Category Archives: Patience

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena for Alcoholics: Day 4

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Grief. Mourning the death of a loved one and dealing with how to fill the hole created in your life by the loss may be the biggest threat to an alcoholic’s sobriety.

The grand theological concepts of Faith such as an afterlife and a possible reunion with the beloved in Heaven only if you both have died in the grace of God might cause this to be an insurmountable situation for some. If just swept under the rug and avoided it becomes a landmine lying in the road of recovery we are trudging along.

Death. The landscape of your life has changed. The person is gone and is never coming back. One constant piece of advice offered in recovery is that you need to change how you react to things. This is fine for most events. Death is the one unavoidable and unalterable event. It happens to everyone. It will happen to you. How you react to it fundamentally defines your relationship with God and how strong your faith is.

If your religious and spiritual faith is strong and death is an accepted part of living, then you will cope with the loss in a manner that may ensure your sobriety’s survival. If you hadn’t encountered death yet, but have a healthy, viable and ongoing means of conversion (i.e. you’re into “spiritual progression”) you will have it rough as you adjust to this new thing, but you’ll survive. You may not want to, but you will. It is almost as if you are back at that “jumping off place”, that area in your drinking career when you’re at bottom and you know that drinking leads to death, and not-drinking may only bring a wish for death.

You learn that grief is not something to be avoided, but used. Grief is something you plow through, not work around.

As in other times, but perhaps more in this situation than in any other, the Blessed Mother is ready and able to help.

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

NOTE: Reposted from last year.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

When He was insulted, He returned no insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten

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The following passage from the First Letter of St. Peter speaks of a difficult, challenging but ultimately liberating attitude towards authority. Particarly if you’re having a bad time with it (authority) and have suffered justly or unjustly at the hands of it.

Alcoholics have a particular need for this passage as there is a residual sense of selfishness and pride in early recovery while the whole “humility thing” is being worked out. Non-alcoholics can use this as it will help them endure coping with authority, the legitimate and just, and the unfair and unjust.

Note: take out the word “slaves” and substitute “employees” or “children”. And for the word “masters” substitute “bosses”, “managers” or “parents”.

1 Peter 2:18-25: “Slaves, be subject to your masters with all reverence, not only to those who are good and equitable but also to those who are perverse.

For whenever anyone bears the pain of unjust suffering because of consciousness of God, that is a grace.

But what credit is there if you are patient when beaten for doing wrong? But if you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.

‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’

When he was insulted, he returned no insult; when he suffered, he did not threaten; instead, he handed himself over to the one who judges justly.

He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

For you had gone astray like sheep, but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls. “

(Via USCCB.)

As I have stated countless times before, as Christians we are to emulate Christ. We must take up our crosses and follow Him, as He commanded.

Matthew 16:24: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.”

(Via USCCB.)

It is self-righteous pride when we cry out against real or perceived unjust treatment of ourselves. “Why me?” Perhaps it is connected to our instinct for self-preservation, but our faith in God should be strong enough to consider that He has a plan in store for us and if things are not going our way, then maybe He has something different in mind for our lives. If we are suffering through this, then somehow that suffering is a part of His plan of salvation for us. And as Jesus accepted His cross for humanity’s salvation, so then must we take up our individual crosses for our discipleship.

Being a Christian isn’t easy. And it was never intended to be.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Be Sober, Calm and Vigilant

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Today’s First Reading from the Office of Readings in the Liturgy of the Hours has a nice exhortation to us alcoholics ( well, anyone, really):

1 Peter 5:8-9: “Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.”

(Via USCCB.)

Compare the New American Bible’s translation above with the Jerusalem Bible’s version below and you gain some interesting insights into being sober:

1 Peter 5:8-9: “Be calm but vigilant, because your enemy the devil is prowling round like a roaring lion, looking for someone to eat. Stand up to him, strong in faith and in the knowledge that your brothers all over the world are suffering the same things.”

(Via Universalis.)

One nice reason for having multiple Catholic translations of the Bible is that you can compare the differences in a particular verse and get a better understanding of what it means. In the First Letter of Peter, one version uses “sober” whereas the other uses “calm”. Sober can then mean “calm”. This reminds us of remaining calm in the face of things that in the past would have led us to alcohol. We recall our training in AA meetings on how we must change how we react to things.

The same thing for dealing with Satan, for he is ever present in the World and is always eager to take advantage of whatever chink there is in your spiritual armor.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Our Lady of Lourdes for Alcoholics: Day 5

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Patience is a condition that we alcoholics have serious issues with. And these issues can continue well into our sobriety. It seems as if we can never ever fully get rid of the “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude, no matter how much we have worked on developing our sense of patience.

“Lord, give me patience, and make it QUICK!”

It can be argued that impatience is a secret desire to be like God. Only God has control over time, and impatience is a desire for control over time. Time doesn’t move fast enough, events do not take place when we want them to. Things take too long to finish. The present time is never enough, we want the future, too.

This is of course futile and only leads to anger and frustration, two emotions that we alcoholics cannot afford. We lose our self-control and get knocked “off the beam” and our sobriety is at risk.

Developing a patient attitude takes time. A person in recovery who has a good sense of self and a good knowledge of their interior life can learn over time all those emotional and situational triggers which set off an impatience binge and then learn to counter them. Merely recognizing when they occur is often enough to quiet them down. Not always, but given the practice, the intellectual and spiritual sides of the person will be able to tame the impatient streak.

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Gratitude: Wanting what you have

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One of my least favorite 12 Step meeting topics is “gratitude”. Not that I am ungrateful for anything in sobriety, for I have plenty to be grateful for. My main issue whenever this topic is brought up is that quite often the attendees just launch into a list of the things they are grateful for. Much of it is common to all even when the sharer does personalize it with special items. Nevertheless, such “gratitude” listings are boring (to me) and miss the point.

First, the idea that anyone needs to hear something about gratitude. Does this person feel a nostalgia for the days of drinking? Are they taking their sober life for granted and therefore need to be reminded of what can be lost if they do return? Do they not see very well the things around them that they have attained as a result of their sobriety? Do they just want to boast about their sobriety (“Oh, look at me, see how much I’VE got!”)

Someone at a 12-Step meeting with the topic of gratitude I attended long ago introduced something besides a list of what he was grateful for. He mentioned something along the lines of gratitude as being an attitude. He concluded with the notion that gratitude simply means that you want what you already have.

We alcoholics have an impatient streak. Even after a sustained period of sobriety we sometimes fall back into the “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. We are impatient with what we already have and seek to attain or achieve something else that would make us better or happier. Just like back in the days of our drinking we needed “just one more”, what we have now is not enough and we seek something more to satisfy a hole in our soul.

“Wanting what you already have” is a great way of humbly accepting that which has come into your life and genuinely appreciating it. It is also an excellent way of living a moderate life and not a life driven to excess and conspicuous consumption. In other words, greed.

Sometimes the words “and thanking God for it” are added to the definition of gratitude. “Gratitude means wanting what you already have and thanking God for it.” A nice reminder as from where all good things come from, and to Whom we owe our sobriety to.

Luke 17:12-19: “As he was entering a village, ten lepers met (him). They stood at a distance from him

and raised their voice, saying, ‘Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!’

And when he saw them, he said, ‘Go show yourselves to the priests.’ As they were going they were cleansed.

And one of them, realizing he had been healed, returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;

and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. He was a Samaritan.

Jesus said in reply, ‘Ten were cleansed, were they not? Where are the other nine?

Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?’

Then he said to him, ‘Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.'”

(Via USCCB.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Happiness from People, Places and Things

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A realization came to me at work some time ago (I think last summer, 2008). It was a bad day at work, and I was wondering about why we have to endure certain things. I know I’ve written a great number of times about the need to accept suffering as evidence of our willingness to follow Christ, but at times I still wonder about happiness, and its place in our lives.

I think that happiness is illusory, we cannot depend upon others too much for our happiness, and if we look inward we become self-indulgent and then block out other people. Places change. The things of this world are passing, we cannot depend upon them either.

People come and go, the things of this world fade away, too. Some people stay with you for a long time, but they are a minority.

Places deteriorate, or you have to leave them for other places.

Things that the world offers are definitely not a source of happiness, at least not long-term healthy kind. They tend to take you away from God and the spiritual.

The only true source of happiness comes from following God’s will as best as one can discern it and following that will to Heaven, our true and eternal home.

It is sometimes necessary then for Christians to be “disconnected” from the world, to be “in the world”, but not “of it”. We participate in it, but realize that it is only a way station, and not a place of permanence.

This is what Sacred Scripture and The Catholic Church teaches. And this is why the Catholic faith was very instrumental in helping me overcome my alcoholism. I, like many other alcoholics, sought out people, places and things to satisfy a need. When we drank, it seemed that these illusory and transitory things were permanent.

Matthew 6:33: “…seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.“

(Via USCCB.)</p

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Perseverance

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Perseverance will see you through. Too many people give up and cave in to despair or pressure and never see it through their pain and suffering.

Problems never seem to be solvable while you’re going through them, but when they’re done you’re stronger as a result.

There are wishes during the experiences for the gentle relief of alcohol, just to take the edge off. But you never seriously entertain the thought. Just a wistful longing and then dismissed. Sometime ago during weaker days you might have succumbed.

One reason why you hear it said that enduring suffering strengthens you. Like an athlete in training, you get stronger in dealing with life.

Too many people in today’s societies try to avoid suffering and trials and seek to avoid them. That is why most of us are alcoholics, we lacked the ability to effectively cope with them.

“This, too, shall pass.” And pass it does.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Enduring suffering

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As I had mentioned in a previous post about This too shall pass , I had gone through some trials at work for much of last summer (2008). It had gotten somewhat better when I realized that others were basically treated as I am, I perhaps worse as I was new and had struggled a bit more. Anyway, what I have gleaned from all this is the acceptance of enduring.

I endured all that. I have four 10 hour shifts every week. I had gotten stronger as a result of patiently enduring all the nonsense I was going through. Quietly putting up with all the stuff has enabled me to appreciate other people’s suffering and made me more tolerant of other’s flaws and faults. Not that I was indifferent to them, but perhaps God needed to sharpen that aspect of my personality.

As a Catholic Christian who longs for going to my true home, Heaven, this has also helped me cope with my Earthly exile.

Trials and suffering strengthen us. As we succeed in coping with these events, we are better equipped to deal with greater issues as we progress along in life (“trudge the Road of Happy Destiny”). All life is suffering interspersed with moments of happiness, joy, wonder and beauty. Those are a foretaste of Heaven.

Enduring can be likened to forging steel. It is tempered to the precise strength needed to do its purpose, whether to form part of a building or to aid in battle as a sword.

This may seem as if I am boasting, but it is not. I went through no small amount of pain, and survived. Just passing along personal experience.

If I accept suffering and patiently endure it, I can be a strong edifice or battle weapon for doing God’s will.

Pray we all succeed in this.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

This too shall pass

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We all go through trials. Suffering is a natural part of life. Every one of us endures this or that situation that seems to be neverending. And most times it seems that our suffering is worse that anyone else’s. Even news reports of natural disasters fail to change our perspective.

Despite our experience in the past that things do get better and the bad times fade, we forget this. Due to our alcoholic tendencies, we may even wallow in our despair, thus prolonging or making worse whatever we’re going through. Sometimes we are only happy when we’re miserable. Probably only an alcoholic or addict will understand this.

Last summer (2008) I was going through a bit of a rough patch. I had started a new job a few months prior and although I am pretty good at what I do I must admit to having had a steeper “learning curve” and have taken a little longer than I should have to grasp some of the details.

But this had made me vulnerable to “attitude problems” from other coworkers, mostly those much younger than I. I was being taken advantage of (or so it seemed) in those areas that I excel at, and in those areas I needed improvement in I was being gossiped about to other staffers, including management. This had led to some strain on my part and anxiety when I reported to work. Many days I hated going to work, not because of my tasks which I enjoy, but because of whom I worked with.

Insecurity ruled the day. I had even started another job search to hedge my bets about my ability to keep this one.

I titled this post “This too shall pass” as that is an AA slogan intended to remind us that no matter what we are going through, it will end. Whether our suffering is caused by others, or of our own mistakes doesn’t matter. It will end. What we must do is to learn from it. Or else it was just wasted time and pointless.

Someone once said that experience is the learning we gleaned from our mistakes. Experience makes the bad times and suffering we go through worthwhile, once they’re over.

As I write this now (this was originally a post on another blog that I am discontinuing, so it’s an edited update) things did get better. I persevered. I transferred to another office in the area and I fit it very well with my co-workers and management. I am appreciated and made to feel welcome.

Just remember this. It will pass. Just persevere, have faith that God will get you through it and perhaps is trying to teach you something. Pray for the wisdom to understand.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Benedict's Ladder of Humility: Step 8

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The 8th Step of St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility is that a monk does only what is endorsed by the common rule of the monastery and the example set by the superiors.

You join a group, whether it’s a job or a church softball team, no matter, you just joined some existing organization with legitimate authority over its members and as such has placed generally accepted rules for doing things over its members. In joining such a group, you have tacitly agreed to abide by the rules of the organization. The organization therefore has a right to expect you to live by the rules, otherwise, why’d you sign up?

If you do not like the rules, the honorable thing to do would be to leave. If you cannot abide by the rules, for whatever reason, to stay in the organization would be dishonest and disruptive. Even if you hid your displeasure, you would be dishonest with yourself and disruptive of your interior life. Sobriety might be threatened as you struggled to reconcile your beliefs, or ways of doing things, with the group you are a member of. If the group has a way of considering discontent and sees there is room for change, then this is fine as change within the system is the sign of a dynamic and vibrant group. If you could not hide your displeasure, and there were no mechanisms for enabling change within the system, then to stay would be dishonest to the group and disruptive to the members.

In a way, it goes back to the false humility vs true humility comparison mentioned in Sixth Step . With a sense of true humility, and after the humble examination of your beliefs, attitudes and motivations with the notion that you might possibly be wrong, you would leave the group rather than stay and be disruptive. With a sense of false humility, you might refuse to consider that your position is wrong, and adopt a kind of “martyr” attitude and stay. As I said in the 6th Step: True humility deflects attention from ourselves, or at least we are uncomfortable with the attention; false humility attracts attention and enjoys the attention our work brings us. There is the possibility that the falsely humble will leave and build a new group around themselves. A martyr complex changed to that of a rebel and exile. Romantic notions, but ego-driven.

How is this relevant to our sobriety? Ego-driven actions are dangerous to us. Drinking fueled them back then, and to return to them after sobriety may be dangerous unless we have a well balanced life and also a very well developed spiritual life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)