with Mary’s help.)

This is NOT the Catholic version of the deeply heretical and unbiblical “Once Saved, Always Saved” idea that a few non-Catholics hold. (Don’t these people read St. Paul?) But is infers that as Our Lady is also our Mother, and as she loves us more than we can ever know, if we give ourselves to her, she will protect us at the hour of our death from the attacks of Hell.

Let’s take an example of one of these devotional promises. There’s a practice known as The Three Hail Marys. You are recommended to pray three Hail Mary’s every morning upon rising and again upon retiring to bed; at the end of the prayers you ask Mary to “preserve me from mortal sin this day (or night.”) You do this every day and when you die, you will not go to Hell (Purgatory, however, maybe!) 

This may be easier to comprehend and accept when you really understand the importance of the collective prayer of the Church Militant when praying the Rosary or a Hail Mary. The sheer number of prayers ascending to Heaven asking Our Lady to intervene for us during our final moments here in Time is huge. Just think about it: there are hundreds of millions, perhaps billions, of Hail Marys are said every day. There’re 53 said in the Rosary alone, plus numerous other times in other prayers. Multiply those by however many are reciting their prayers… Now multiply that for every day until the final day for you on Earth. That’s potentially hundreds of billions of petitions, if not trillions over the course of  a life, for Our Lady to protect you from Hell’s final furious assault on your soul. 

Therefore, it stands to reason that this is not pious silliness, but a reasonable conviction of the faithful and a reliable promise by Our Mother. If you sincerely pray the Rosary every day, or recite the Three Hail Marys, or some other Marian devotion related to all this, then you will not be damned. And one thing bears mentioning: it doesn’t mean that you can do this and then intentionally go off and commit serious sins, and often, thinking that we’re going to be saved just because we’re saying three Hail Mary’s or a daily Rosary. We all lead sinful lives, but the difference is the willful intent to sin versus the willful intent to not sin, and to reinforce that desire through repentance and frequenting the sacraments. Presumption of God’s mercy and exploiting Our Lady’s priviliges will quickly land you in the hot place. 

There is another method to ensure our salvation. I won’t go into it here as I’ve covered it already (quite well, if I say so myself 😉) in this post on Marian Consecration and the Guarantee of Eternal life. PLEASE READ THAT, TOO! It goes well with this post. Here’s another post on the subject, written wayback in the early days of SoberCatholic: “Now and at the Hour of Our Death”

 A RECOMMENDATION FOR YOU: The I Miss Christendom YouTube Channel lists 5 Things Catholics Can Do To Ensure Salvation. These are:

  • The Three Hail Marys (post on that here.)
  • The Brown Scapular (I don’t think I’ve written anything on that, but a post on sacramentals is being drafted.)
  • The Daily Rosary (I’ve written numerous posts on the Rosary, as well as a book on the Rosary.)
  • The Nine First Fridays  (My post on that is here.)
  • The Five First Saturdays (I wrote on that here.)

Note: This was previously published on Paul Sofranko Space. It’s been edited and significantly expanded for SoberCatholic.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The “Following Padre Pio” YouTube Channel

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One of my favorite YouTube Channels is Following Padre Pio. It is a source of comfort and reassurance. 

From the channel’s description:

Do you long for a deeper connection with your faith? Padre Pio’s powerful legacy can transform your life in ways you never thought possible.

At Following Padre Pio, we bring you inspiring, personal stories of his miracles and his deep love for Christ and Mary Most Holy. Padre Pio’s prayers have led to miraculous healings and conversions—both physically and spiritually. Whether you’re searching for healing, clarity, or a renewed relationship with God, Padre Pio’s influence can guide you.

You’re not just watching videos—you’re becoming part of a growing community of believers who are witnessing the extraordinary power of faith. 

They also have a primary website, which has tgis to say about their YouTube:

At “Following Padre Pio” we want everyone to Know More about Padre Pio!

We present short, regular videos on the life of Padre Pio to encourage people in their Faith, and to trust and love Our Lord Jesus Christ and Mary Most Holy.

His miracles were incredible! Countless people were healed from serious illnesses through his healing prayer for the sick.

“Faith and Spirituality” “Community and Solidarity”

As you scroll through the videos, you will realize the depth of St. Padre Pio’s love for the Blessed Mother and her Rosary, including its power to transform lives. You’ll get great practical advice on living, including addiction and alcoholism recovery! Yes, a devotion to St. Padre Pio could help you become free of the drink and the drug. Here’s a few samples:

Miracles of Healing: Addiction Conquered with Padre Pio’s Intercession

Padre Pio In The Lives Of Our Viewers. “I struggle every day, but my Padre Pio doesn’t forget me.”

Padre Pio: “Every day it saves the world from damnation” What is he referring to?

There are other videos for those of us who are struggling with “stuff.” Take a look at:

Padre Pio’s Harsh Guidance: The Pain That Leads to Miracles

In the Darkness of Doubt: Padre Pio Bringing Souls Back to Faith

When Prayers Go Unanswered: Padre Pio’s Powerful Insight

Never Alone: Padre Pio’s Deep Reliance on Mary’s Help

Padre Pio’s Faith in Saint Joseph During Difficult Times

Seeking Comfort? Padre Pio Is Here To Help!

Those are just a sample of videos on how St. Padre Pio can help you “get through trials.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Addiction and Mental Health Resources Page has been updated!

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The Addiction and Mental Health Resources Page has been updated!

I was looking up stuff on YouTube earlier today for this blog and I ran across some great new links to add to the Resources page. 

First up is Christie Walker, who has the Catholic Sobriety Podcast; with it’s associated YouTube Channel. According to her website: Catholic Recovery Coach, she helps:

Catholic women who are ready to create a healthier relationship with alcohol—whether they want to reduce or completely eliminate it—for any reason. My approach is centered on faith, compassion, and empowerment. Together, we’ll uncover what’s fueling your connection to alcohol and work towards a place where you can take it or leave it with true peace and freedom.

Her Recovery Coaching also has a YouTube.

Next up is something I wish I discovered back in 2022 when I worked remotely for a narcissist. (He believed that humiliation and embarassment was a worthy way of motivating people.) If you need help with such people, then Catholic Narcissist Recovery is the place for you. Catholic Narcissist Recovery is:

an online support community for anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse and longs to heal. We offer an online community portal, weekly meetings, and resources. While therapy and traditional healing methods help, they often miss a crucial element—the transformative power of Jesus, Scripture, the Sacraments, and authentic community. Here, you’ll find people just like you, walking the same path toward healing.

We integrate the healing power of the Jesus into the recovery process, offering true restoration. Whether you are Catholic or not, you are welcome here. Our mission is to help you reclaim your life after narcissistic abuse because God is bigger than your suffering, and He wants to bring good from your pain.

They also have a YouTube Channel.

Lastly is Stoned on Happiness. This self-proclaimed “Jester for Jesus” (aka Don Matis, Jr.:)

believes in the Catholic healing and recovery of the whole person-mind, body, & soul. God wants you to be happy in the moment. The time is now to see our website at Stoned on Happiness. God Bless You!

Unfortunately, his YouTube hasn’t been active in ten years or more, but I included it on the resources page anyway, as it’s …interesting. His website (link in the block quote above) is more recent (last post in 2022) but is in dire need of some technical work (some links to old posts do not work and he doesn’t have it use the more modern “https:” URL prefix. There is a link to his Instagram which has more recent activity.

Don:

is an artist, a BCA pool instructor, a Catholic lay evangelist, and an all out positive laid-back guy. He’s someone you’d want on your team if you were fighting the good fight. Don actually paints with his beard. You can find out more information on the story of why here. (Paulcoholic’s Note: the link in the word ‘here’ didn’t work, so we may never know.) He loves his Catholic faith and shares the reason for his sobriety with all who want to know. 

I hope these are useful. Please look over the resources and if you know of any that could be there, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Exploring hurt people hurting other people

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This is a followup to Hurt People Hurt People. It was originally published on Paul Sofranko Space, but I edited it for Sober Catholic. It describes how a person might become an ‘antagonist,’ but for a fictional setting; this may be added to the backstory of a character in a novel I’m working on. I firmly believe that writing has tremendous therapeutic value, and writing fiction is a way to deal with trauma. This post explores how a “bad person,” maybe a “hurt person who hurts others” got that way in the first place. While it is easy to create bad people who are just evil, it is more realistic to show how root causes have driven them to be who they are; all of which could have been avoided. Perhaps they can be redeemed.

This is drawn from personal traumas I referred to the the “Hurt people…” post (the 1995 incident referred to but I didn’t reveal; and the 2005 death of my Mom and the aftermath,) although some elements in it are speculative or conjectural.

There are two people, Person A (“PA”) and Person B (“PB”). PA also has accomplices or people sympathetic, but PA is the ringleader; possibly through fear and intimidation. PB is mostly alone.

PA and accomplices had screwed over PB to the point of driving him to consider suicide. PB is figuratively broken, bruised, bloodied and wounded and is cast aside. He is left to wondering “Why?”

This had poured salt into a wound created years before when PA grievously harmed PB with unjust accusations. PB had been wondering “Why?” about that ever since; this new event just made things worse, hence the consideration of suicide. PB’s discovery through one of PA’s accomplices that PA doesn’t even remember this older event just adds salt to the wound.

The “Whys?” were never addressed. PB never gets answers. PA, et al., have moved on from the event and put it behind them; after all, they were the antagonists and know the “Whys?” (if there were actually any) and have dealt with whatever they need to. Not so with PB. For him, hurt and pain continue and becomes an integral part of his existence. Without understanding the “Whys?” PB never fully recovers and is changed for the worse.

PB struggles with things and tries to relate best to the reality about him but feels alone as no one really stood up and defended him during the events; and afterward others are uncomfortable or indifferent; as such he trusts others little and presumes bad motives. He tried to defend himself during the horrors, but was out gunned and outnumbered. PB also had a weak and vulnerable base from which to defend himself, being faced with certain survival issues at the same time.

His obsession with PA and the others (his frequent dwelling on the “Whys?” and such,) and wishing it never happened or fantasizing about vengeance or at least something happening to bring about justice, and knowing that it will probably never come to pass has lead PB to become something of an antagonist himself; while wanting to be “good,” he feels he cannot risk that and needs to put himself and his feelings first.

Meanwhile, PA and the others are to all appearances “good people,” and if they bother to discuss the events at all, it is to the disparagement of PB. As PB isn’t around to defend himself and no one else is willing to defend him, his reputation suffers. Only one side of the story gets told.

So, a combination of time leading PB to become “bad” in the eyes of PA and accomplices, and PA, et al., becoming “good” has only worsened things for PB. PB was the victim; he never deserved the treatment. But due to powerlessness and no healing because PB never learned “Why?” has stunted PB and left him emotionally back where everything took place. And thus PB is ‘bad,’ not ‘evil’ but due to the woundedness and lack of answers leading to justice and healing, PB’s actions are difficult.

PB is not a “whiner,” nor one who touts “victimhood.” He had difficulty in “getting over it” but is one who is truly wounded and has never gotten the needed healing or justice.

The only thing that can heal PB is justice and knowledge. He has to know why the treatment was meted out almost to the point of driving him to suicide. PA and accomplices have to make amends, both psychological and emotional. Material amends would be a bonus, but PB knows that will never happen. (PB perhaps suffered some material loss in income over his inability to manage and cope for a while.) At any rate, PA and the others have to make certain sacrifices to undo the harm they caused.

So, that’s it. A person is a victim of unjust action which were never redressed. The hurt party is still wounded despite time and some attempts at healing, but lingering issues prevent full healing. Hence, the pain has transformed him into an ‘antagonist.’ (This is where this fictional exercise departs from any “autobiographical” account. In fiction, we can safely explore the “What ifs.”) PB is wounded and that woundedness causes him to wound others. The degree to which he becomes an antagonist varies: there is him merely being a jerk, all the way to him becoming single-mindedly focused on achieving world domination and bending people to his will, severely punishing others in the process. He says “Mwuahahahahahahahaha!” a lot.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hurt people hurt people

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I often run across memes online with the phrase “Hurt people hurt people.” This means that people who have been hurt turn around and hurt others. It is assumed that since they’ve never experienced any healing from the hurt, or even justice for it, the  wound festers and they respond by hurting others.

I sympathize with the rationale behind “hurt people hurt people.” It’s hard to be sensitive to other people’s pain when your own has never been completely healed, or the ones who hurt you seem to continue on happy and healthy as if nothing happened.

I do not always think that the pain rendered unto me by the actions of my family after my Mom died in 2005 has ever been completely dealt with, and certainly “justice” (however that is defined) has never been enacted. Nor has the pain from the trauma my sister visited upon me in 1995 been dealt with (I thought I had blogged about that incident, but I can’t find any post on it. So be it, let it rest, for now. 2025 is the 20th and 30th anniversaries of many traumas. The dates are coming up in a coiuple of months.) For all of that, it’s easy for me at times to be resentful and less than empathic towards others. I am a hurt person who once in a while hurts others. Bear in mind that everyone does this; but at least I know the source of where it comes from. We all walk around broken and wounded. The wounds are there; some healed over, others not so much. 

It is obvious from all this that people need healing, and that access to effective and affordable mental health resources is imperative. Also, people need to embrace forgiveness. If a hurt person cannot get access to mental health resources, then “forgiveness” may help as far as it goes.

There is one method by which a person who has been hurt can find healing and perhaps justice as well. Although much patience is required.

“Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.”

That is a passage from the Bible. You can’t get a better method of justice than God going to bat for you and doing unto others what should be done unto them.

St. Paul refers to it explicitly in his Letter to the Romans:

Romans 12: 17-19

“Render to no one harm for harm. Provide good things, not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of all men.

If it is possible, in so far as you are able, be at peace with all men.

Do not defend yourselves, dearest ones. Instead, step aside from wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine. I shall give retribution, says the Lord.”

St. Paul was quoting (“For it is written”) the Book of Deuteronomy 32:35: “Vengeance is mine, and I will repay them in due time, so that their foot may slip and fall.” 

Granted, this is something that will happen “in God’s time;” and while we would rather those who’ve hurt us to get their comeuppance in our lifetime (and quickly!) and maybe even being able to witness it; this is one of those things that it is better to wait for. God’s justice is sweeter when it happens when it’s supposed to. 

It is also important to note that the people on whom God will wreak His vengeance and justice on are those who are unrepentant. I think that if those who’ve hurt you realize the gravity of their actions and repent, even if they do not outright make amends to you, “somehow” God will pass a healing on to you. (Based on this, my family hasn’t repented; I have passed out of family history, mostly fogotten and unregarded. At best, a footnote mentioned at gatherings.)

Another Scripture verse harkens to this vengeance:

Psalm 23:5 “You set a table before me in front of my enemies…”

What better vengeance than for God to bestow His blessings on you in the sight of those who’ve hurt you? This could be in this life; your ‘enemies’ witnessed you moving on from the pain they’ve caused and you seem (outwardly, at least) unharmed.

But it could also be in the next life. You die and enter Heaven, joining in the celebrations of the “wedding feast of the Lamb (Rev 19:1-10).” That incredible eternal feast which takes place after the Second Coming and the final triumph of good over evil and the resurrection of the dead, where all the faithful gather in joyous union with the glorified Christ.

Just think about the possibility of your unrepentant and unforgiven enemies witnessing this from the tortures of Hell (which I think may be one way to increases their suffering.) These are the people who have willfully done you serious harm; whether it be crimes such as physical or psychological abuse, or something else (neglect, bigotry, prejudice…) They have also probably harmed many others. Now they are paying the price for their sins and deservedly so. 

Take heart, of sorts: there is no need for you to nurture the pain with in you as a reminder of past injuries, dwelling on the injustices done unto you and dreaming of a way to get even; or, worse, spread the pain onto others by treating them the same way you had been. For when a “hurt person” “hurts others,” they are no better than those who’ve hurt them. Worse, even for they know the pain and should be sensitive to that pain in others.

Leave it up to God. He knows exactly why those people hurt you. He knows what’s in their hearts and souls and He alone can wreak proper justice. If that includes Divine Vengerance, so be it. Better Him than you. 

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