An Almost Anniversary: February 3, 2002, Part 1

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Ten years ago today would have been the 10th anniversary of my sobriety date. I relapsed 3 1/2 months later, in May 2002. Why I did that is a matter of pointless pondering and contemplation. After only a few months of sobriety, the why’s are useless. One doesn’t have enough of sobriety, the tools haven’t settled in. I know some old-timers in AA who disregard relapse stories if the sufferer had less than 5 years of sobriety. To me, the cutoff is 1 year. Perhaps 2.

Anyway, I kind of dimly remember the events of February 3, 2002. Most of it is fuzzy. As a consequence of that this post may not sound all that sensible. I don’t much care as I was thinking yesterday that since this is the year of 10th anniversaries for me and my recovery and reversion to the Church, I think I’ll start documenting all that. Memory is strange and I’ll remember what I can. So, SoberCatholic.com may start to resemble one of those “personal blogs” of recovery so popular in the recovery community. It hasn’t, after all, been too terribly successful in generating a groundswell of support in favor of a Catholic-based recovery community or movement. So it may as well be a personal blog, documenting my recovery and reversion.

I had stopped drinking earlier in the day, and was prone to withdrawal symptoms after just a few hours or so. Based on the calendar I just checked, it was a Sunday, and I might have missed Mass for “not feeling well.”

Throughout the day I became aware of problems with my teeth. They seemed to be loosening. I remember I kept going into the bathroom and checking myself in the mirror. Yes, the teeth seemed to me to be wobbly, and also splitting down the middle. This concerned me and I kept telling my Mom that I think I “need to go to the dentist tomorrow”. For some reason she didn’t seemed all that interested. (Who knows what she must have been thinking, my behavior the previous few weeks was erratic. To say the least.)

So. My teeth seemed to me to be loosening and on the verge of falling out.

And then I got scared…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Lent and a gift opportunity

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Lent will be here in just over one month (Ash Wednesday is February 22nd, I think) and although it is not normally associated as a season of giving gifts, there is a gift that might be of interest to a person in recovery in your life (or yourself).

As many know, I published a little devotional booklet entitled “The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics”, it is available online for a $2.99 download through Smashwords.com.

Here is the direct link:

Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics

Thank you in advance! I appreciate every reader.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Free Workshop on Drug and Alcohol Addictions

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From a Press Release:

A free one-day Drug and Alcohol Addictions Workshop will be held on Thursday, January 19, in Fort Myers, Florida. Sponsored by the National Catholic Council on Addictions (NCCA), the workshop—which will be held in the Citrena Room at the DiamondHead Beach Resort—will run from 9:00 a.m. until 4:30 p.m., with complimentary lunch provided.

The workshop, intended for the Catholic Diocese of Venice and surrounding dioceses, will focus on the medical aspects of addiction, the role of the family, and Catholic devotions as a useful tool in recovery. In addition, attendees will learn how to establish a parish-based substance abuse addiction ministry.

Faculty for this free workshop include Jeff Henrich, LADC, Guest House’s Director of Men’s Services; Ron Keller, Guest House’s Director of Outreach; Terry Sullivan, Outreach Representative; and Erik Vagenius, Director of Substance Abuse Ministry for the Diocese of Palm Beach.

The National Catholic Council on Addictions works to educate members of the Catholic Church about alcoholism and other addiction problems. NCCA provides spirituality support resources including a prayer booklet “Prayer for Addicted Persons and Their Loved Ones”, Serenity Prayer bookmarks and pocket calendars, and other educational and support resources for Catholic parishes.

To register or for more information, contact the NCCA’s Marketing Director, Louise Westcott, at 800-626-6910 Ext. 1200, or email ncca@guesthouse.org.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Just one more

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Today’s meditation in “Walk in Dry Places” by Hazelden mentions the diminishing returns of having “just one more drink.” As if having “one more” could bring the comfort and solace that is missing, it merely hastens our descent into deeper addiction. It is a false promise, an illusory note that we can be satisfied by a physical thing or act for what is essentially a spiritual problem.

As Catholics, we have access to a wealth of spiritual aids that we can dive into, and fill our soul. Mass and the Sacraments, but also devotional practices such as the Rosary. The Rosary, when said slowly and prayerfully, meditation on the Scripture-based Mysteries, can do wonders for filling that “hole in the soul”, which never seems to be satisfied by just another drink.

Reading Sacred Scripture is the ultimate devotional tool at our disposal. Reading the Word of God and dwelling upon the words and meanings is excellent for that satisfying spiritual hunger.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Recovery Daily Meditations

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For 2012 I started re-reading some 12 Step daily devotionals, namely AA’s “Daily Reflections” and Hazelden’s “Walk in Dry Places”. The latter is designed mainly for people with more than a year or two of sobriety. The former is excellent for the newly recovering, or anyone who wants a “refresher.”

Although not a recovery book, per se, I also started again (not sure if I’ll continue) “Daily Affirmations for Forgiving and Moving On.” by Tian Dayton, Ph. D. It is basically about what the title suggests, getting over resentments and hurts. Whether you have hurt others or not is beside the point, chances are that if you are recovering from alcoholism and other addictions, you have been whacked upside the head by other people’s actions towards you. Real or imagined, we all have been deeply hurt by others. It is a good daily read to help get over hurts. It would seem to me that in doing so, one could also address the hurts YOU have caused.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry, Part 2: Alcoholics who still suffer

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I just finished writing about Garry and I mentioned in there about how sobriety and serenity seemed elusive for him.

This does not make him any less valuable of an individual than any other. Yes, he was arrested for DWI, one of the most irresponsible of all crimes. It does not have to happen. You could stay home and safely get trashed if that is as far as you want to go with your drinking. “Lose” your car keys. To drink too much and them get behind the wheel of what essentially becomes a weapon is grossly disgusting and DWI penalties should be severe.

However, people are not disposable things to be tossed aside or thrown out if shown to be apparently useless. Alcoholics, especially those who never quite seem to “get” sobriety should be removed from harming others. Current state laws regarding repeat offenders do not yet address this quickly enough.

I write this just in case anyone who read my post on Garry felt that I was too compassionate with him, given that he was arrested for DWI and could have injured or killed an innocent person.

I am aware that could have happened. And in other times and places and with other people it has.

But, I am writing on my friend Garry, and the reactions I gleaned from the commenters in the online versions of the various news reports I found make me question people’s humanity.

Quite a few people were vicious in their attacks. None of these mentioned the possibility of the death of an innocent bystander as the basis of their acrimony. Just that Garry is a dumb drunk, a redneck wannabe and therefore is a piece of human refuse.

Bear in mind that Jesus Christ ate and preferred the company of sinners. From hookers and tax collectors to associating with lepers and who knows what other types of human “garbage,” He loved them all. He even had nice things to say about Roman soldiers.

He knew that these were people made in God’s image and likeness, and despite the low regard and station of their lives, deserved a basic respect and dignity. He came to heal them, not the righteous.

What can be done about them? Minister to them, heal them. Go out into the wilderness of the streets and alleys where they live and work and try to reach them and heal them. Show them a better way.

For chronic DWI offenders like Garry, perhaps take away their driver’s licenses much sooner and increase the penalties for driving without one. As well as more draconian DWI penalties if caught while driving illegally.

But to casually and maliciously just throw people away and disregard them is unChristian. I perhaps may feel somewhat different if I knew personally someone who was killed by a drunk. I would hope that I would, however, take the final words of the Lord’s Prayer seriously and forgive those who trespass us as we ask for forgiveness for ourselves. There is the occasional story you hear about how the family members of a crime victim do forgive the criminal. That takes a special strength. A strength drawn from a faith that is NOT convenient, but a real one that doesn’t change when things in life get too rough. A faith that is lived.

There are people out there who still suffer from an affliction that is seemingly incurable for them. I could be Garry, but somehow certain things just clicked and I sobered up and remained so for 9 1/2 years.

Some of us are painfully aware that we could have killed someone during our drinking days.

But for the grace of God, go I. And you.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry

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Yesterday a face stared right back out at me from the pages of a newspaper. It was Garry. He had been arrested for DWI after being pulled over when a cop noticed that he didn’t have a seatbelt on. (I forget how many times for DWI this makes for Garry, but it has been quite a few.)

I saw it after goofing off on Facebook. I happened to see something else of interest in my hometown newspaper’s feed, and after posting it, decided to go to the paper’s site and poke around to see what was going on back there. I went to the “Police Blotter” page, which was always amongst the first parts I’d go to after the obituaries just to see if anyone I knew was listed.

I haven’t seen or heard from Garry in perhaps 6-8 years, since I was last active in AA there. I had wondered if he was even alive.

Garry was always kind, compassionate and understanding with me, despite my not being exactly a poster child for recovery in those days. Or maybe because of that. It seems that he was hurting and suffering more than I. Yet despite very different backgrounds we struck up a friendship. He was a high-school only-grad, if that, and a blue-collar working stiff and I was edumacated in colledge. But then again, in the rooms of AA, “We are a people who normally would not mix” -AA Big Book, page 17)

I have always wondered about Garry since I last saw him. I had always been grateful for his friendship back in the day when I lived at home. We never hung out outside of the rooms of AA, but chatted on the phone when needed. He was also a convert to the Catholic Church (mainly because of his wife, who ended up leaving him on Christmas Eve in 2002 or ’03).

Seeing his picture was a shock, although I shouldn’t have been too surprised. He had been in AA before I started attending meetings, and so I looked up to him, even though I later figured that his sobriety was shaky. I think a part of it was the difference in backgrounds and my amazement that the “We are a people who normally would not mix” bit wasn’t just a saying, but a living and working part of the AA way. For some reason I felt that it validated my membership. I don’t know why, as the “only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” I had that, and so was in, but still… He was a scruffy drunk and fit the popular image of alcoholics in AA meetings, and so maybe that was it.

His sobriety, like I said, was never strong. It would last for a few months or so, maybe a year, and then something would happen. He’d hide it well, but his sponsor knew and I learned. This is why that although seeing his picture was a shock (maybe over discovering that Garry is alive), I wasn’t too surprised. He seems to be one of the ones for whom sobriety and serenity is elusive.

This part sounds weird, but I always thought it would be awesome that if we all make it to Heaven, his Heavenly mansion should be next to mine. I don’t know why I’ve had that imagery in my mind from way back then, as I’ve had better friends, but dang it, I want him to be one of the ones to make it (I know, we all want everyone to be saved, but we do know that not everyone does and I really want him to be one of the ones. AND I wanna hang out in Heaven with him for eternity. It’d be an epic blast.)

And so I am praying for him. I started a Novena to St. Maximilian Kolbe for Garry. It will end on January 8th, the Solemnity of the Epiphany of Our Lord. Not a bad day to end a Novena for an alcoholic. If I lived closer, I’d visit him in jail. He would be surprised to see me, and probably surprised a little at my 9 1/2 years of sobriety. Happy though. I cannot afford the travel, gas and even one overnight stay is too costly right now. I may try and send him a letter.

I wonder who else saw the piece in the paper and is reaching out.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Live Temperately, Justly, and Devoutly

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The Second Reading at Solemnity of the Nativity of the Lord (Christmas)
Mass at Midnight has bits of advice for life that has relevance for all, but especially for those of us who love a sober life rooted in Catholic spirituality (I italicized the parts I mean):

Letter to Titus: 2:11-14: “Beloved:
The grace of God has appeared, saving all
and training us to reject godless ways and worldly desires
and to live temperately, justly, and devoutly in this age,
as we await the blessed hope,
the appearance of the glory of our great God
and savior Jesus Christ,
who gave himself for us to deliver us from all lawlessness
and to cleanse for himself a people as his own,
eager to do what is good.
“

(Via USCCB.)

We should all “reject godless ways and worldly desires and to live temperately, justly, and devoutly in this age.” This is essential in order to live a sober and chaste life.

Pray daily, attend Mass Daily (if possible) and go to Confession frequently (at least once or twice a month. To say that you don’t need to go that often means you are deluding yourself.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics – a new ebook by ME!!

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Today I released through Smashwords.com my first book, Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics

To quote from my description, “The ‘Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics’ is a book that is rooted in an ancient Catholic devotion. It is intended to assist Catholics and other Christians find deeper meaning in their struggles with alcoholism, by connecting the oftentimes hard road of sobriety with Jesus’ suffering road to His Crucifixion. The reader sees that their old alcoholic ‘self’ is being led to the Cross and the joy of eventual resurrection of a new sober self can follow. Whether they are still drinking and struggling, or have been sober for many years and still have difficulties coping with sobriety, this book should help readers maintain that sobriety.”

It is available for download and at USD $2.99 and can be read on any ebook reader. It is right now only available through Smashwords.com, but it should be released through Apple, Amazon, Sony and other ebook publishers and distributors perhaps later this week. There will be a followup blog post announcing when that happens.

The meditations are drawn from old posts of mine, but they have been edited for length and quality (I noticed some errors in the originals). These old posts may be deleted this week.

It would make a good Christmas gift for someone you care about!! 🙂

Anyway, thanks, and I hope you all find it useful.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Matt Talbot Way of Recovery

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The launch of the “revived Catholic-based recovery network” is on! I actually started it last night, on the Vigil of the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. It is called the “Matt Talbot Way of Recovery.” Although Matt Talbot is widely associated with recovery from alcoholism, his way to sobriety can be applied to all addictions. His model of sobriety is a good, Catholic-based one that can serve as a framework and guide.

The Group is on Yahoo, I chose that rather than start a standalone website like a discussion forum or social network as it is easier. Past attempts at a Catholic-based recovery network have ended in failure for a number of reasons, this way of an email discussion list is less risky. If it proves to be very popular and successful, then perhaps sometime down the road a discussion forum-type of site can be done. I am not looking that far ahead.

Here is the link to click on to join:

Matt Talbot Way of Recovery

Here is some important information about the Group:

Once you submit a request to join, your request must be approved by a Moderator. So far, I am the only one. Please be patient, I should get back and approve your request within a day.

Afterwards this is the email address to post messages to the Site and Members: MattTalbotWayofRecovery@yahoogroups.com

You can also access messages and post new ones just by going to the Group’s web page at (in case the above link doesn’t work, copy-and-paste this: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/MattTalbotWayofRecovery/

These are the site’s settings(as of now, can be changed later):

Membership requires approval (probably not going to be changed. Need to keep out spammers and bigots)

Messages from new members require approval (I think once your first message or two is approved, you’re then unmoderated)

All members can post messages

Email attachments are distributed, not archived

Members cannot hide email address (therefore it is important that you have an email address that has a good spam filter, or one that is just devoted to online recovery work. This is to preserve anonymity, if that is important to you.

Listed in directory (again, see the email address suggestions in the previous point)

After you’re in, you can the determine how you wish to interact. As stated above, you can either post and reply to to messages either by way of email, or by going to the Groups web address. You can decide which way by the following settings:

MTWofRecoveryMessageDelivery

So, you can receive each email as it comes in, or just a digest of all emails for that day, or for that week. Or, just visit the website. You can visit the website anytime, even if you subscribe to emails. This is useful if you wish to search through the archive of past messages.

As far as I know, that is it! If I have forgotten anything, I’ll add it later. Jump in, join, and let’s have fun! 🙂

Back story: Revived Catholic-based recovery network possibly starting on Monday (Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)