Category Archives: Relapse

Just one more

Posted on by

Today’s meditation in “Walk in Dry Places” by Hazelden mentions the diminishing returns of having “just one more drink.” As if having “one more” could bring the comfort and solace that is missing, it merely hastens our descent into deeper addiction. It is a false promise, an illusory note that we can be satisfied by a physical thing or act for what is essentially a spiritual problem.

As Catholics, we have access to a wealth of spiritual aids that we can dive into, and fill our soul. Mass and the Sacraments, but also devotional practices such as the Rosary. The Rosary, when said slowly and prayerfully, meditation on the Scripture-based Mysteries, can do wonders for filling that “hole in the soul”, which never seems to be satisfied by just another drink.

Reading Sacred Scripture is the ultimate devotional tool at our disposal. Reading the Word of God and dwelling upon the words and meanings is excellent for that satisfying spiritual hunger.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry, Part 2: Alcoholics who still suffer

Posted on by

I just finished writing about Garry and I mentioned in there about how sobriety and serenity seemed elusive for him.

This does not make him any less valuable of an individual than any other. Yes, he was arrested for DWI, one of the most irresponsible of all crimes. It does not have to happen. You could stay home and safely get trashed if that is as far as you want to go with your drinking. “Lose” your car keys. To drink too much and them get behind the wheel of what essentially becomes a weapon is grossly disgusting and DWI penalties should be severe.

However, people are not disposable things to be tossed aside or thrown out if shown to be apparently useless. Alcoholics, especially those who never quite seem to “get” sobriety should be removed from harming others. Current state laws regarding repeat offenders do not yet address this quickly enough.

I write this just in case anyone who read my post on Garry felt that I was too compassionate with him, given that he was arrested for DWI and could have injured or killed an innocent person.

I am aware that could have happened. And in other times and places and with other people it has.

But, I am writing on my friend Garry, and the reactions I gleaned from the commenters in the online versions of the various news reports I found make me question people’s humanity.

Quite a few people were vicious in their attacks. None of these mentioned the possibility of the death of an innocent bystander as the basis of their acrimony. Just that Garry is a dumb drunk, a redneck wannabe and therefore is a piece of human refuse.

Bear in mind that Jesus Christ ate and preferred the company of sinners. From hookers and tax collectors to associating with lepers and who knows what other types of human “garbage,” He loved them all. He even had nice things to say about Roman soldiers.

He knew that these were people made in God’s image and likeness, and despite the low regard and station of their lives, deserved a basic respect and dignity. He came to heal them, not the righteous.

What can be done about them? Minister to them, heal them. Go out into the wilderness of the streets and alleys where they live and work and try to reach them and heal them. Show them a better way.

For chronic DWI offenders like Garry, perhaps take away their driver’s licenses much sooner and increase the penalties for driving without one. As well as more draconian DWI penalties if caught while driving illegally.

But to casually and maliciously just throw people away and disregard them is unChristian. I perhaps may feel somewhat different if I knew personally someone who was killed by a drunk. I would hope that I would, however, take the final words of the Lord’s Prayer seriously and forgive those who trespass us as we ask for forgiveness for ourselves. There is the occasional story you hear about how the family members of a crime victim do forgive the criminal. That takes a special strength. A strength drawn from a faith that is NOT convenient, but a real one that doesn’t change when things in life get too rough. A faith that is lived.

There are people out there who still suffer from an affliction that is seemingly incurable for them. I could be Garry, but somehow certain things just clicked and I sobered up and remained so for 9 1/2 years.

Some of us are painfully aware that we could have killed someone during our drinking days.

But for the grace of God, go I. And you.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Garry

Posted on by

Yesterday a face stared right back out at me from the pages of a newspaper. It was Garry. He had been arrested for DWI after being pulled over when a cop noticed that he didn’t have a seatbelt on. (I forget how many times for DWI this makes for Garry, but it has been quite a few.)

I saw it after goofing off on Facebook. I happened to see something else of interest in my hometown newspaper’s feed, and after posting it, decided to go to the paper’s site and poke around to see what was going on back there. I went to the “Police Blotter” page, which was always amongst the first parts I’d go to after the obituaries just to see if anyone I knew was listed.

I haven’t seen or heard from Garry in perhaps 6-8 years, since I was last active in AA there. I had wondered if he was even alive.

Garry was always kind, compassionate and understanding with me, despite my not being exactly a poster child for recovery in those days. Or maybe because of that. It seems that he was hurting and suffering more than I. Yet despite very different backgrounds we struck up a friendship. He was a high-school only-grad, if that, and a blue-collar working stiff and I was edumacated in colledge. But then again, in the rooms of AA, “We are a people who normally would not mix” -AA Big Book, page 17)

I have always wondered about Garry since I last saw him. I had always been grateful for his friendship back in the day when I lived at home. We never hung out outside of the rooms of AA, but chatted on the phone when needed. He was also a convert to the Catholic Church (mainly because of his wife, who ended up leaving him on Christmas Eve in 2002 or ’03).

Seeing his picture was a shock, although I shouldn’t have been too surprised. He had been in AA before I started attending meetings, and so I looked up to him, even though I later figured that his sobriety was shaky. I think a part of it was the difference in backgrounds and my amazement that the “We are a people who normally would not mix” bit wasn’t just a saying, but a living and working part of the AA way. For some reason I felt that it validated my membership. I don’t know why, as the “only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” I had that, and so was in, but still… He was a scruffy drunk and fit the popular image of alcoholics in AA meetings, and so maybe that was it.

His sobriety, like I said, was never strong. It would last for a few months or so, maybe a year, and then something would happen. He’d hide it well, but his sponsor knew and I learned. This is why that although seeing his picture was a shock (maybe over discovering that Garry is alive), I wasn’t too surprised. He seems to be one of the ones for whom sobriety and serenity is elusive.

This part sounds weird, but I always thought it would be awesome that if we all make it to Heaven, his Heavenly mansion should be next to mine. I don’t know why I’ve had that imagery in my mind from way back then, as I’ve had better friends, but dang it, I want him to be one of the ones to make it (I know, we all want everyone to be saved, but we do know that not everyone does and I really want him to be one of the ones. AND I wanna hang out in Heaven with him for eternity. It’d be an epic blast.)

And so I am praying for him. I started a Novena to St. Maximilian Kolbe for Garry. It will end on January 8th, the Solemnity of the Epiphany of Our Lord. Not a bad day to end a Novena for an alcoholic. If I lived closer, I’d visit him in jail. He would be surprised to see me, and probably surprised a little at my 9 1/2 years of sobriety. Happy though. I cannot afford the travel, gas and even one overnight stay is too costly right now. I may try and send him a letter.

I wonder who else saw the piece in the paper and is reaching out.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota Part 3: Relapse and Recovery

Posted on by

This is the third and final part in the series of interviews with leaders of the St. Francis Mission, for background, see An Introduction to the St. Francis Mission Among the Lakota

Q: The following link provides basic information on the recovery programs offered at the Reservation:
Recovery programs at the St. Francis Mission.

They seem to cover all of the basics, 12 Step through AA, Al-Anon, GA and NA. You also have the Betty Ford Institute coming in for various periods throughout the year.

Icimani Ya Waste Recovery CenterUSETHIS

(Photo of Icimani Ya Waste’ Recovery Center courtesy Mike O’Sullivan at the Mission)

Out of the general population of addicts and alcoholics, about what percentage attends meetings and do other recovery work (like sponsoring other addicts or service and volunteer work)?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The two centers we have, we have regular meetings of each of these groups, but it’s a small percentage considering the amount of people who are affected by this disease.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Using my opinion, I would say 40%.

Q: Do people continue with meeting attendance long after they have been clean and sober for a long time?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: The ones in our program, yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, their sober lives depend on it.

Q: How great is the incidence of relapse?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: I would say the incidence of relapse from the treatment program on the Rosebud is extremely high. In the meetings that we have at our centers, we’ve had a fairly high success rate of people staying with the program.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: The incident of relapse is a tremendous issue.

Q: Do people keep returning to the recovery programs despite any repeated failures?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: Yes.

(Mrs. Provencial) A: Yes, people will keep returning to the recovery programs despite their repeated failures. Everyone is different, and each person will experience “hitting the bottom” in their own way. This will usually be their time to step up and make that positive change in their life and live it everyday.

Q: How are any chronic relapsers supported? Are they encouraged by other members of the Rosebud recovery community to keep coming back, or does encouragement mainly fall to the clergy?

(Fr. Hatcher) A: This is a people based program. The support for those who relapse is provided by the recovery community and is supported by the clergy.

(Mrs Provencial) A: In my opinion, all relapses are chronic. St. Francis Mission recovery center’s provide educational and support groups to the addicts and family members on the Rosebud reservation. There are also other programs in the tribe that provide support for the addicts but limited support for the family members.

Yes, the addicts are greatly encouraged by their support groups or support person to continue their journey in sobriety. In my opinion, the encouragement does not fall mainly on the clergy, the families encouragement and support is crucial.

Just to wrap-up:

Is there anything else you’d like to mention that I haven’t asked, and that you’d like to “get the message out” to people?

(Mrs. Provencial) A: I would like to mention that the recovery services that St. Francis Mission provides are crucial to the families on the Rosebud reservation. There are no resources of support for the families affected by drugs and alcohol on the reservation. St. Francis Mission sees the negative affects and has developed positive educational support and workshops that have been making a spiritual and positive impact on the native lives.

This concludes this special series of interviews on SoberCatholic. I would like to thank Fr. John Hatcher, SJ, Mrs. Geraldine Provencial, and particularly Corrie Oberdin, Online Marketing Strategist at Corrie Oberdin {dot} Net |. For further information, please Contact the St. Francis Mission or Contact Corrie Oberdin

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Agony in the Garden

Posted on by

We all experience our own Garden of Gethsemane:

Matthew 26:36-42: “Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’

He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to feel sorrow and distress.

Then he said to them, ‘My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me.’

He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.’

When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, ‘So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?

Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’

Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, ‘My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!'”

(Via USCCB.)

We can only imagine the suffering that goes into “My soul is sorrowful even to death.” And this is Jesus who is going through this pain, on the eve of His Crucifixion and death.

Our wills resist doing what needs to be done if it involves the least amount of pain and anguish. Our trials come and we feel so alone during them. We beg and pray that God would relieve us of the burden. Even when we have someone to share the pain with, the sorrow over enduring the trial is like a shadow enveloping us. The burden might be eased, but the trial of enduring still darkens our soul.

I am currently undergoing a trial at my day job. I cannot go into details but it keeps dragging on, seemingly without end, although it has only been a few weeks.

One thing that I have noticed more during this period than I have in previous trials in my life is the work of grace in my soul, and the mercy of God. I cannot explain, but whereas in the past I would be seriously stressing out, I am not so much now. Quite a lot has to do with my lovely wife’s support and her deep and abiding faith, but there have been other things coinciding during this time. It is almost as if God is telling me that He knew all along that this would be happening (of course He does, being omniscient) and has arranged certain things to help me not only cope, but spiritually grow and strengthen during this period.

Perhaps this all doesn’t make much sense as I have not written about what is happening. There will be a few blogposts coming up that will relate some of the “spiritual” events that have happened that have given me courage. And perhaps you, as well. For we are truly not alone when we suffer trials. Jesus is there awaiting our prayers. While we might not have the burdens lifted, we can know that He is there, shepherding us through (if we see with the eyes of faith).

Suffering is hardly ever desired (an understatement if there ever was one), but with a strong faith and friends to assist, people can learn and emerge stronger for it. It is a natural part of human existence. If that is accepted then perhaps it can actually bear fruit in one’s life.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

And so it begins… a cycle of anniversaries

Posted on by

Six years ago today my Mom was taken to the ICU for reasons unknown at the time. We had thought it was related to her heart condition (she had surgery earlier in the year and a stent was implanted in her heart), but as it turned out she had a ruptured bowel.

She died from it on November 7th, but that is for a later post. But today begins a particular cycle of anniversaries of her final weeks, for the dates now fall upon the days-of-the week as they occurred in 2005, the first time this has happened since her death that year.

Not that it really makes these anniversaries any different, it is just another year. But somehow the coincidence of dates and days makes them a little more, I don’t know, poignant is a word that comes to mind. A special emotional feeling triggering the heart and mind in a way that is unique to the event.

I was originally going to post this at my other blog, The Four Last Things, and indeed later today an edited version of it may appear there, but I changed it to here for now as anniversaries of this sort can also be triggers for a relapse.

Those of us who are alcoholics have minds that are moody, even after years of sobriety (nearly 9 1/2 for me). Emotional mood swings and responses are not unheard of, even though they may level out and not seem as extreme as they were during the old drinking days or early sobriety. Nevertheless they are there and pose a risk.

Not that I am in danger of a relapse, I have no intention of drinking “despite” the anniversaries and certain other stresses in my life. But still I must remain aware of the dangers to my sobriety and continued ability to remain a responsible, contributing member of society.

Life just sucks at times and during those periods we have to just “suck it up” and deal with it as best we can, and accept help from whatever quarters it is offered. Pray a lot and reflect.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Independence Day

Posted on by

A rare "gratitude" post. In the United States today we are celebrating our Independence from Great Britain. They fought long and hard to rid themselves the "People" (British troops and tax collectors), "Places" (far off island governing this Continent), and "Things" (unjust taxation, lack of political representation) that were wrong our their’ lives. And so now we have 235 years of Independence.

We are grateful for that. Although things are not, putting it mildly, all that great in the USA today regardless of one’s political persuasion, our Independence is largely still in our own hands.

Anyone who has been sober and clean for any length of time hopefully remembers the dark days of dependency on their chemical of choice. The "People, Places and Things" of that life are long past, with very little desire to return.

How much control do you have over your sobriety? What do you do to maintain your independence, or do you take it for granted that it will always be present? Twelve Step meetings? The Church and the Sacraments, as well as a prayer life? Service and volunteering?

Be mindful and keep watch.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Something worse may happen

Posted on by

In this passage from today’s Gospel Reading Jesus warns a man who had been ill for 38 years:

John 5:14:“‘Look, you are well; do not sin any more, so that nothing worse may happen to you.'”

(Via USCCB.)

We do not know what the illness was, but it doesn’t matter. We can take this story and relate it to our alcoholism.

Jesus warns the man not to sin. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the man sinned and his punishment was an illness, but perhaps his illness was a natural consequence of some sinful act. Just a thought…

Now, this is where a Gospel lesson may be directly applied to some natural consequence of drinking again after a period of sobriety.

You have stopped drinking, you are aware of the physical, mental and spiritual dangers of alcohol abuse. Also, if you are aware of the moral dimensions of alcohol abuse as a result of some of the Steps and through Confession, then you are aware that it is a sin. Knowledge increases your culpability. Your will may have been corrupted, but if you have had sustained sobriety you should have regained some control over it. You should have enough safeguards in place to counter the “cunning, baffling and powerful” nature of alcoholism.

Jesus essentially warns the man that something worse may happen to him if he sins again. We know this from our own experience with alcoholism. If we relapse, it may make our recovery far more difficult. Granted, many people who “go back out” and “do research” find that drinking is as bad as it ever was, and their resolve is stronger.

But there are many examples of people who for whatever reason, continually relapse. Their hope of recovery is damaged.

The “something worse” for them is their continued life of addiction and all that implies, plus the shame of repeated failure.

Much prayer is need by and for these.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Strengthen my spirit

Posted on by

This excerpt from the Responsorial Psalm for Thursday of the First Week of Lent is a hopeful reminder for us alcoholics and addicts about where help can reliably come from:

Psalm 138:3:“When I cried out, you answered; you strengthened my spirit.”

(Via USCCB.)

Cry out to the Lord for help when things seem dark, when a drink seems to offer a way out. He will strengthen your spirit if you are humble and willing.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena for Alcoholics: Day 8

Posted on by

Recovery from addictions is quite often referred to as a “path” or “road”. In AA literature there is the often used phrase: “trudging the road of happy destiny.” Many times people fall away or drift off that road. This is a relapse.

People relapse for many reasons. Some, like me, relapse early on in recovery. The “plan” or program of recovery hadn’t yet firmed up in the person and something too difficult happened and an old crutch was used to deal with the problem. Or some other mysterious reason had caused the person to return to the addiction, it isn’t always a problem too difficult too handle.

A guy I knew in my old AA home group had said that when in meetings during which a person discussed their relapse, he didn’t really pay too much attention as to why the relapse occurred if the individual had been sober for less than 5 years. Five years being a conservative time frame for “early recovery”. Over 5 years, and he focused on the story as he was very much interested in why a person with a proven history of sober living had strayed. Humility pretty much demands that anyone can relapse, no one is ever immune from the life-long allure of your “drug of choice.” No matter how long your sobriety, no matter what your “program of recovery” is, you are susceptible.

But there is always help. Yes, there are the people in your recovery meetings and such that you can call on. But there is also always your Blessed Mother, ready, willing and able to stand by and help her children whenever they are in distress. Just develop the faith needed to trust in her.

Pray:

Oh ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy, Health of the Sick, Refuge of Sinners, Comfortess of the Afflicted, you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings. Look upon me with mercy. When you appeared in the grotto of Lourdes, you made it a privileged sanctuary where you dispense your favors, and where many sufferers have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal. I come, therefore, with unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. My loving Mother, obtain my request. I will try to imitate your virtues so that I may one day share your company and bless you in eternity. Amen

From: Prayers – Catholic Online: “Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes”

Note: reposted from last year.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)