Be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving

The Reading for the Evening Prayer for the Liturgy of the Hours for Wednesday of Holy Week is from Ephesians 4:32—5:2.

“Be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ. Be imitators of God as his dear children. Follow the way of love, even as Christ loved you. He gave himself for us as an offering to God, a gift of pleasing fragrance.”

Source: DivineOffice.org

One of the many theories as to why we are alcoholics and addicts is that during our upbringing and through early adulthood we had not formed adequate interpersonal bonds with other people. We had “poor social skills” and were often “isolated.” Because of this, it was only through drinking and drugging that we were able to artificially “restore” some degree of “normal behaviour.” I say “artificially” as it was a fraud, a falsehood.

I picked this passage from today’s readings because if we had a culture like that, I firmly believe that alcoholism and addiction would fade into rarity. (This is a theme I expound on in my book, Building a Civilization of Live: A Call to Creative Catholics.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

From his misery he raises the poor

The excerpt from the Psalmody for Evening Prayer I for the Solemnity of the Annunciation on the Tuesday in the 5th week of Lent (that’s a mouthful) is from Psalm 113:7.

From the dust he lifts up the lowly, from his misery he raises the poor.

Courtesy: Divine Office.org

As alcoholics and addicts we were shunned and cast off towrds the margins of decent society. And rightfully so, for our actions caused this. Nevertheless, God loves each and everyone of us as we are, even in the depths of our sins. He made us, how can it be otherwise? We all have equal dignity in His eyes regardless of our worldly status. So, when He sees us deep in our addiction, He is at the ready to help. Sometimes He waits for us to reach out to Him, and at other times He doesn’t wait.

Just as Mary said “Yes,” to when the Archangel Gabriel announced to her that the Holy Spirit desriref to overshadow her so as the Second Person of the trinity could manifest Himself in her and redeem the world, you can say “Yes” to Him and become another Christ-bearer to others. 

The annunciation 1667.jpg!Large.

And He is not frightening, either. This is why He came to the world as an infant. God, the Creator of All, King of the Universe (and Multiverse, if that exists) entered intto human existence as a baby. He humbled umself that much just so as to be approachable. If it helps you to approach God in thaty manner, that is, regarding Him as an infant, that is perfectly acceptable! There is a old, venerable Catholic devotion known as the Devotion to the Infant Jesus (usually involving the “Infant Jesus of Prague.”) 

BY THE WAY: THIS ISN’T A DEVOTION FOR WOMEN, ONLY! Although it appears that women would be more attracted to this, it is a great way for men to learn humility. 

These websites have detailed information on the devotion to the  Infant Jesus. 

The Story of the Infant Jesus of Prague

Infant Jesus of Prague History & Devotion

Infant Jesus of Prague Novenas, Chaplet & Devotions

Prayers and Devotions to the Divine Infant Jesus of Prague

The Infant Jesus of Prague (EWTN!) Mother Angelica had a huge devotion to the Infant Jesus! See:

“Build Me a Temple”: Mother Angelica’s Mystical Visions of the Divine Child Jesus,

Mother Angelica describes her vision of the Divine Child Jesus,

and finally: Divino Niño Day

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lenten Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows: Day 3

Day 3 (Friday)

The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple

We all know the story: Joseph and Mary make an annual pilgimage to Jerusalem and of course, bring along Jesus. Upon the return, they discover after a day or so that Jesus wasn’t with them; assuming He is with family and friends elsewhere in the caravan, they go looking. They do not find Him. In great haste they return to Jerusalem searching for Him, eventually finding Jesus speaking with the doctors of the Law in the Temple. He is nonchalant about the whole thing, apparently oblivious to their concern. (Kids…) 

The theme to ponder on are the emotions of Joseph and Mary when they discovered He was missing. What all manner of thoughts ran through their minds in the three days they took to return and conduct a search? The utter horror of thinking of what might have happened to their son…. yes, they are aware that He is the Messiah, but still, they are quite like us that despite “knowing” that God has assured us in the past and brought us through a crisis, at the moment when the crisis is happenning, we’re not thinking about that. Joseph and Mary are quite human in their response to Jesus’ absence.

How have you lost Jesus? Did you, at some point in your life, reject Him and all organized religion? That was deliberate choice that you can reverse on your own time. You still lost Him and wandred about looking for a substitute to Him. Perhaps you fell into your addiction. What about those times when you greviously sinned and despaired? Didn’t He seem far away, and that your sin was too great for Him to forgive? Or, that you were too ashamed to confess it? Or, you never really gave Him up, but because of your addiction, lost Him through inattention. The hole in your soul where He used to be became filled with liquour or drugs.

Perhaps you lost Jesus after the death of someone close to you. The utter devastation of the loss was so great that you felt God had left or abandoned you; or, thet He took that loved one away from you to leave you in grief and despair. 

Meditate on all the times that you lost Jesus, either deliberately or through the consequences of other choices. 

Is there one who would not weep,

Whelm’d in miseries so deep,

Christ’s dear Mother to behold?

Can the human heart refrain

From partaking in her pain,

In that Mother’s pain untold?

(Stabat Mater)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress.

The excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass on Tuesday of the Fourth Week of Lent (Psalm 46:2):

God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress.

Courtesy USCCB

Just a friendly reminder that no matter how chaotic the world is, or how chaotic our personal  life is, God does not abandon us. It may seem like it,  and when that happens, we must seek Him out with ever more desire for His comfort and His grace. They are always available when things get crazy. Recall all the times in the past when it seemed that ‘all was lost.’ And yet you got through it. You will again. If there is an Adoration Chapel near you, or a parish with Euscharistic Adoration, perhaps now is ia good time to visit. Jesus is there, and oasis of calm in a stormy, chaotic existence.

In Chapter 2 “Adore Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament” of my book, The Sober Catholic Way, I wrote a poem (of sorts:)

You are little…the World prefers big.
You are humble… the World demands pride.
You are still… the World is fast.
You are helpless… the World honors the strong.
You are mercy… the World teaches revenge.
You are forgiveness… the World nurtures resentment.
You are quiet… the World blares noise.
You are peace…the World is at war.
You are sacred… the World is profane.
You are trust… the World is in fear.
You are meek… the World encourages arrogance.

Go and see Him in the quiet of the chapel.

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I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

There is no foothold

This excerpt from the Office of the Readings from the Liturgy of the Hours for the Friday of the Third Week of Lent comes from Psalm 69:1-2; 14-16.

Save me, O God, for the waters have risen to my neck.

I have sunk into the mud of the deep and there is no foothold.

I have entered the waters of the deep and the waves overwhelm me.

This is my prayer to you, my prayer for your favor.


In your great love, answer me, O God, with your help that never fails;

rescue me from sinking in the mud, save me from my foes.

Save me from the waters of the deep lest the waves overwhelm me.

Do not let the deep engulf me nor death close its mouth on me.

Courtesy: DivineOffice.org

This psalm speaks to those of us who have been there, at our bottom, with nowhere to turn, except to cry out in some manner to God. Whether it was an actual cry out to God the “save me, please!” or just our emotional state screaming into the void where only God can hear.

Reflect on this psalm; recall where you were when you prayed this (however you did it.) Have you been grateful to God for pulling you out of the mud? Today is Friday, Confession is likely to be available sometime this weekend; perhaps you can do an examination of conscience focusing on ingratitude and add those sins to your list of things to confess?

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lourdes, the Immaculate Conception, the Militia of the Immaculata and Sobriety

Reblogged from several years ago and edited slightly:

This is a story about a Marian feast day, its significance; a saint and what he did with it; and what all this meant for yours truly.

Today is February 11th, day when  Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette Soubirous in a grotto near Lourdes, France in 1858.

The apparition was significant in several respects: the most important was that Our Lady identified herself with the words, “I am the Immaculate Conception.” Not that she was “immaculately conceived,” but rather she was the essence of the immaculate conception. As St. Maximilian Kolbe later pointed out (this is a paraphrase) “To be white is one thing, to be whiteness is another.”

For another, it seemed as if Heaven was endorsing the definition of the Dogma of Mary’s Immaculate Conception in 1854 by Pope Pius IX in Ineffabilis Deus:

“We declare, pronounce and define that the doctrine which asserts that the Blessed Virgin Mary, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God, and in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, Saviour of the human race, was preserved free from every stain of original sin is a doctrine revealed by God and, for this reason, must be firmly and constantly believed by all the faithful.”

And one more: that Mary’s self-identification as the Immaculate Conception was utterly fascinating and mysterious to St. Maximilian Kolbe, who meditated and pondered on it his entire life. It inspired his “Militia of the Immaculata” and associated media enterprises and friaries.

I discovered St. Maximilian Kolbe and the Militia of the Immaculata in 2002, after I had sobered up sufficiently to search online for what the Catholic Church has to offer me in recovery. As I had stated in my Reversion story, “I had been going to AA meetings, but I knew early on that the brand of spirituality offered there was not going to do the job.” And so I explored the religion of my childhood and never looked back. That St. Max was a patron of addicts helped. When I learned that, I explored more about him.

So I found out about St. Max and the M.I. The M.I. calls for consecrating oneself to the Blessed Mother as her “possession and property” so she can “make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases” her. That she will use me as “a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing your  (note: God’s) glory to the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.” I figured if that’s true (and I never doubted the Blessed Mother) then this may help in my recovery. I doubt that remaining a drunk would be of use to her. This blog post Marian Consecration and the Guarantee of Eternal life expands on how Marian Consecration can help your sobriety. In short, when you become Mary’s possession, she guides you along the path to Jesus. Consecration can heal you, not in any miraculous way (but that could happen!) but it can help you focus and give a new dimension to your prayer and devotional life. I firmly believe that if you consecrate yourself to Mary, the probability of relapse should vanish (your willing cooperation with the graces received through Mary’s interession is assumed.)

And so on October 7, 2002, on the Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary, I gave myself to Mother Mary. I joined the M.I. which “is a universal and international public Association of the faithful, erected by the Holy See. The MI was founded by St. Maximilian Kolbe, OFMConv., in 1917, is open to Catholics, of all walks of life, and encourages all people of good will to develop a trusting relationship with Our Lady. The aim of the MI is to win the whole world for Christ through the Immaculata, Mother of God and of the Church.

“The MI is a global vision of Catholic life under a new form, consisting in the bond with the Immaculata, our universal Mediatrix before Jesus.” -St. Maximilian Kolbe.

The MI offers programs that: -Provide formation in the teachings of the Catholic Church
-Foster love for Jesus in the Eucharist and for the Sacramental life
-Promote a deep understanding of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s role in the plan of Salvation and of the gift of consecration to her in the spirit of St. Maximilian Kolbe.
-Ignite with the zeal to become generous instruments of evangelization in one’s own environment, giving witness to the Truth and promoting the sacredness of human life.
M.I. members, mindful of their call to evangelize, strive to give witness to the Faith everywhere. They seek to reach out to their own families, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, the sick and elderly, youth, adults, and whomever they meet, in order to lead every individual with Mary to Christ, Our Savior and Our Hope.

(Above quote courtesy of M.I. You can also visit that link to learn more about the MI and St. Maximilian Kolbe, along with possibly joining yourself!)

I think Mary started using me right afterwards. She strengthened me against what I perceived as attacks against my Faith in my AA Home Group as well as giving me the courage to stop attending meetings regularly in 2004. Not that I am advocating everyone should stop going to meetings; on the contrary, if you enjoy and need regular meeting attendance, by all means do it. It just wasn’t for me.

Once I drifted from AA, I began looking into what recovery resources the Church offers. You can read about that here: “About this blog.” After a whle I just decided to start Sober Catholic; I mentioned in some earlier post that I believe the Blessed Virgin Mary “inspired” me to do it. A “fruit,” if you will, of of my M.I. Consecration. Not that I received any interior locution or some such thing, just a desire that since no one else was doing this at the time, I might as well. I doubt I’d have the courage on my own.

So here’s the story: A apparition of the Blessed Mother; a saint’s taking that apparition and message and developing it; and a marginal ex-drunk finding a personal mission in it – Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny and taking whoever bothers to read this stuff along with him.

So that’s that! The sanctuary or Our Lady of Lourdes in France is famous for miraculous healings wrought there. Over 7,000 miralulous healinga have been reported since 1858; only 72 (so far) have been confirmed by the Church to me truly miraculous.) Because of that, Pope St. John Paul II also declared today to be the “World Day of the Sick” in 1993. We alcoholics, even though we may be sober, are still “sick.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

BOOK REVIEW: “Encouraging Words to Live By: 365 Days of Hope for the Anxious and Overwhelmed” by Anne Costa

“Encouraging Words to Live By: 365 Days of Hope for the Anxious and Overwhelmed” by Anne Costa was published through The Word Among Us Press in 2019, and I wish I had it back then as it would have helped me better deal with anxiety and recurring feelings of being overwhelmed.

The book is aptly named.

What is it about? 

From the site blurb:

Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or sad? Here is a collection of daily reflections that will lift your spirits and give you a sense of direction with reminders of God’s great love and acceptance. Drawing from Scripture, the wisdom of the saints, and pastoral expertise, Anne Costa has written a spiritual resource that will enable you to look upon each day with hope.

This book will help you (or a loved one) when overwhelmed by life or struggling with anxiety or depression to renew your connection with God and others.

Encouraging Words to Live By.

I began reading it this year (2026.) With the world and nation going increasingly insane and daily living threatened by the actions of stupid political leaders in ways previously unheard of (due to things being amplified by social media and 24/7 news channels) this book will provide a sane and soothing respite for the few minutes every day that you take to read and ponder the wisdom of Anne as well as from those sources she’s culled it from. You might even be inspired to grab your Bible afterwards and look up the Scripture passage.

My favorite day so far (and NOT the only one in my two weeks of reading) is the entry for January 5th. 

Excerpt: 

…How we talk to ourselves—the messages we send—can either feed or starve our souls. We shouldn’t let our inner chatter drown out the voice of God, who is love….

…Let the condemning thoughts die down like a distant echo and allow the whisper of the One who loves you fill your listening heart….

I think I need to place that page on my printer, make a copy, and tack it onto the wall next to me. I have mentioned at least once before about “inner voices” running me down. They typically sound like the voices of family members who had driven me to consider self-harm, but often it’s a generic voice not associated with any particular person. But it’s always a running critical commentary, but sometimes petty and ridiculous; like the source of the voice can’t come up with anything big so it resorts to something stupid. 

Each page has a quote from Scripture, followed by Anne’s “Encouraging Words,” basically a short inspirational passage she wrote, based on the Scripture passage and often tied to the liturgical feast of that day. The day’s reading concludes with a nice, short prayer. 

After I finish writing and publishing this review, I’m going to go back through the entries for January 1 through 16 and highlight certain passages, maybe scribble a note or underline with a pen.  I rarely do that, but when I do, it “annoints” the book with a sort of personal blessing. “This book is essential to my well-being” and “It’s important in helping me cope.” I’ll be keeping the highlighter and pen next to it. Within a few years the book will show evidence of heavy-duty highlighting, underlining, and annotating. There’s no entry for February 29: on that day I’ll just flip through and reread other days.

Where to get it:

The book’s page on Anne’s website: Encouraging Words to Live By on REVIVE Hope and Healing Ministries 

Through Amazon

Barnes and Noble (and check out the Nook sample!)

Or visit your nearby local bookshop (especially if you have a Catholic bookshop around!) and politely request that they carry it. Buy two, one for yourself and for someone you know.

Anne’s website is REVIVE Hope and Healing Ministries. They have a Prayer Community on Facebook. Check out her podcasts (DISCLAIMER: she interviewed me last year.  That DID NOT influence my review. If I didn’t like the book, I wouldn’t have reviewed it.) A full list of where you can listen is on Podbean

I hope you enjoy reading it! If you do, spread the word! People need this book!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Prayer request for a homeless addict and thoughts on unworthiness

I received an email a few days ago (only saw it today as it was in my Junk folder☹️) from Richard S., a homeless addict in the United Kingdom. I won’t post his entire email here out of respect for privacy (even though it lacks personal identifying info.)

Some points, however:

I’m a Catholic and I’m an addict in England, UK. I’m struggling like hell.  I recently was given a copy of your book “The Sober Catholic Way” and it’s truly helping me. 

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If you only knew how it feels to discover your writing has made an impact!

 I feel as if I’ve let my Blessed Mother, Mary down and I’m not worthy.  Let alone our Lord Jesus. Anyway, many blessings and love to you and your family.

This part touched me. Who among us hasn’t felt this way? I replied:

About you letting Mama Mary and Jesus down: they perfectly understand. Mary’s love and Jesus’ mercy is greater than our deepest faults and flaws and our inability to overcome them. This is something everyone forgets from time to time, including me. Mary is a good Mother and will help lead you closer to Jesus. 

And so I am asking you for prayers for Richard S. (If you’re in the UK and know of resources for homeless addicts; and Richard does have access to medical personnel, he probably knows what’s available, but just in case something is overlooked, please email me at paulcoholic at gmail dot com .)

Richard is also a member of the Militia of the Immaculata. It’s UK Center is: Militia of the Immaculata in Great Britain and Ireland.

Here’s how to order it: The Sober Catholic Way.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The “Following Padre Pio” YouTube Channel

One of my favorite YouTube Channels is Following Padre Pio. It is a source of comfort and reassurance. 

From the channel’s description:

Do you long for a deeper connection with your faith? Padre Pio’s powerful legacy can transform your life in ways you never thought possible.

At Following Padre Pio, we bring you inspiring, personal stories of his miracles and his deep love for Christ and Mary Most Holy. Padre Pio’s prayers have led to miraculous healings and conversions—both physically and spiritually. Whether you’re searching for healing, clarity, or a renewed relationship with God, Padre Pio’s influence can guide you.

You’re not just watching videos—you’re becoming part of a growing community of believers who are witnessing the extraordinary power of faith. 

They also have a primary website, which has tgis to say about their YouTube:

At “Following Padre Pio” we want everyone to Know More about Padre Pio!

We present short, regular videos on the life of Padre Pio to encourage people in their Faith, and to trust and love Our Lord Jesus Christ and Mary Most Holy.

His miracles were incredible! Countless people were healed from serious illnesses through his healing prayer for the sick.

“Faith and Spirituality” “Community and Solidarity”

As you scroll through the videos, you will realize the depth of St. Padre Pio’s love for the Blessed Mother and her Rosary, including its power to transform lives. You’ll get great practical advice on living, including addiction and alcoholism recovery! Yes, a devotion to St. Padre Pio could help you become free of the drink and the drug. Here’s a few samples:

Miracles of Healing: Addiction Conquered with Padre Pio’s Intercession

Padre Pio In The Lives Of Our Viewers. “I struggle every day, but my Padre Pio doesn’t forget me.”

Padre Pio: “Every day it saves the world from damnation” What is he referring to?

There are other videos for those of us who are struggling with “stuff.” Take a look at:

Padre Pio’s Harsh Guidance: The Pain That Leads to Miracles

In the Darkness of Doubt: Padre Pio Bringing Souls Back to Faith

When Prayers Go Unanswered: Padre Pio’s Powerful Insight

Never Alone: Padre Pio’s Deep Reliance on Mary’s Help

Padre Pio’s Faith in Saint Joseph During Difficult Times

Seeking Comfort? Padre Pio Is Here To Help!

Those are just a sample of videos on how St. Padre Pio can help you “get through trials.”

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Exploring hurt people hurting other people

This is a followup to Hurt People Hurt People. It was originally published on Paul Sofranko Space, but I edited it for Sober Catholic. It describes how a person might become an ‘antagonist,’ but for a fictional setting; this may be added to the backstory of a character in a novel I’m working on. I firmly believe that writing has tremendous therapeutic value, and writing fiction is a way to deal with trauma. This post explores how a “bad person,” maybe a “hurt person who hurts others” got that way in the first place. While it is easy to create bad people who are just evil, it is more realistic to show how root causes have driven them to be who they are; all of which could have been avoided. Perhaps they can be redeemed.

This is drawn from personal traumas I referred to the the “Hurt people…” post (the 1995 incident referred to but I didn’t reveal; and the 2005 death of my Mom and the aftermath,) although some elements in it are speculative or conjectural.

There are two people, Person A (“PA”) and Person B (“PB”). PA also has accomplices or people sympathetic, but PA is the ringleader; possibly through fear and intimidation. PB is mostly alone.

PA and accomplices had screwed over PB to the point of driving him to consider suicide. PB is figuratively broken, bruised, bloodied and wounded and is cast aside. He is left to wondering “Why?”

This had poured salt into a wound created years before when PA grievously harmed PB with unjust accusations. PB had been wondering “Why?” about that ever since; this new event just made things worse, hence the consideration of suicide. PB’s discovery through one of PA’s accomplices that PA doesn’t even remember this older event just adds salt to the wound.

The “Whys?” were never addressed. PB never gets answers. PA, et al., have moved on from the event and put it behind them; after all, they were the antagonists and know the “Whys?” (if there were actually any) and have dealt with whatever they need to. Not so with PB. For him, hurt and pain continue and becomes an integral part of his existence. Without understanding the “Whys?” PB never fully recovers and is changed for the worse.

PB struggles with things and tries to relate best to the reality about him but feels alone as no one really stood up and defended him during the events; and afterward others are uncomfortable or indifferent; as such he trusts others little and presumes bad motives. He tried to defend himself during the horrors, but was out gunned and outnumbered. PB also had a weak and vulnerable base from which to defend himself, being faced with certain survival issues at the same time.

His obsession with PA and the others (his frequent dwelling on the “Whys?” and such,) and wishing it never happened or fantasizing about vengeance or at least something happening to bring about justice, and knowing that it will probably never come to pass has lead PB to become something of an antagonist himself; while wanting to be “good,” he feels he cannot risk that and needs to put himself and his feelings first.

Meanwhile, PA and the others are to all appearances “good people,” and if they bother to discuss the events at all, it is to the disparagement of PB. As PB isn’t around to defend himself and no one else is willing to defend him, his reputation suffers. Only one side of the story gets told.

So, a combination of time leading PB to become “bad” in the eyes of PA and accomplices, and PA, et al., becoming “good” has only worsened things for PB. PB was the victim; he never deserved the treatment. But due to powerlessness and no healing because PB never learned “Why?” has stunted PB and left him emotionally back where everything took place. And thus PB is ‘bad,’ not ‘evil’ but due to the woundedness and lack of answers leading to justice and healing, PB’s actions are difficult.

PB is not a “whiner,” nor one who touts “victimhood.” He had difficulty in “getting over it” but is one who is truly wounded and has never gotten the needed healing or justice.

The only thing that can heal PB is justice and knowledge. He has to know why the treatment was meted out almost to the point of driving him to suicide. PA and accomplices have to make amends, both psychological and emotional. Material amends would be a bonus, but PB knows that will never happen. (PB perhaps suffered some material loss in income over his inability to manage and cope for a while.) At any rate, PA and the others have to make certain sacrifices to undo the harm they caused.

So, that’s it. A person is a victim of unjust action which were never redressed. The hurt party is still wounded despite time and some attempts at healing, but lingering issues prevent full healing. Hence, the pain has transformed him into an ‘antagonist.’ (This is where this fictional exercise departs from any “autobiographical” account. In fiction, we can safely explore the “What ifs.”) PB is wounded and that woundedness causes him to wound others. The degree to which he becomes an antagonist varies: there is him merely being a jerk, all the way to him becoming single-mindedly focused on achieving world domination and bending people to his will, severely punishing others in the process. He says “Mwuahahahahahahahaha!” a lot.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)