Category Archives: Sin

Do not fret because of the wicked

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The excerpt for today is from the Office of the Readings from the Liturgy of the Hours for Tuesday of Holy Week and is Psalm 37:1-4:

Do not fret because of the wicked;
do not envy those who do evil:
for they wither quickly like grass
and fade like the green of the fields.

If you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live in the land and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire.

Source: Divine Office.org

This, then, is envy and resentment. You stopped drinking and using and have received some of the promises and benefits from sobriety, but you haven’t gotten the hang of it entirely. And your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are still havin’ a grand time out there, celebrating and carousing, and maybe teasing you for being a quitter.  

Or, you’ve been clean and sober for a nice long time, and once in a while you just watch people enjoying the gentle conviviality of a few glasses of wine during a dinner or a beer while watching a game on TV. Or, have a crisis, binge all weekend, emerge all right and not touch the stuff for a year because they didn’t have to and don’t “need” it. 

While not implying that your ol’ drinkin’ buddies are wicked (it could be used as a metaphor) the idea that someone, somewhere, out there, is having a good time doing something that could kill you if you returned to doing it does burn. I mean, even I, at times, just wish that I could, you know, have just one little…

But no.

Those who continue drinking and using go on to their own reward, which could be nothing harmful at all if they employ moderation; or they could wind up in the rooms of AA next to you. I can see it now: you’re in some church basement awaiting the start of your Thursday Night 8PM Home Group and someone sits down right next to you; but you’re so engrossed in reading a post from SoberCatholic.com that you don’t notice it’s Norm/Norma with whom you used to go around town barhoppin’. They nudge you in the shoulder and you turn and see them pointing to my post on your phone and they say “Hey, Ron/Rhonda! I read that earlier today! Funny meeting you here!” A pause and then they say “Hey,” again pointing to the SoberCatholic.com page on your screen, “Do you have this? That guy wrote it.” And they pull out and well-worn copy of “The Sober Catholic Way.” You reply, “Yeah, I got that! It changed my life! I bought a boxful off of Amazon and put them in my parish’s reading room and Adoration Chapel!” And so you renew acquaintances.

Or, your reading on that same phone the obituaries and a familiar name shows up on your doomscrolling. “Died suddenly.” You know what that means. 

On the other hand, if you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live a decent life and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire (continued sobriety.)

Please by my book! Link in the image (or click on this):
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Thank you!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

From his misery he raises the poor

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The excerpt from the Psalmody for Evening Prayer I for the Solemnity of the Annunciation on the Tuesday in the 5th week of Lent (that’s a mouthful) is from Psalm 113:7.

From the dust he lifts up the lowly, from his misery he raises the poor.

Courtesy: Divine Office.org

As alcoholics and addicts we were shunned and cast off towrds the margins of decent society. And rightfully so, for our actions caused this. Nevertheless, God loves each and everyone of us as we are, even in the depths of our sins. He made us, how can it be otherwise? We all have equal dignity in His eyes regardless of our worldly status. So, when He sees us deep in our addiction, He is at the ready to help. Sometimes He waits for us to reach out to Him, and at other times He doesn’t wait.

Just as Mary said “Yes,” to when the Archangel Gabriel announced to her that the Holy Spirit desriref to overshadow her so as the Second Person of the trinity could manifest Himself in her and redeem the world, you can say “Yes” to Him and become another Christ-bearer to others. 

The annunciation 1667.jpg!Large.

And He is not frightening, either. This is why He came to the world as an infant. God, the Creator of All, King of the Universe (and Multiverse, if that exists) entered intto human existence as a baby. He humbled umself that much just so as to be approachable. If it helps you to approach God in thaty manner, that is, regarding Him as an infant, that is perfectly acceptable! There is a old, venerable Catholic devotion known as the Devotion to the Infant Jesus (usually involving the “Infant Jesus of Prague.”) 

BY THE WAY: THIS ISN’T A DEVOTION FOR WOMEN, ONLY! Although it appears that women would be more attracted to this, it is a great way for men to learn humility. 

These websites have detailed information on the devotion to the  Infant Jesus. 

The Story of the Infant Jesus of Prague

Infant Jesus of Prague History & Devotion

Infant Jesus of Prague Novenas, Chaplet & Devotions

Prayers and Devotions to the Divine Infant Jesus of Prague

The Infant Jesus of Prague (EWTN!) Mother Angelica had a huge devotion to the Infant Jesus! See:

“Build Me a Temple”: Mother Angelica’s Mystical Visions of the Divine Child Jesus,

Mother Angelica describes her vision of the Divine Child Jesus,

and finally: Divino Niño Day

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lenten Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows: Day 3

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Day 3 (Friday)

The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple

We all know the story: Joseph and Mary make an annual pilgimage to Jerusalem and of course, bring along Jesus. Upon the return, they discover after a day or so that Jesus wasn’t with them; assuming He is with family and friends elsewhere in the caravan, they go looking. They do not find Him. In great haste they return to Jerusalem searching for Him, eventually finding Jesus speaking with the doctors of the Law in the Temple. He is nonchalant about the whole thing, apparently oblivious to their concern. (Kids…) 

The theme to ponder on are the emotions of Joseph and Mary when they discovered He was missing. What all manner of thoughts ran through their minds in the three days they took to return and conduct a search? The utter horror of thinking of what might have happened to their son…. yes, they are aware that He is the Messiah, but still, they are quite like us that despite “knowing” that God has assured us in the past and brought us through a crisis, at the moment when the crisis is happenning, we’re not thinking about that. Joseph and Mary are quite human in their response to Jesus’ absence.

How have you lost Jesus? Did you, at some point in your life, reject Him and all organized religion? That was deliberate choice that you can reverse on your own time. You still lost Him and wandred about looking for a substitute to Him. Perhaps you fell into your addiction. What about those times when you greviously sinned and despaired? Didn’t He seem far away, and that your sin was too great for Him to forgive? Or, that you were too ashamed to confess it? Or, you never really gave Him up, but because of your addiction, lost Him through inattention. The hole in your soul where He used to be became filled with liquour or drugs.

Perhaps you lost Jesus after the death of someone close to you. The utter devastation of the loss was so great that you felt God had left or abandoned you; or, thet He took that loved one away from you to leave you in grief and despair. 

Meditate on all the times that you lost Jesus, either deliberately or through the consequences of other choices. 

Is there one who would not weep,

Whelm’d in miseries so deep,

Christ’s dear Mother to behold?

Can the human heart refrain

From partaking in her pain,

In that Mother’s pain untold?

(Stabat Mater)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lenten Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows: Day 2

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Day 2 (Thursday)

The Flight into Egypt

Joseph is told in a dream to take Mary and the Child Jesus and flee to Egypt to protect the babe’s life as Herod is killing all the young male children in the region around Bethlehem. Herod is in a jealous rage that there may be a king to rival him. That this “rival” king is the Messiah and if Herod humbled himself to worship the Messiah, he would likely go down in history as perhaps one of the greatest kings ever, never occurred to him. Instead, he becomes a symbol for all tyrannical leaders, be they monarchs or republican despots, who rule through fear and terror. Furthermore, he is the prefiguring of all those politicians of any stripe who advocate for abortion and infanticide (i.e. ‘partial birth abortion’) as well as those who enact domestic policies that drive their citizens and subjects far from their homeland to become refugees and migrants. And yes, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were refugees and migrants as they had to flee their native province to a foreign one. Right-wing excusers for unjust immigration policies try to argue that they were not, on the silly basis that Palestine and Egypt were both parts of the Roman Empire. If that mattered, then why flee? Palestine was their homeland, Jesus’ life was threatened and they literally migrated to some land not their own for refuge. Otherwise, these same people hide behind the law as an excuse to support unjust immigration policies (“But they’re illegal aliens! They’re breaking the law!”) Hiding behind the law as an excuse to enable sin is only several degrees less than concentration camp prison guards citing “We were only following orders!” when accused of crimes against humanity. It didn’t work then; it shouldn’t work now. 

The points to ponder and meditate on are the fear and anxiety that permeates everyone’s lives today over the current global and domestic situation (“domestic” as in whatever country you may be reading this) as well as how Mary, herself, coped with it back then. Her “fiat” wasn’t just about accepting the fact that she was to be the Mother of the Messiah, she continually gave her “fiat” in every instance of her life. Her will was always God’s will, as St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe always taught.

Flight into egypt 768x512.

Children’s lives are threatened at every age and in many ways. From being murdered in the womb to shameless infanticide, and through pedophilia crimes that gets ignored if you’re wealthy and powerful enough. If that’s not enough, there’s the increasing sexualization of young people by pop culture. We can pray today and for the rest of Lent for the elimination of these grave crimes. 

There is plenty to be anxious and fearful in these turbulent times. Meditate on Mary’s fiat, and on your own trust in Divine Providence.

Oh, how sad and sore distress’d
Was that Mother highly blest
Of the sole-begotten One!

Christ above in torment hangs;
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying glorious Son.

(Stabat Mater)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The past shall not be remembered

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The Reading from the Mass for the Monday of the Fourth Week of Lent comes from Isaiah 65:17-21; although I only excerpted this part:

The things of the past shall not be remembered or come to mind.

Courtesy:  USCCB

This chapter of Isaiah deals with God’s judgement and salvation for His people. I love this particular line because of the obvious: our sins and the stupid, embarrassing things we’ve all done are wiped clean; we will not be tormented by any memory of them. Makes you consider that the suffering we endure until our (hopeful) entrance into Heaven is worth the while. (If that’s not enough encouragement, then consider that many spiritual writers think that our sins follow us into Hell; there we will be perpetually tormented by what we’ve done.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Living with the Lord

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The Verse before the Gospel for the Friday after Ash Wednesday is from the Book of Amos, 5:14

Seek good and not evil so that you may live,
and the Lord will be with you.

Courtesy USCCB

Seems fairly simple. We seek the good and shun the evil, and we may live (Heaven being our destiny, but that’s not assured as we have to persevere to the end.) The Lord will be with us and if we continue to seek the good, it seems fairly certain that (perhaps after a time spent in Purgatory) we’ll live forever with Jesus and our loved ones in Heaven.

When I was reviewing the day’s Mass readings to pick one for this post, this verse from Amos jumped out primarily because I had the visual image of Heaven popping out at me when I got to the word ‘live.’ This reminded me of the four qualities that our glorified bodies will possess if we make it to Heaven. I think it was St. Thomas Aquinas who developed them from studying the post-Resurrection accounts of Jesus. Since in Heaven, we will be like Him, it is reasonable to assume that we will have bodies like His.  The four qualities our glorified bodies are:

Glory: Sometimes called Beauty, this is liked as to an aura. Our bodies shine with a glow that is as bright as it merits. Some saints in Heaven glow with brightness of a trillion suns, other barley flicker. This all depends upon the life lived while in Time on Earth. As there is only Love in Heavem and bo jealousy, resentment, or envy, no one is dissatisfied with their aura. (When compared with the alternative…)

Impassability: This is the lack of suffering and pain. Everyone shares this equally. No more physical pain, no agony, no suffering from the surrounding environment (in the post-Resurrection Heaven, with its ‘New Heavens and New Earth, we can assume there are all sorts of places to visit, with every environment imaginable. This part makes sense when we get to the next two qualities.) But in addition to the lack of physical pain and suffering, there is a total absence of anxiety, anger, fear, want, hunger, drudgery, despondency, regret, resentment, and so on. No mental or spiritual suffering. 

Subtility: The ability to pass through solid objects. Jesus did this; He walked through the locked door in the Upper Room when He appeared to His disciples. There are other accounts pre-Resurrection when He passed through people. 

Agility: the ability to move at the speed of angels; some describe this as the ability to move at the speed of thought, or the will. You wish to go somewhere far away, you’ll be there in not time.

The existence of these last two qualities implies that the post-resurrevtion Heaven will be a vast, infinitely large physical place. We’d need subtility and agility in order to get anywhere (despite having an eternity to get anywhere, it’s still nice to get there at once.) Agility demands the existence of subtility: if you wish to travel somewhere exceedingly far away, chances are there’s many physical objects between you and your destination. 

If you dwell on these, they may cause you to yearn for Heaven even more than you do now. Assuming that you do. I’ve been ready for over 20 years, but I’m still trudging down here.

There’sa wonderful book that I recommend for you if you wish to explore this further. It helped me a lot in healing after my Mom’s death in 2005. The book is called A Travel Guide to Heaven, by Anthony DeStefano. The link to the book has additional links to where it’s available to purchase. It’s a great read, especially if you miss someone you love, and occasionally wonder if this life is worth putting up with. Compared to what’s waiting for us, it is!

From the site’s book blurb:

What Will Heaven Be Like?
“A Travel Guide to Heaven…bubbles joyously about an incredible Technicolor afterlife that makes the journey over the rainbow to Oz pale in comparison.” –New York Times

Down through the centuries, there have been thousands of books written about the subject of heaven. Some have been great theological tomes, some brilliant essays, other beautiful poems. Religious and secular writers from all walks of life have attempted to describe and explain this most elusive of concepts. And yet, while all of these efforts have added to our understanding of heaven, most of them have been missing one key ingredient: FUN.

If heaven is anything at all, it’s fun. It’s a place of unlimited pleasure, unlimited happiness, and unlimited joy. It’s Disney World, Hawaii, Paris, Rome and New York all rolled up into one. And it’s forever.

If your picture of heaven could use a little fine-tuning, then this remarkable book is just the ticket. Fueled by the author’s profound faith, his bold vision, and his irresistible sense of adventure, A TRAVEL GUIDE TO HEAVEN takes us on a virtual tour of eternal life.

This is one trip you won’t want to miss!

And again, you can find places to buy it here: A Travel Guide to Heaven, by Anthony DeStefano.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gracious and merciful is he

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An excerpt from the First Reading from the Book of Joel (2:12-14) for Ash Wednesday:

Even now, says the LORD,
return to me with your whole heart,
with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
Rend your hearts, not your garments,
and return to the LORD, your God.
For gracious and merciful is he,
slow to anger, rich in kindness,
and relenting in punishment.
Perhaps he will again relent
and leave behind him a blessing,
Offerings and libations
for the LORD, your God.

Courtesy USCCB

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent; that liturgical season when Christians shed their character defects, attempt to turn away from sin and grow closer to Jesus. We make advances in our spiritual progress; while not technically a period when we engage in ‘self-help’, nevertheless, in amending our lives and turning away from sin, we try to become better people with the hope that when Lent ends, we retain the good we have become.

Since Lent is the time when we approach the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus, and He underwent all of tht in a propitiatory offering for our sins, we may tend to think of God as an angry god seeking to mete out punshment.

But as we see from the Old Testament Book of Joel, we are reminded that when we turn to God with our heart, truly sorrowful for our sins, He does not respond with punitive justice. He is gracious, merciful, slow to anger (likely due to He knows we are weak and frail,) rich in kindness and will relent in His punishments. All we need to do is truly come to terms with our sins, see them in light of the eternity that awaits us, and cast off the behavior that separates us from Him. And when we do that, He will open His arms wide to embrace us.

Become a better person this Lent. Look at your sins in the light of eternity.  

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lourdes, the Immaculate Conception, the Militia of the Immaculata and Sobriety

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Reblogged from several years ago and edited slightly:

This is a story about a Marian feast day, its significance; a saint and what he did with it; and what all this meant for yours truly.

Today is February 11th, day when  Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette Soubirous in a grotto near Lourdes, France in 1858.

The apparition was significant in several respects: the most important was that Our Lady identified herself with the words, “I am the Immaculate Conception.” Not that she was “immaculately conceived,” but rather she was the essence of the immaculate conception. As St. Maximilian Kolbe later pointed out (this is a paraphrase) “To be white is one thing, to be whiteness is another.”

For another, it seemed as if Heaven was endorsing the definition of the Dogma of Mary’s Immaculate Conception in 1854 by Pope Pius IX in Ineffabilis Deus:

“We declare, pronounce and define that the doctrine which asserts that the Blessed Virgin Mary, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God, and in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, Saviour of the human race, was preserved free from every stain of original sin is a doctrine revealed by God and, for this reason, must be firmly and constantly believed by all the faithful.”

And one more: that Mary’s self-identification as the Immaculate Conception was utterly fascinating and mysterious to St. Maximilian Kolbe, who meditated and pondered on it his entire life. It inspired his “Militia of the Immaculata” and associated media enterprises and friaries.

I discovered St. Maximilian Kolbe and the Militia of the Immaculata in 2002, after I had sobered up sufficiently to search online for what the Catholic Church has to offer me in recovery. As I had stated in my Reversion story, “I had been going to AA meetings, but I knew early on that the brand of spirituality offered there was not going to do the job.” And so I explored the religion of my childhood and never looked back. That St. Max was a patron of addicts helped. When I learned that, I explored more about him.

So I found out about St. Max and the M.I. The M.I. calls for consecrating oneself to the Blessed Mother as her “possession and property” so she can “make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases” her. That she will use me as “a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing your  (note: God’s) glory to the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.” I figured if that’s true (and I never doubted the Blessed Mother) then this may help in my recovery. I doubt that remaining a drunk would be of use to her. This blog post Marian Consecration and the Guarantee of Eternal life expands on how Marian Consecration can help your sobriety. In short, when you become Mary’s possession, she guides you along the path to Jesus. Consecration can heal you, not in any miraculous way (but that could happen!) but it can help you focus and give a new dimension to your prayer and devotional life. I firmly believe that if you consecrate yourself to Mary, the probability of relapse should vanish (your willing cooperation with the graces received through Mary’s interession is assumed.)

And so on October 7, 2002, on the Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary, I gave myself to Mother Mary. I joined the M.I. which “is a universal and international public Association of the faithful, erected by the Holy See. The MI was founded by St. Maximilian Kolbe, OFMConv., in 1917, is open to Catholics, of all walks of life, and encourages all people of good will to develop a trusting relationship with Our Lady. The aim of the MI is to win the whole world for Christ through the Immaculata, Mother of God and of the Church.

“The MI is a global vision of Catholic life under a new form, consisting in the bond with the Immaculata, our universal Mediatrix before Jesus.” -St. Maximilian Kolbe.

The MI offers programs that: -Provide formation in the teachings of the Catholic Church
-Foster love for Jesus in the Eucharist and for the Sacramental life
-Promote a deep understanding of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s role in the plan of Salvation and of the gift of consecration to her in the spirit of St. Maximilian Kolbe.
-Ignite with the zeal to become generous instruments of evangelization in one’s own environment, giving witness to the Truth and promoting the sacredness of human life. M.I. members, mindful of their call to evangelize, strive to give witness to the Faith everywhere. They seek to reach out to their own families, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, the sick and elderly, youth, adults, and whomever they meet, in order to lead every individual with Mary to Christ, Our Savior and Our Hope.

(Above quote courtesy of M.I. You can also visit that link to learn more about the MI and St. Maximilian Kolbe, along with possibly joining yourself!)

I think Mary started using me right afterwards. She strengthened me against what I perceived as attacks against my Faith in my AA Home Group as well as giving me the courage to stop attending meetings regularly in 2004. Not that I am advocating everyone should stop going to meetings; on the contrary, if you enjoy and need regular meeting attendance, by all means do it. It just wasn’t for me.

Once I drifted from AA, I began looking into what recovery resources the Church offers. You can read about that here: “About this blog.” After a whle I just decided to start Sober Catholic; I mentioned in some earlier post that I believe the Blessed Virgin Mary “inspired” me to do it. A “fruit,” if you will, of of my M.I. Consecration. Not that I received any interior locution or some such thing, just a desire that since no one else was doing this at the time, I might as well. I doubt I’d have the courage on my own.

So here’s the story: A apparition of the Blessed Mother; a saint’s taking that apparition and message and developing it; and a marginal ex-drunk finding a personal mission in it – Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny and taking whoever bothers to read this stuff along with him.

So that’s that! The sanctuary or Our Lady of Lourdes in France is famous for miraculous healings wrought there. Over 7,000 miralulous healinga have been reported since 1858; only 72 (so far) have been confirmed by the Church to me truly miraculous.) Because of that, Pope St. John Paul II also declared today to be the “World Day of the Sick” in 1993. We alcoholics, even though we may be sober, are still “sick.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Hindering God’s Love: self-love as a bad choice

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I went to Confession tonight before Vigil Mass and we had a different priest (a visiting priest from somewhere as ours is in Rome on pilgrimage.) 

This priest was one of those who talked a little after you finished reciting your sins and how many times you committed them. He said something that will remain with me until the day I die. I’ll paraphrase as I don’t remember his exact wording:

“God loves you, despite whatever sins you’ve committed; remember that: God loves you despite everything. However, (and this is the part that’s going to ‘remain with me until the day I die’) our sins hinder our experience of God’s love.”

Wow. I never thought of it that way. I know that sins block or inhibit God’s graces (mortal sins cut you off completely from Divine grace; venial sins clog up the channels of grace like cholesterol does in the bloodstream) but I never really viewed it in the manner of “hindering our experience” of God’s love. I mean, I know that God always loves me no matter what, but I think I conceived of that in a more abstract way, like He loves me but when in deep sin His love is still there, but not a very active way. Sort of like when you love your spouse or child or friend or whoever but when they really tick you off  you’re  a little cool towards them for a while, even though you still love still them.

God is better than that. He’s bigger than your sins and while it is true that sin blocks the flow of grace (that free gift of spiritual help, succor, and support from God) His love is still present and ready to manifest itself when you repent and turn back. God is unchanging. God’s love for you is eternal: even if you were damned and you find yourself in Hell, God still loves you (as shown by His respecting your free will choices in life of rejecting Him and His will and law. True, real, love does not force itself on anyone who doesn’t want it. You avoid God, avoid Church, avoid praying, adopt a purely secular life and viewpoint, mock religion and belief, then the consequences of your decisions land you in Hell. You didn’t want to pay any attention to God during your lifetime, you expect to send eternity with Him in Heaven? Many saints have written that the pains of Hell is the pain of Loss of God: that at the moment of death you experience God face-to-face and that marks your soul somehow; and if you merit Hell, the sudden loss of that vision of God and “what could have been yours forever, the possession and knowledge and vision of God” is the pain, like fire, of Hell. 

Anyway, this “hindering our experience” of God’s love is an important point for us sober Catholics to consider. I’ve written numerous times and you must have read it countless times elsewhere in your spiritual reading that addiction is a “hole in the soul” that we addicts and alcoholics fill with the wrong stuff. Drugs, liquor, pornography, whatever: we seek God but in all the wrong places. God loves us through all of this, but the actions of that love is missed by us. Sometimes when we are in a rally dark place we finally see it and then our recovery begins.

But when we try to fill that hole in our soul with something other than God, or when we persist in a chronic, repeated sin (which may or may not be an addiction, but is an inordinate desire for something contrary to our good) we experience not God’s love, but our own self-love. By ‘self-love’ I do not refer to the healthy kind that is a positive, well-balanced self-assessment; the decent, well-ordered self-esteem kind. I mean that love which puts self-gratification and self-will first; it could be narcissistic; at any rate, it is inward directed as opposed to “other directed,” the “other” being other people. 

Think about that. Imagine how transformed our lives could become if we just made a “fearless and searching” examination of conscience, took a long, hard look at our sins, especially those we routinely confess every time we go, and saw how those sins are a search for God’s love but in the wrong places. We can then petition the Holy Spirit to help us turn to God whenever we seek something other than Him.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Exploring hurt people hurting other people

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This is a followup to Hurt People Hurt People. It was originally published on Paul Sofranko Space, but I edited it for Sober Catholic. It describes how a person might become an ‘antagonist,’ but for a fictional setting; this may be added to the backstory of a character in a novel I’m working on. I firmly believe that writing has tremendous therapeutic value, and writing fiction is a way to deal with trauma. This post explores how a “bad person,” maybe a “hurt person who hurts others” got that way in the first place. While it is easy to create bad people who are just evil, it is more realistic to show how root causes have driven them to be who they are; all of which could have been avoided. Perhaps they can be redeemed.

This is drawn from personal traumas I referred to the the “Hurt people…” post (the 1995 incident referred to but I didn’t reveal; and the 2005 death of my Mom and the aftermath,) although some elements in it are speculative or conjectural.

There are two people, Person A (“PA”) and Person B (“PB”). PA also has accomplices or people sympathetic, but PA is the ringleader; possibly through fear and intimidation. PB is mostly alone.

PA and accomplices had screwed over PB to the point of driving him to consider suicide. PB is figuratively broken, bruised, bloodied and wounded and is cast aside. He is left to wondering “Why?”

This had poured salt into a wound created years before when PA grievously harmed PB with unjust accusations. PB had been wondering “Why?” about that ever since; this new event just made things worse, hence the consideration of suicide. PB’s discovery through one of PA’s accomplices that PA doesn’t even remember this older event just adds salt to the wound.

The “Whys?” were never addressed. PB never gets answers. PA, et al., have moved on from the event and put it behind them; after all, they were the antagonists and know the “Whys?” (if there were actually any) and have dealt with whatever they need to. Not so with PB. For him, hurt and pain continue and becomes an integral part of his existence. Without understanding the “Whys?” PB never fully recovers and is changed for the worse.

PB struggles with things and tries to relate best to the reality about him but feels alone as no one really stood up and defended him during the events; and afterward others are uncomfortable or indifferent; as such he trusts others little and presumes bad motives. He tried to defend himself during the horrors, but was out gunned and outnumbered. PB also had a weak and vulnerable base from which to defend himself, being faced with certain survival issues at the same time.

His obsession with PA and the others (his frequent dwelling on the “Whys?” and such,) and wishing it never happened or fantasizing about vengeance or at least something happening to bring about justice, and knowing that it will probably never come to pass has lead PB to become something of an antagonist himself; while wanting to be “good,” he feels he cannot risk that and needs to put himself and his feelings first.

Meanwhile, PA and the others are to all appearances “good people,” and if they bother to discuss the events at all, it is to the disparagement of PB. As PB isn’t around to defend himself and no one else is willing to defend him, his reputation suffers. Only one side of the story gets told.

So, a combination of time leading PB to become “bad” in the eyes of PA and accomplices, and PA, et al., becoming “good” has only worsened things for PB. PB was the victim; he never deserved the treatment. But due to powerlessness and no healing because PB never learned “Why?” has stunted PB and left him emotionally back where everything took place. And thus PB is ‘bad,’ not ‘evil’ but due to the woundedness and lack of answers leading to justice and healing, PB’s actions are difficult.

PB is not a “whiner,” nor one who touts “victimhood.” He had difficulty in “getting over it” but is one who is truly wounded and has never gotten the needed healing or justice.

The only thing that can heal PB is justice and knowledge. He has to know why the treatment was meted out almost to the point of driving him to suicide. PA and accomplices have to make amends, both psychological and emotional. Material amends would be a bonus, but PB knows that will never happen. (PB perhaps suffered some material loss in income over his inability to manage and cope for a while.) At any rate, PA and the others have to make certain sacrifices to undo the harm they caused.

So, that’s it. A person is a victim of unjust action which were never redressed. The hurt party is still wounded despite time and some attempts at healing, but lingering issues prevent full healing. Hence, the pain has transformed him into an ‘antagonist.’ (This is where this fictional exercise departs from any “autobiographical” account. In fiction, we can safely explore the “What ifs.”) PB is wounded and that woundedness causes him to wound others. The degree to which he becomes an antagonist varies: there is him merely being a jerk, all the way to him becoming single-mindedly focused on achieving world domination and bending people to his will, severely punishing others in the process. He says “Mwuahahahahahahahaha!” a lot.

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