Category Archives: Twelve Steps

The Twelve Steps and Compatibility with Sacramental Confession

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During my interview on the “‘On Call’ with Wendy Wiese” radio show on May 1st there was an Anonymous caller at the end who asked a question on the compatibility of the Twelve Steps with the Catholic Church’s sacramental Confession. As the call was near the end of the show, I didn’t fully engage the question. Upon listening again to the show I caught a deeper sense to Anonymous’ point. Which was:

In the Twelve Steps, you review your life and bring forward all the bad stuff you did. How is that compatible with the teaching that in Confession, God forgives and forgets your sins? I think he meant that if you’ve been confessing your sins to a priest all along, why bother going through the moral inventory of Step 4 and sharing it with another in Step 5? (As well as the follow up Steps along the way.) If God forgives and forgets in Confession, what is the point of doing the Steps?

I am assuming a few things. One, is that the person in question has not dropped the practice of the Faith during their drinking career. Many do. In the context of the caller’s question, it seems as if the hypothetical person was still going to Confession and probably confessing all of their alcoholic transgressions. This is fine. They were forgiven. The slate was clean. However, chances are they committed those sins all over again. In my experience, and in the testimony of priests who generalize what they hear in Confession, many people commit and confess the same sins time and time again, whether they are addicts or not.

Another thing: although Catholics are supposed to do a thorough Examination of Conscience in preparation for Confession, I think few actually go very deep and try and get at the underlying root causes of their sins. This is the intended purpose of the Twelve Steps, particularly the Fourth one. We have to uncover not only the bad things we’ve done, but we must understand why we did them, so as to comprehend how our alcoholism affected our lives and the lives of those around us. We do that fearless and searching moral inventory not only to clean up our past and make amends, but to see the patterns and commonalities or all of our sins. We get at what triggered our behavior so we can make the required changes in our lives. Whether our past behavior involved consistently broken relationships, an inability to hold a job, or just not being able to finish “big dreams,” we see in our Fourth Step all the bad we have done, and also why. So even though we may have confessed these sins and have been forgiven, we still need to address them in the context of the Twelve Steps.

Why? So we can forgive ourselves. That may sound trite and New Age-y, but if we do not forgive ourselves we run the risk of not being able to shed our resentments over these past failures. “We remember the past, but do not close the door on it,” to paraphrase a line from AA’s “Big Book.” We close the door on our past out of shame or fear. If we forgive ourselves, we have no need to close that door to our past. We can remember it as it made us whom we are today, and we can look ourselves in the mirror because we learned from our past. And we can bring what we learned to others.

So yes, God forgives us and forgets our sins when we go to Confession; but when we work the Twelve Steps, we can forgive and forget them, too.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The Catholic Church, 12 Step Movements and Resentments

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There was a question and/or comment during my interview on the “‘On Call’ with Wendy Wiese” radio show regarding the Catholic Church and the validity or efficacy of 12 Step Movements.

The basic contention of the caller (I think it was “Tom from Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Treatment Centers”) was that I was dismissing AA and that Catholics shouldn’t use it. He suggested that because the Church sends priests and nuns to 12 Step meetings, or priests tell ordinary parishioners with a drinking problem to go to AA, that fully legitimizes the 12 Step movement and suggestions to the contrary are undeserved.

Yes, but up to a point. I think that people are automatically sent to AA because it is basically the only game in town. AA has been around since 1935, and while there are other recovery programs with a broad range of approaches, AA is the best known and is the default option because of that. It is like when you have a headache, you’re told to take an aspirin. If you have an allergic reaction to something, you go take an antihistamine. Same sort of thing; although there are other options, AA is the best known and the obvious choice for many.

The point that I have been trying to make since I began Sober Catholic in 2007 is that 12 Step movements may be a threat to your Catholic faith if you are not well grounded in it. If you have been drinking or drugging for decades, chances are good that you haven’t practiced your faith much in that time. Most likely you do not know it very well. Therefore, you are easily swayed by the notion that, “all churches are the same;” that “it doesn’t matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something.” Many Catholics leave the Faith because they do not know what they are leaving. The caller mentioned that he has found that Catholics mostly leave because they found Jesus in other Churches. Well, the Catholic Church has a lot to answer for, bad catechesis is one of the big ones Church leaders at any level will have to account for. But the rank-and-file Catholics who leave should also attempt to know what they are leaving. No Jesus in the Catholic Church? Oh, really?? Have you looked?

Eucharist

Which leads me to another thing: virtually all alcoholics have resentments. Among Catholics, these resentments often include the Church. And yet in my many observations in the rooms of AA, ex-Catholics never seem to address these resentments versus the Church. It is almost as if they seek to maintain them in order to establish a type of credibility as “recovering Catholics,” who’s spiritual development no longer includes an archaic and stuffy “organized religion”, especially now that they’ve embraced 12 Step spirituality.

Catholics well grounded and versed in their faith don’t suffer from this. They can be exposed to 12 Step Spirituality and filter out anything incompatible with Catholicism.

Twelve Steps can be a fine way to establish one’s sobriety. After a fashion it may need to be shed. Just like you don’t need aspirin after the headache is gone, or an antihistamine once you stop sneezing, once you’ve achieved a nice level of sobriety, you may not need to continue attending meetings.

What is a “nice level of sobriety?” Perhaps once you’ve recovered what you lost (family, health, job) and have learned to react to things without the crutch of booze.

If, afterwards, you feel the need to continue meeting attendance to “give back,” then fine. Gratitude is awesome. However, if your Catholic faith has become instrumental in your sobriety, and you can maintain sobriety without meeting attendance, then maybe take advantage of this level of freedom. Since you don’t “need a meeting,” but are only going out of gratitude, then perhaps make an attempt to add something to your 12 Step work. Find the weak Catholic or ex-Catholic members of the Group, seek them out and perhaps evangelize them. Answer their questions about the faith and perhaps draw them back in. This needn’t have to be done in violation of the Traditions of the 12 Step movement, you can engage them in the little informal meetings and chats that take place outside the rooms. Show them how the Mass and the Sacraments, devotion to Saints and other traditional practices of the Faith were key in your sobriety.

Become “fishers of people.” Go after the “lost sheep.” So what, if they’re now members of a different Church? Engage them. It will take a long time, but you will be rewarded greatly by your Father in Heaven when you come Home.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Online Video Conference Recovery Meetings

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Over at the Matt Talbot Way of Recovery Yahoo email discussion Group, I had floated the idea of having online video conference recovery meetings.

There seems to be some interest, and if any readers are also interested, kindly sign up as a member of the Matt Talbot Way of Recovery. Instructions on how to do that are in this post. Once approved, you can either start a post, or search for the “Online video conference meetings” thread and add your interest there.

If you’re not interested in joining, declare your interest in the comments section of this post, or on the Sober Catholic Facebook Page or Google+ Page.

Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Recovering Catholics

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One thing has repeatedly disturbed me in the over 10 years of sobriety that I have.

That thing is the phrase “Recovering Catholic.”

I encountered that phrase quite a lot yesterday and today when I revisited an online recovery community called In The Rooms. I joined a few years ago, never did much with it, but recently felt called to see it again and maybe participate more.

One thing that I hope to do this time around is seek out members of my Faith. My Faith has been extremely important to me in my recovery from alcohol. My Catholicism is tightly wrapped up in my experience, strength and hope.  I figure that if I can connect to other Catholics here, I might find more of a reason to stay. Not that I am uninterested in non-Catholic members, far from it, I’ll be a friend with anyone who is sincere. But I may find an additional incentive to stick around if I can meet other fellow Catholics.

And so I did a search up there in the search area for “Catholic.” I found a bunch of people. It seems that the ITR search engine found anyone who had the term “Catholic” in his or her profile.

And often the word “Catholic” was right after the word “Recovering.”

To me, that term is mean-spirited and hurtful. It also means that the people identifying themselves as one have unresolved issues with the Church. What do 12 Step Programs say about such things? I forget the exact quote in AA’s “Big Book,” but there is something in it about how anger and resentment are two things that alcoholics (and by modern extension, any addict) cannot afford.

They are dangerous landmines. These unresolved issues are just waiting to bite you and perhaps be the trigger for a relapse. Any resentment or unresolved issue needs to be addressed.

Why the term “Recovered Catholic” anyway? Catholicism is an ancient and deep religion and spirituality that has been one of the primary architects of Western civilization. There is much within it that is useful to anyone in recovery. If a person has been harmed by the Church, whether by abuse (of any kind), or they were raised “too strict,” or they have difficulties with the Church’s teachings, all these need to be explored and dealt with.

Regarding abuse: individuals caused it. Not the Church as an institution. Granted, the Church badly fumbled and stumbled in reforming and dealing with abuse. Those who abused, covered up the abuse, and did other wrongs will eventually suffer just punishment. I am by no means soft-pedaling a serious and critical issue. But the lasting anger and resentment that victims feel years later are hardly a “healing.” There are resources available with the Church and outside that can assist people in healing from abuse. It may take years, but the process should be started, and take as long as it needs to take. Otherwise you’re never completely “recovered” from what happened.

If they were raised by “too strict” parents (or taught by too “tough” nuns), so what? That was the parent’s fault. Why did they feel so strongly about the Faith that they drove it home so hard? Perhaps you can learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teach, and more importantly why She teaches that. Your eyes, heart and mind may be opened. Tell you the truth, I was raised Catholic by my parents, my father was rather strict (less so with me than with my much older siblings). I had enough and left the Church. I wandered about a spiritual desert for maybe 15 years before returning. I am grateful that I did. The Church saved my life. Maintaining a harsh attitude against the Church for how Her teachings were inculcated in you is hardly a sign of one in a good recovery (from an addiction. Again that “resentment” word.)

If it is difficulty with Church teachings, then the same advice: learn from authentic and legitimate Catholic sources as to what the Church teaches, and more importantly why. You may understand.

This all takes honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. It also takes humility.

Many people in recovery find their religious faith (Catholic or otherwise) to be of immense help. Going 12 Step-only does not always work, many people need something more. To identify yourself in a manner that bashes another religion is counter-productive and just plain impolite. It is harmful to others, particularly members of that Faith to whom it may be important), and ultimately paints yourself as an individual who may have a shaky recovery (no matter how long sober and clean.)

If you cannot fully deal with and resolve issues from your past, then how can you be of help to others?

The point is, that no matter what the source is for a person’s use of the term “Recovering Catholic,” it does signify something that needs to be addressed and resolved. Something deep inside is still hurting. Honesty and humility are useful tools in doing this. You may not ever return to the Catholic Church, but perhaps the hate, anger and resentment will fade.

Forgiveness and perhaps even reconciliation are ultimately needed. Many “in the rooms” say the Lord’s Prayer during meetings, or on their own. You may want to take a look at the line towards the end:

“And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who trespass against us.”

It basically means that God will not forgive you of your sins against Him or against others, unless you also forgive others of their sins against you. It is tough. Forgiveness may be the toughest thing anyone can do. If it was easy, the world would be a far more peaceful place.

Some things to ponder.

If any reader is a member of ITR, here is my profile at “In The Rooms”.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Religious solutions to alcoholism

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Many 12 Steppers usually scoff at “religious” solutions to addiction, and
perhaps rightly so due to the low success rate (forgetting that AA has a very
low success rate, too.) Maybe they also think that religious observance is pointless
and is also an “easier, softer, way.” HA!

I think the main reason that religious solutions do not work is that they fail
to directly address the root cause of the addiction: that within each alcoholic
and addict there is something wrong with how the world and environment is perceived
or related to and how to properly react or cope with that. Alcohol addressees that,
although in a bad way.

In AA’s Big Book there is a line towards the end about how AA taught the writer
how to “handle sobriety.” In AA meetings I have heard quite often how the Steps
teach us how to alter or change they way we react to things. I believe that is the
same thing as “handling sobriety.”

I don’t think all the Masses and Rosaries and Divine Mercy Chaplets in the world
will work for anyone UNLESS they also believe in the healing power of Jesus and the
sacraments AND also believe that prayer is a union with God. This also pretty much
mandates Scripture reading. Pondering the Gospels, the NT Letters, the
Psalms and the Wisdom Books (Psalms, Wisdom, Proverbs, Sirach, Song of Songs and
Ecclesiastes) can help in changing how we react to things.

Scripture contains lessons for life and living. AA has their slogans, but the
Bible has more potent “sayings” in Wisdom, Proverbs, Sirach and the rest.

Add in reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and you have another powerful
tool in conversion (for that is what “handling sobriety” and “changing how you think”
amounts to).

This post was inspired by a recent discussion on the Matt Talbot Way of Recovery.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota Part 3: Relapse and Recovery

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This is the third and final part in the series of interviews with leaders of the St. Francis Mission, for background, see An Introduction to the St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota

Q: The following link provides basic information on the recovery programs offered at the Reservation:
Recovery programs at the St. Francis Mission.

They seem to cover all of the basics, 12 Step through AA, Al-Anon, GA and NA. You also have the Betty Ford Institute coming in for various periods throughout the year.

Icimani Ya Waste Recovery CenterUSETHIS

(Photo of Icimani Ya Waste’ Recovery Center courtesy Mike O’Sullivan at the Mission)

Out of the general population of addicts and alcoholics, about what percentage attends meetings and do other recovery work (like sponsoring other addicts or service and volunteer work)?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The two centers we have, we have regular meetings of each of these groups, but it’s a small percentage considering the amount of people who are affected by this disease.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Using my opinion, I would say 40%.

Q: Do people continue with meeting attendance long after they have been clean and sober for a long time?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The ones in our program, yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, their sober lives depend on it.

Q: How great is the incidence of relapse?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: I would say the incidence of relapse from the treatment program on the Rosebud is extremely high. In the meetings that we have at our centers, we’ve had a fairly high success rate of people staying with the program.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: The incident of relapse is a tremendous issue.

Q: Do people keep returning to the recovery programs despite any repeated failures?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: Yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, people will keep returning to the recovery programs despite their repeated failures. Everyone is different, and each person will experience “hitting the bottom” in their own way. This will usually be their time to step up and make that positive change in their life and live it everyday.

Q: How are any chronic relapsers supported? Are they encouraged by other members of the Rosebud recovery community to keep coming back, or does encouragement mainly fall to the clergy?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: This is a people based program. The support for those who relapse is provided by the recovery community and is supported by the clergy.

(Mrs Provencial) A: In my opinion, all relapses are chronic. St. Francis Mission recovery center’s provide educational and support groups to the addicts and family members on the Rosebud reservation. There are also other programs in the tribe that provide support for the addicts but limited support for the family members.

Yes, the addicts are greatly encouraged by their support groups or support person to continue their journey in sobriety. In my opinion, the encouragement does not fall mainly on the clergy, the families encouragement and support is crucial.

Just to wrap-up:

Is there anything else you’d like to mention that I haven’t asked, and that you’d like to “get the message out” to people?

(Mrs. Provencial) A: I would like to mention that the recovery services that St. Francis Mission provides are crucial to the families on the Rosebud reservation. There are no resources of support for the families affected by drugs and alcohol on the reservation. St. Francis Mission sees the negative affects and has developed positive educational support and workshops that have been making a spiritual and positive impact on the native lives.

This concludes this special series of interviews on SoberCatholic. I would like to thank Fr. John Hatcher, SJ, Mrs. Geraldine Provencial, and particularly Corrie Oberdin, Online Marketing Strategist at Corrie Oberdin {dot} Net |. For further information, please Contact the St. Francis Mission or Contact Corrie Oberdin

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to St. Michael the Archangel, Day 8

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On this 8th day of the Novena, we pray for the strength of perseverance in Faith.

The main reason why I started this blog, and the failed social networks involving Catholic addiction, is that too often in 12 Step meeting rooms (and online gatherings) I’ve seen Catholics leave the Church.

I feel it is my duty to stem the tide. I doubt I’ve been very successful, being only one person, but I shall continue anyway.

Why do they leave? It is my conviction that there is excessive moral relativism in the rooms, as well as the sin of indifferentism. Moral relativism is subjective morality, in that morality is situational and based on feelings and not on objective truth. Objective truth means that morality is fixed in terms of things which are always right or always wrong. Indifferentism means that all religions are the same. “It doesn’t matter which one you belong to, as long as you believe.”

Nonsense, if you are a follower of Christ and believe in the accuracy of Divine Revelation.

The idea of a Higher Power may be fine for non-believers or non-Christians, but for Catholics and other Christians the only real Higher Power is Jesus, God Incarnate. If you make anything other than Jesus your Higher Power, you are engaging in idolatry.

Twelve step groups have increasingly led people astray in their Faith. They develop a watered-down Catholicism or depart for a non-denominational Church. The leave the Church that Jesus, the Divine Physician, established with all the healing Sacraments and Saints.

(((sigh)))

We take the Faith and live it. We don’t trade it in for something else, “as long as I don’t take a drink today, I’m OK. I’ve got my Higher Power!” We take the Faith, apply the Gospel to our daily lives, find healing in the Sacraments, and respond to the Gospel’s message by carrying it to others. In doing “good works” we spread the Gospel by our actions (service and volunteering, acts of charity) or by word (conversing or bearing witness to others).

Now, to the Novena:

Begin the prayer with: O God, come to my assistance. O Lord, make haste to help me. Glory be to the Father…, etc.

By the intercession of St. Michael and the celestial Choir of Archangels may the Lord give us perseverance in faith and in all good works in order that we may attain the glory of Heaven. Amen.

[Say one Our Father and three Hail Marys after your intentions for fidelity to the Faith.]

To say the entire Chaplet, click here:
Chaplet of St. Michael

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Independence Day

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A rare "gratitude" post. In the United States today we are celebrating our Independence from Great Britain. They fought long and hard to rid themselves the "People" (British troops and tax collectors), "Places" (far off island governing this Continent), and "Things" (unjust taxation, lack of political representation) that were wrong our their’ lives. And so now we have 235 years of Independence.

We are grateful for that. Although things are not, putting it mildly, all that great in the USA today regardless of one’s political persuasion, our Independence is largely still in our own hands.

Anyone who has been sober and clean for any length of time hopefully remembers the dark days of dependency on their chemical of choice. The "People, Places and Things" of that life are long past, with very little desire to return.

How much control do you have over your sobriety? What do you do to maintain your independence, or do you take it for granted that it will always be present? Twelve Step meetings? The Church and the Sacraments, as well as a prayer life? Service and volunteering?

Be mindful and keep watch.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My interview on American Catholic Radio

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Well, it’s out! Judy Zarick’s interview with me, scheduled for this week, is available here:

American Catholic Radio looks at Ash Wednesday, conversion and social justice

The program is called “Living Faith with Judy Zarick.”

(Via Franciscan Media.)

All in all, the editing was great. It is a 5 minute distillation of a 20-25 minute-long interview.

(The only issue is that although the physical link to my blog is correct, at the end she spoke the old Blogger link. No matter, it just gives me a greater reason to edit the old site so that it is clear it is the defunct version.)

Anyway, click on the link above and give a listen!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Solemnity of Christ the Higher Power

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The following is the Second Reading from the Mass for the Solemnity of Christ the King:

Col 1:12-20: “Brothers and sisters:
Let us give thanks to the Father,
who has made you fit to share
in the inheritance of the holy ones in light.
He delivered us from the power of darkness
and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He is the image of the invisible God,
the firstborn of all creation.
For in him were created all things in heaven and on earth,
the visible and the invisible,
whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers;
all things were created through him and for him.
He is before all things,
and in him all things hold together.
He is the head of the body, the church.
He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead,
that in all things he himself might be preeminent.
For in him all the fullness was pleased to dwell,
and through him to reconcile all things for him,
making peace by the blood of his cross
through him, whether those on earth or those in heaven.“

(Via USCCB.)

This is a reminder to members of 12 Step movements as to what truly should constitute a “Higher Power.” Other derivatives for a Higher Power, such as anything other that Our Savior Jesus Christ may be fine as a temporary measure, to ease oneself back into the practices of Christianity. But the only real and true Higher Power is Jesus.

“For in him were created all things in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers; all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)