Category Archives: Anxiety

Forgiveness and the Adversary

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The concept of “forgiveness” has been on my mind recently, especially after this post. Obviously it is something that I’ve struggled with. The following comprises a summation of my recent internal debates.

OK, forgiveness… what does that mean? In the context of this blog, it will be in connection with the Catholic Faith. And thus we think of “Confession.” So, what takes place then? We go to Confession to confess our sins to a priest who, acting in the power vested in him by the Church absolves us of our sins. God forgives us and absolves us through the office of the priest.

So, the slate is wiped clean. We had offended God in some manner; we have abused our natural gifts in a way contrary to God’s will and intentions and we caused a disruption in our relationship with Him. A deadly rupture if the sins were mortal, less so if venial. In utilizing the Sacrament of Confession the wounds are healed and we move on in our relationship with God.

How does this apply to relationships with humans? Someone hurts me, I am wounded and the relationship suffers. How much depends on the extent of the offense. If little, it is easy to forgive; if not, forgiveness takes some effort.

Is the slate wiped clean? Perhaps. If the offense is great and the wound is deep, I interpret forgiveness to mean that I put the hurt and pain behind me, it is back there and I no longer dwell on it and nurture a resentment. I no longer ask “Why did it happen?” or seek any answers. If the action is recalled, the pain may return but I can dismiss it (with varying degrees of success dependent upon my state of mind.)

Forgiveness doesn’t imply reconciliation will follow; ideally it should as that would mirror our relationship with God and that is the model we seek in our dealings with others. However, other people are not God and thus reconciliation may not follow. In fact, oftentimes it shouldn’t if the protagonist has not repented and atoned for their offense.

OK. So we have established that forgiveness means the event is “back there,” and not emotionally connected to the present. You do not nurture the hurt by resenting the action. You no longer want to know “Why?” You no longer seek answers. Forgiveness has been made; if possible directly with the individual(s) so the relationship can be patched up or just unilaterally if you cannot deal with the other.

The problem I was having is that I thought that “forgiveness” didn’t “take hold” if the hurt keeps coming back. Perhaps it is natural for memories of the hurt to resurface from time to time. Much depends upon our ability to exercise self-control and discipline over our thought-life, but even then we are only human and if the pain was really deep it may never go away. I am referring to pain that was so intense that you yearned for death to end it and therefore contemplated suicide.

Nevertheless, perhaps the act of forgiveness needs to be done again. In some way, either by prayer and meditation, you contemplate the event and just turn it over to God. Let it become subject to His Justice and Mercy and try to leave it there. Praying to the Blessed Virgin and entrusting the whole matter to her is a part of this; Mary is our tender Mother and understands sorrow all too well.

And then another thought came to me: that recurring memories of a past hurt may just be intrusions of Satan into our inner life. The Adversary is observant; It knows very well what has hurt us. Perhaps It had even been the instrument behind the other peoples’ hurting of us. Satan does not want us to make progress spiritually; It desires our continued dwelling in the World and our adoption of the Worlds’ morals and ethics (which are clearly NOT conducive to getting you to Heaven). And so It oppresses us. Satan knows our weaknesses and propagates them as often as It can. If It is aware that a past hurt can distract us and weaken our path towards God, then who’s to say that Satan isn’t sometimes behind the development of resentments? That obsessing about a past event and having strong feelings about the whole matter isn’t Its way of causing us more harm to our souls? Imagining confrontations with the perpetrators and “getting even” in some way?

Whether it is demonic oppression (as distinct from demonic possession) or something less grave may not matter. It just means that we have more work to do in trusting in God’s Providence and Mercy. By ourselves we can do nothing; as they say in Twelve Step movements, “Let Go and Let God” so that He can establish His peace in our lives.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The wounded prodigal

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Today’s Gospel Reading for the Saturday of the Second Week of Lent is a popular one involving mercy and forgiveness. It is the story of “The Prodigal Son.”

I wrote about it before: Prodigal Alcoholics.

In that post I focused on mercy and forgiveness. There is also another point: the longing to belong and rejoin what you once had, even if in a more humble state. The Prodigal was intent on just being a hired hand for his father; he never expected to be readmitted to the family. Perhaps this is what we all hope for in our recovery: that our families and employers would just “forget” our sins and problems and move forward in life with us, just happy that we’re back and healthy. This does not always happen. Perhaps for some, and even then probably over time. We all mess up and wish for a “do over,” like nothing ever happened. This is not realistic, as our addiction did happen. Since God has this knack for bringing good out of evil, we can use this to our advantage. Use the experience of our addiction and recovery and help others in some way. Perhaps not by starting a blog about recovery process 😉 but at least by using the humbling experience of our own suffering to be understanding of others’ suffering and “screwed-upness.” We who were screwed up can have empathy towards others. We should be better able to connect and understand other people’s brokenness and wounded nature.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Who do you trust?

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In the First Reading from the Mass for Thursday of the Second Week of Lent, (Jeremiah 17:5-10) we learn what happens when we withdraw our trust frpm God and give it to humans:

“Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is a man who trusts in man, and who establishes what is flesh as his right arm, and whose heart withdraws from the Lord.

For he will be like a saltcedar tree in the desert. And he will not perceive it, when what is good has arrived. Instead, he will live in dryness, in a desert, in a land of salt, which is uninhabitable.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, for the Lord will be his confidence.

And he will be like a tree planted beside waters, which sends out its roots to moist soil. And it will not fear when the heat arrives. And its leaves will be green. And in the time of drought, it will not be anxious, nor will it cease at any time to bear fruit.

The heart is depraved above all things, and it is unsearchable, who can know it?

I am the Lord, who examines the heart and tests the temperament, who gives to each one according to his way and according to the fruit of his own decisions.

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

The last line can be either very reassuring or scary, depending on the amount of spiritual progress you’ve made in your relationship with God. Like all relationships, things are less scary (if at all) if you’ve gotten to a level of closeness. You tend to trust those close to you more than those you barely know. (Wow, that’s a great insight. Stick around, I got more!) This reminds of a classic ‘fear’ I read long ago in AA literature about being afraid to follow God’s will; “What if he wants me to be a missionary in Africa?” Well, that wouldn’t be a fear if you have a long-standing relationship with the Lord. You’ve learned how He provides for you and doesn’t give you tasks beyond your abilities.

Lent is the perfect time of year to grow your relationship with Jesus. Study the Passion narratives in the Gospels. Try doing the Stations of the Cross in a parish (or even on your own if possible. That way you can dwell on each station in your own time.) Discover how much Jesus loves you…

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

I sought the Lord and he answered me

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An excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for the Mass for Tuesday of the First Week of Lent:

(Psalm 34:5) I sought the Lord, and he heeded me, and he carried me away from all my tribulations.

Courtesy Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

Seek the Lord and you will find Him. Perhaps not in the manner that you’d expect or the way you hoped. He will respond in the way best suited for your salvation.

This passage from the Psalms carries with it much hope for the alcoholic and addict still suffering, or for anyone having difficulties accepting the Cross of their recovery. (We all may learn we have our own Simon of Cyrene in our lives. We have to hope that we can recognize him or her.)

We have to keep in mind that God’s response to our prayers is in His time and not ours. We may have to endure in our tribulations; but this just means in the end we will emerge stronger and more secure in our partnership with God and our reliance on Divine Providence is bearing fruit.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Michael’s Lent begins today!

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Today, August 15th, the Solemnity of the Assumption of Our Lady, is also the beginning of the Franciscan devotion known as “St. Michael’s Lent.” It is a 40-day period of fasting begun by St. Francis of Assisi in the 1220’s similar to the actual Lenten season. It ends September 29th on the feast of St. Michael. It was during one of these fasts in 1224 that St. Francis received the stigmata.

I looked up this observance online, didn’t find much beyond what I stated above (there was an informative link that I referred a few years ago on Sober Catholic from a Franciscan site that is now a broken link.) But, I assume that you can just observe a fast of sorts (food or bad habit/character defect, etc.) and whatever other penitential practices you can think of.

I do believe that it is significant that this period begins and ends when it does. The Solemnity of the Assumption is observed because as Mary was preserved from Original Sin in her conception, she was bodily assumed into Heaven when her mortal period of time on Earth was over, thus preserving her from the corruption of death. St. Michael was the champion and leader of the blessed angels in their battle against Lucifer and his demons in the Fall of the Angels, and in his victory cast Satan out of Heaven. We can gain strength from theses days in our struggles against drinking and drugging, and especially against sins of impurity. If you are anxious and stressed about things (and what isn’t stressful nowadays?) you can perhaps “fast” from anxiety. Easier said than done. No wonder Satan uses impurity and addictions and fear in his ongoing war against those made in the image and likeness of God.

(Just in case anyone counts the number of days from Aug. 15 to Sept. 29, you’ll get “46.” .Don’t count the six Sundays that occur and you’ll get the forty. Sundays aren’t considered a part of any Lenten observance.)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

All things work for good…

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There is a very reassuring passage from the Second Reading in today’s Mass for the Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time: Romans 8:28 “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

(Courtesy The Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version)

Reassuring inasmuch as it helps us to understand that regardless of what we are going through, there may be value to it. Suffering can be “offered up” in reparation for ours’ and others’ sins… we can use it to grow closer to God as that frequently is the reason for it. Suffering detaches us from the world as we can see that the means by which the world uses to allay suffering can often be destructive. If suffering is material or economic in nature it can encourage us to adapt to a more frugal and simple lifestyle; again, detaching us from the rampant materialism and consumerism that spawns greed and envy. We come to rely on Divine Providence.

At any rate, convinced that “all things work for good” helps us to become aware that eventually “it will get better,” that despite whatever our current situation is if we just keep our “eyes on the prize” we will get through it.

And we “who are called according to his purpose;” what purpose could that be but to hold onto our sobriety and recover the life we are supposed to lead?

So, keep on Trudgin’ the Road of Happy Destiny and know… it does get better. We just have to learn not to look at things the way the world does.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

God’s voice versus Satan’s voice

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I came across one of those “inspiring” images online; I rarely (if ever) have posted them on here, I usually just share them on SoberCatholic’s social media Pages. But this one deserves a share here, as I think it addresses a problem common to all alcoholics and addicts, regardless of how long sober and clean. (I don’t know who the creator is, it didn’t come with any attribution.)

godsvoicevssatansvoice

It appears that “Satan’s voice” is heard quite often by us; frequently when trying to become sober, often still long afterwards.

That voice also isn’t some evil-sounding, malicious growl dripping with hate, either. It can sound like people we know who have been harsh and judgmental with us in the past. Satan knows the pain they’ve caused and just exploits that.

Keep tring to hear that sweet, still, small voice of God.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

A fortnight of years in sobriety

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Today marks my 14th anniversary of my last drunk. I sort of remember it, although for years I couldn’t recall the exact time (as in hour/minute) I took my last drink. I still can’t. I won’t bother with the details of my last drunk as I’ve written about them before.

Question: “How’d I do it?” Answer: “One day at a time!!” Well, there’s more to it than that, but in essence the twelve step practice of taking each day as it comes does help.

Sometimes I have to take each hour as it comes.

Speaking of the Twelve Steps, yes, they are useful. A wonderful lifeline when other things are absent or insufficient. (Absent or insufficient because they have not been developed enough as a response to external factors that may create a desire to drink.)

My Catholic Faith was and is more useful. I do know that if I had to rely solely upon the spirituality of the Twelve Steps and meeting attendance, I’d be one of those poster children for relapses; “those people” you see who enter the program, “get it” for a while, and then go back out.

Once in a while there are stressors. Anxiety, isolation, economic concerns and so forth well up and I think, “Just one drink to take the edge off.” But no, I don’t. I get through it (“One hour at a time, one minute at a time…”) and move on.

At times like those I also grab my AA literature (the Big Book or 12 & 12) and get help that way. Sometimes I feel the need for a meeting, but don’t bother (I seriously am NOT a meeting person. Never was, never will be. Online recovery works for me. I visit In the Rooms a lot.)

Sometimes when I feel that way, that my Faith and other personal means to maintain sobriety aren’t working, and I feel the need to fall back on traditional fixes like “going to a meeting” or “calling a sponsor” then I assess the state of my Faith. Sincerely, the Faith is all one should need.

Jesus came to heal the broken and wounded. The sick. We are all that and so His Church and the sacraments and devotions should work. They have, for me and for others that I’ve run across over the years. But at times they seem to be “not enough.”

But that isn’t an indictment of the Faith, or possibly not even my practice of it. There’s a list of saints very long who have gone through frequent periods of spiritual dryness, times when the Faith “wasn’t there.” They persevered and discerned that it was God’s way of drawing them closer. It is a path of spiritual growth and development (see St. Teresa of Jesus, a/k/a St. Teresa of Avila.) We feel distant and therefore we persevere and strive on, or we abandon the path.

I stay on the path. (This must be why images and symbols of “the path,” “the road,” “the way,” “the journey” resonate with me.)

I have come to feel that in those times when I feel the urge to drink is strong, and I need to respond in a traditional twelve step way, that I need to work on my Faith. I need to make a Spiritual Communion, or meditate on the Holy Spirit and His indwelling in me, or talk to the Blessed Mother. If this sounds selfish to you who are avid and devoted Twelve-Steppers, so be it. For the most part, my experience with AA has been at variance with the common conception of a “fellowship.” It’s just one more organization where I am a misfit, despite trying.

To me, AA and meeting attendance are training wheels or a crib. Eventually you outgrow them. You learn to ride on your own without the help of training wheels, and you move out of the crib. Useful to understand alcoholism and get the basics of Twelve Step spirituality and how to change your way of thinking and responding to situations, but after a fashion, one should learn what the Faith has to offer.

We were created by God. We exist to love Him and serve Him in this life and to be united and happy with Him forever in the next life (Heaven.) To get through this life He has established a Church to guide us.

We are obligated and we owe Him the duty to fully explore that Church and the Faith that springs up around Her. This does not mean leaving AA, if that suits your sobriety and you really enjoy it, then fine. It can be considered a work of mercy. Perhaps even a source for friendships.

But working within a Twelve Step program shouldn’t come at the expense of your Catholic Faith; that is like continuing to eat pureed baby food when the bread of life is readily available.

That’s all I have to say! I’ve just been very reflective on my fourteen years, where I’ve been, am now and where I’m going, along with the means for the way.

Just trudgin’ my road of happy destiny.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Try and make amends before it’s too late

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I blogged earlier about an online friend’s sudden death.

Given the nature of Sober Catholic, I will offer an exhortation to those who have yet to make amends to people they need to (or have to). Do so, for the time will come when they will die and the opportunity will be lost.

I understand perfectly well the resistance to approaching people and trying to make up for the damage done while drinking or drugging. Sometimes it is not possible as trying to will only do more harm than good. Use your conscience or speak with a sponsor or bring it up at a meeting, if needed.

But at least consider the possibility that they person may not be around when you finally decide to repair the relationship.

NOTE: The lady who died wasn’t someone with whom I needed to make an amends. Her death was sudden, and that is what prompted these posts.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Look at the Man!

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Today was the Solemnity of the Triumph (or Exaltation) of the Cross.

The Cross was a symbol of failure. Christ was condemned as a criminal and hung on a tree. One would expect His movement would just die shortly after. Humiliated, degraded, mocked, beaten and scorned, and finally given a grisly, horrific form of capital punishment. “Just go away already, vanish and take your followers with you,” was quite possibly the collective thought of the Jewish leaders and Romans.

But no, He rose from the dead, His movement continued and now numbers over two billion adherents. Some of whom even actually follow His teachings.

As sober Catholics, we should be taking the Cross as a sign of our victory. We died in our addiction, and in recovery (however it was accomplished) rose from the “dead.” We “nail it to the Cross,” with “it” being our fears, anxieties, trial and tribulations. We have a partner in Jesus Christ. He is our “Higher Power.”

Look at the Cross, especially one with the corpus of Christ on it. ESPECIALLY one like that, not the empty ones Protestants use. Look at the Man on it! He is your brother, Who suffered much worse than you ever did. Yet He did suffer. Even before His death He wept over the death of His friend, Lazarus. On the night before He died, He was “sorrowful unto death.” That is a heart- and gut- wrenching sorrow. For us it would feel as if there would be no end to it. He knew there would, but what He would have to go through…

Contemplate the Cross. He failed. And in doing so won us a victory.

Christ_of_Saint_John_of_the_Cross

“Christ of Saint John of the Cross” by www.dali-gallery.com. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Christ_of_Saint_John_of_the_Cross.jpg#/media/File:Christ_of_Saint_John_of_the_Cross.jpg

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)