Category Archives: Suicide

Young man, I tell you, arise

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The Gospel Reading for today’s Mass (Wednesday of the 24th Week in Ordinary Time) has been special for me these past few years.

Luke 7:11-17: “Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him.

As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow.

A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her,‘Do not weep.’

He stepped forward and touched the coffin; at this the bearers halted, and he said, ‘Young man, I tell you, arise!’

The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.

Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, exclaiming, ‘A great prophet has arisen in our midst,’ and ‘God has visited his people.’

This report about him spread through the whole of Judea and in all the surrounding region. “

(Via USCCB.)

I was not the only son of my mother, but I was her youngest and I had lived with her for her last 10 years on Earth. For her last 18 months I was her caregiver of sorts.

I discovered sobriety just in time to be useful to her in her final years. The thought of my still being addicted to the bottle at any time during her last couple of years scares me to this day, I am very grateful to God that He pulled me away from the bottle in plenty of time for Mom to see me sober and responsible enough to care for her. This is why I have a special connection to this Gospel passage. I was dead, but with God’s graces through AA and then the Catholic Church I arose from the death of alcoholism and I became sober and a strong Catholic.

Today I was reflecting on her death and the hellish period that followed for me. I remember walking around the streets of my hometown on the day she died muttering and mumbling to myself about how alone I was. This was in between tears. I was convinced that I was alone and that I would forever be alone. I do not believe that I had ever felt this way, this mind-numbing, marrow-curdling feelings of aloneness and abandonment.

I wanted to die. I wasn’t suicidal, but I had prayed to God that He would take me as I was convinced that my mission on Earth was over. I was born late in Mom’s life (just after her 47th birthday) and things seemed geared for me to be useful to Mom at various points in her life, especially after Dad died in 1995 and as I stated above, just before her own death in 2005. I hadn’t amounted to much of anything through 2005, at least by most people’s standards.

I am glad that God didn’t agree with me. I am glad because I have discovered relative security and deep love in my life. My faith in God’s Divine Providence and reliance on His Catholic Church pulled me through and gave me a new meaning in a life that I wouldn’t have scripted, but am happy with nonetheless. I am still puzzled by many things, but life isn’t really a problem to be solved, but a mystery to unravel.

I had arisen, like the young man of Nain.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

An effective prayer against the usual mental maladies that plague us

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There is a prayer at the end of the Divine Mercy Chaplet that I say quite often when I am experiencing fear, anxiety, stress, resentment (and so on):

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your Mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is love and Mercy itself.

It is from paragraph 950 in the diary of St. Faustina, entitled Divine Mercy in My Soul (advance notice, music will play after site loads, so quiet your speakers if you’re in a public place).

It has been a very effective prayer when I experience doubts and any of the above named mental issues.

NOTE: The online Diary does not number the paragraphs, but you can click on the link for Notebook 2, page 2, and scroll towards the end. Or go to any Catholic bookstore or the online Divine Mercy shrine gift shop and purchase a copy (I get no commission, despite the plug. I just enjoy using my new blog editor, Mars Edit. It makes writing for blogs easy, especially for inserting links 🙂 Just wait until I figure out all the media uploading tools!)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The many ways of God's healing gifts

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The following is a link to an article on being open to the varied and diverse ways that God can heal you. Please read and consider how or if it can be relevant to your life.

Spirit Daily – Daily spiritual news from around the world: “GOD IS A GOD OF SURPRISE AND HAS SUCH IN STORE FOR YOU IF YOU HEAL INSIDE AND LOVE”

(Via Spirit Daily.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics: Day 3

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Today we pray the third day of our Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics. Like yesterday we begin with:

PRAYER FOR THE ADDICTED

God of mercy, we bless You in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who come to Him. Give Your strength to N., Your servant, bound by the chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children. Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Yesterday I wrote about that the person you are praying for may be at the “jumping off place”, that point where the person decides between continuing to drink and die, or not drinking and maybe live.

As I write this post, it is a Sunday, the day dedicated to worshipping God. Perhaps the struggling alcoholic feels abandoned by God and completely alone. Nothing much can feel worse. If God has abandoned you, why would anyone else bother with you? Or maybe if God doesn’t exist, and then how would life have any meaning? A life without meaning is a life not worth living.

At this point you pray harder for the individual. You also might want to reach out and touch the person. One little kindness, one small act of interest can have a major impact and go a long way towards enabling the person to reconnect with God and other people. It may make the difference in the decision he or she makes while in their “jumping off place”.

We conclude the daily novena with:

Official Prayer for the Canonization of Blessed Matt Talbot

“Lord, in your servant, Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament. May his life of prayer and penance give us courage to take up our crosses and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Father, if it be your will that your beloved servant should be glorified by your Church, make known by your heavenly favours the power he enjoys in your sight. We ask this through the same Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.”

The source of these prayers is Circle of Prayer – Matt Talbot Intercedes for Alcoholics .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics: Day 2

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Today we pray the second day of our Novena to Matt Talbot for Alcoholics. Like yesterday we begin with:

PRAYER FOR THE ADDICTED

God of mercy, we bless You in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who come to Him. Give Your strength to N., Your servant, bound by the chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children. Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The person that you are praying for may have reached the “jumping off place”, that is, that moment when they hit their bottom and decide whether to live or to die.

Think about the intersection point they have arrived at. Two roads lead ahead, one is the path towards death in which they know that if they continue to drink they will die. The other is the path towards life in which they think that if they stop drinking, they only wish they were dead. Life appears too difficult to cope with without alcohol and wishing for death is an attractive escape. But there is that glimmer of hope, the hope that there is a answer or solution to the despair.

Who knows what intervenes in that point. Why some people choose the path to life as opposed to death. Some grace of God filters through the despair and leads them out, and for others this grace is absent or ignored. The despair is too great.

Pray for all those at this “jumping off place”. Pray that they somehow respond to the grace of God and live.

And pray also for those who chose death. By the workings of God’s grace and mercy they may be saved, and it is never too late to pray for them. No one knows what happens at the moment of death.

Be grateful that God’s mercy is greater than ours.

We conclude the daily novena with:

Official Prayer for the Canonization of Blessed Matt Talbot

“Lord, in your servant, Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament. May his life of prayer and penance give us courage to take up our crosses and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Father, if it be your will that your beloved servant should be glorified by your Church, make known by your heavenly favours the power he enjoys in your sight. We ask this through the same Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.”

The source of these prayers is Circle of Prayer – Matt Talbot Intercedes for Alcoholics .

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

I lay bare my distress

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A reading from tonight’s Evening Prayer reminded me of God’s availability during times of suffering:

Psalm 142: 2-4;

With full voice I cry to the LORD; with full voice I beseech the LORD.
Before God I pour out my complaint, lay bare my distress.
My spirit is faint within me, but you know my path.

No matter the trouble you are having, God is always near to hear your plaintive scream for help. No matter the seeming insignificance or overwhelming deluge of the problem, unload and vent to God, “lay bare” your “distress” . You may feel weak and strung out, but God knows the path that you’re on and how your current troubles will ultimately lead to your salvation. For that is essentially the meaning of all suffering, as Jesus suffered for our sins, we must accept any that comes our way. Not in any masochistic need, just a humble awareness that as Christians we too must take up our cross and follow Jesus.

Suffering is also an effect of the Original Sin that Jesus died for. So to reject suffering is to reject the true nature of the world and to ultimately resent God if you cannot reconcile the world today with the essential existence of suffering. This may be rather difficult to contemplate and accept while going through trials, so all the more reason to turn immediately to God and with your “full voice”, “cry out” and “beseech the Lord”. Pray. Pray hard.

The Lord knows your path. He knows what special mission you are on, the unique and special purpose that He called you into being for. He will see you through your troubles.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Help for those who are tested

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From the Second Reading from today’s morning Mass, the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord:

Hebrews 2:14-18;

Since the children share in blood and flesh, Jesus likewise shared in them, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the Devil, and free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life. Surely he did not help angels but rather the descendants of Abraham; therefore, he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every way, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest before God to expiate the sins of the people. Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

I’ll repeat the last line: Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

Every one of us faces tests on a daily basis. Some of us more than others. For anyone suffering from an addiction, either still enslaved by it or recovering from it, the tests can be brutal. All sorts of things attack us daily and the answer is sometimes presented as: “Just one wouldn’t hurt. What harm can just one do?”

Plenty, as we all know.

Because Jesus Himself was tested, He can assist us, we can call upon Him to increase our strength, (or increase His strength within us). He was tested for 40 days in the desert by Satan, He was tested for 3 excruciating, agonizing hours on the Cross, we can place our sufferings and temptations in light of His. We can get strength from Him.

It’s an emotional exercise, more than anything else, but then again when we are suffering through trials and temptations, our emotions are engaged and our higher rational thinking is absent.

Look upon the Cross.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena Through St. Maximilian Kolbe – Day 3

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On this, the third day of our novena to St. Maximilian Kolbe, please again, go here and say the prayer, thinking of someone you love and know who’s is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The consider the following:

The person that you are praying for is probably seeking a short term solution to a long term problem. In a way, this can be a form of suicide, which is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Either way, the person is taking a huge gamble with their immortal soul.

The Church regards addiction to be a mitigating factor if the addictive behavior would otherwise normally be a mortal sin. According to the Catechism, paragraph 1857:

For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: “Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.”

Addiction would eliminate the “deliberate consent” condition, and possibly the full knowledge of its mortal nature.

The gamble I was referring to is the possibility of the fine line being crossed if relapse occurs. While the argument can be made that the addictive personality of the individual may always be in place and therefore would always mitigate the mortal nature of the sin, I dislike the potentially cavalier reliance on “mitigation” as it may be a dangerous assumption. If one has relapsed, the possibility remains that the person may satisfy all three conditions of a mortal sin. And that is the reason for this post, while the mitigating factor may always be in place, the danger to their immortal soul is too great to completely discount the possibility of a mortal sin being committed.

The act of alcohol or drug abuse is always a grave matter. But the other two conditions which may not be met due to the addiction, may be met because of the new knowledge the person has about him/herself and the substance abuse. They may have full knowledge of the act’s mortal nature due to their recovery program and Catholic spirituality, and their consent may be a willing consent. It may be a deliberate act, not linked to the corruption of the will by addiction.

The argument can go back and forth, all hinging around whether the person’s consent was freely given and whether they fully understood the act’s mortal nature. A problem lies with whether or not the individual recognizes the distinction between mortal and venial sins, or even recognizes the existence of the two kinds. Sin is either deadly (mortal) or not deadly (venial).

From the First Letter of St. John,

1 John 5:16-17

If anyone sees his brother sinning, if the sin is not deadly, he should pray to God and he will give him life. This is only for those whose sin is not deadly. There is such a thing as deadly sin, about which I do not say that you should pray.
All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that is not deadly.

One could argue that why bother being Catholic and developing a strong Catholic spirituality? Ignorance will prevent one from committing mortal sins. Well, the answer is easy. With Catholic Christianity you have the only sure road map, drawn by God Himself, to achieve eternal salvation. And with the sacraments, you have the best way to cleanse yourself of all sin, mortal or venial.

Addictive behavior is still sinful, albeit venial. While there is no mathematical formula that states that a certain number of venial sins equates with one mortal sin, the accumulation of venial sins will still distance yourself from God and His graces.

There is an additional component to the gamble one plays. The short term relief and pleasure achieved by the addictive act, if mortal, trades away the possibility of eternal life with God and loved ones in Heaven. A soul with one or more mortal sins condemns itself to Hell. The few seconds, hours or days of pleasure and relief costs the soul an eternity in paradise.

A stupid gamble.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

More than you can handle

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Does God give you more than you can handle? Does it seem like you are burdened with “life” to the breaking point? Does God permit this to happen, that the trials and tribulations of daily living may seem beyond your ability to cope?

No.

While God permits evil to occur (so that good can be drawn out of it), He never allows us to become overburdened by troubles. He always gives us the graces needed to overcome whatever is befalling us. Whether or not we choose to accept and cooperate with that grace determines how well, or if, we survive. We still have free will and can reject God’s help.

From St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians:

1 Cor 10:13

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.

It is my understanding that the above passage refers mainly to temptations, but I also feel that it refers to any trial.

To think that God intentionally loads up pain and suffering upon an individual implies a God with a serious personality disorder. It does not speak of a God who is kind and loving, a Father.

Moreover, no one is promised a life free of suffering. Even Paris Hilton went to jail. (!) The degree to which we accept suffering in our lives as a necessary component of our salvation is the degree to which we will be able to cope with whatever sorrow and sadness comes our way.

Sometimes it seems overwhelming. Sometimes it seems that God has abandoned us. I feel that way more often than not. But after a fashion I come around and realize that as a Christian I have no right to bemoan and bewail suffering. “Why me?” becomes “Why not me? Who am I that I can be above what Jesus Himself felt? Rejection, betrayal, aloneness, pain and agony?”

It is during these times that we gaze upon the crucifix, at the broken and bleeding body of Christ on the Cross and gain strength. It is not an easy task to meditate on, but the exercise is usually fruitful. Meaning, we gain from the attempt. Especially if we see our own suffering in perspective.

Burdens can be strengthening. If we survive this, we can beat the next thing more easily. We learn to rely upon a trust in God more. Therefore, we become closer to God. Through our pain and suffering we realize that we are being treated the way His own Son was treated. We may not be crucified in the sense of an Imperial Roman capital punishment, but we are crucified in other, smaller ways. But still painful, especially when we feel so alone.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Why did God make you?

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And the answer to that question from the first volume of the old “Baltimore Catechism” (the 4 volumes of which educated millions of American Catholics until the 1960’s) is:

“God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in the next.”

God made you because He loves you and wants you to return that love now and forever. Period. That’s it. That is why God made you. He didn’t make you to be rich, to be knowledgeable in the “ways of the world”, or to be materially successful. Some of those things are good, depending on how they are used. But those aren’t contained in the question nor it’s answer.

The question and answer is rooted in Sacred Scripture, if you read Genesis 1 and 2 and understand what happened in Genesis 3. God made us in perfect union with Him, and loved us so much that He gave us Free Will so that we can freely return that love. Under the deception of Satan, we decided that we can find fulfillment outside of that love and that we can be “just like God” in determining what is good and evil. This ruptured our relationship with Him, and the World and it’s ways largely became our focus. We are not God, and our stewardship of this planet proves that. Only Jesus Christ repaired our relationship with Him, but the effects of Satan’s deception still afflicts our planet.

Now, back to the question and its answer. Our sole reason for being is to know, love and serve God here and now, and then to be happy with Him forever in Heaven. The pursuit of worldly glory and material power and advantage are contrary to this reason. Even, in my opinion, the need for satisfaction on a more ordinary and mundane level.

Think about that question and its answer next time you feel unloved, unwanted, unneeded, irrelevant. The next time you feel like a loser or a failure, or because you are an alcoholic or drug or porn addict and that you are unworthy of God’s love, or anyone else’s, consider that question and answer.

I quite often feel as if I am a failure, a loser and a screw-up. That is because of my alcoholism and its derailment of my life and career and the financial cost, and the stigma associated with it. If I never picked up that first drink, I would be a few tens of thousands of dollars richer (cost of booze, lost income, hospitalization, etc.) and probably a homeowner (of my late parent’s house, or maybe some other purchased by myself and whomever I might have married had I not preferred vodka, tequila and rum to blondes, brunettes and redheads).

But I cannot dwell on that. That is the world talking. Focusing on the question and its answer takes me away from those feelings and helps me get more oriented on my value merely as a child of God. That as long as I “know Him”, meaning I pray to Him, meditate on Him and read His Bible; “love Him”, meaning I keep His Commandments and follow His Church; “serve Him”, meaning that I do His will in all things (put God first, other people second, and myself last), I will stand a good chance at “being with Him forever in the next.”

All the struggles and failures in this life will have some enduring meaning as they form the person I am now, but if I nail them to the Cross of Christ they will be transformed from the miserable things the world says they are into something else.

We don’t know why any one of us is an alcoholic or an addict. There are theories as to genetics, upbringing, psychological disorders and such, but that is irrelevant. We are what we are and God permitted it for a reason. Evil is permitted because of free will, but God’s influence in the world draws good out of evil. Evil may be in the happening, the event or the occurrence, but good lies in the response.

We can be defeated by whatever it was that happened, we can be defeated by how we are made, but we can rise above it and make the most out of it. I started this blog because of my alcoholism and as an attempt to help others who are Catholic (or seeking Catholicism) deal with their alcoholism in accord with the Faith. I hope to do more than just this.

Regardless of how miserable you think you are, the basis of that misery is temporary. It is not what you are. It will not endure, unless you allow it. It is not insurmountable. Some people resort to suicide because they think it is the way out. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Trust that the seeds of your own “resurrection” lie in the dying and death of your addicted life. The old life dies and a new one is born. We alcoholics and addicts are lucky in a way: we have two lives contained in one lifetime. It is our responsibility to makes certain that the first lifetime bears some meaning in the new.

The entire Baltimore Catechism is available from Gutenberg. Go to here and the Catholic Digital Studio will take you there. At CDS see under “Catechesis: Learning the Catholic Faith”, under “Basic Catechesis” you’ll find Volumes 1 & 2, under “Intermediate Catechesis” you’ll find Volumes 3 & 4.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)