Exploring hurt people hurting other people

This is a followup to Hurt People Hurt People. It was originally published on Paul Sofranko Space, but I edited it for Sober Catholic. It describes how a person might become an ‘antagonist,’ but for a fictional setting; this may be added to the backstory of a character in a novel I’m working on. I firmly believe that writing has tremendous therapeutic value, and writing fiction is a way to deal with trauma. This post explores how a “bad person,” maybe a “hurt person who hurts others” got that way in the first place. While it is easy to create bad people who are just evil, it is more realistic to show how root causes have driven them to be who they are; all of which could have been avoided. Perhaps they can be redeemed.

This is drawn from personal traumas I referred to the the “Hurt people…” post (the 1995 incident referred to but I didn’t reveal; and the 2005 death of my Mom and the aftermath,) although some elements in it are speculative or conjectural.

There are two people, Person A (“PA”) and Person B (“PB”). PA also has accomplices or people sympathetic, but PA is the ringleader; possibly through fear and intimidation. PB is mostly alone.

PA and accomplices had screwed over PB to the point of driving him to consider suicide. PB is figuratively broken, bruised, bloodied and wounded and is cast aside. He is left to wondering “Why?”

This had poured salt into a wound created years before when PA grievously harmed PB with unjust accusations. PB had been wondering “Why?” about that ever since; this new event just made things worse, hence the consideration of suicide. PB’s discovery through one of PA’s accomplices that PA doesn’t even remember this older event just adds salt to the wound.

The “Whys?” were never addressed. PB never gets answers. PA, et al., have moved on from the event and put it behind them; after all, they were the antagonists and know the “Whys?” (if there were actually any) and have dealt with whatever they need to. Not so with PB. For him, hurt and pain continue and becomes an integral part of his existence. Without understanding the “Whys?” PB never fully recovers and is changed for the worse.

PB struggles with things and tries to relate best to the reality about him but feels alone as no one really stood up and defended him during the events; and afterward others are uncomfortable or indifferent; as such he trusts others little and presumes bad motives. He tried to defend himself during the horrors, but was out gunned and outnumbered. PB also had a weak and vulnerable base from which to defend himself, being faced with certain survival issues at the same time.

His obsession with PA and the others (his frequent dwelling on the “Whys?” and such,) and wishing it never happened or fantasizing about vengeance or at least something happening to bring about justice, and knowing that it will probably never come to pass has lead PB to become something of an antagonist himself; while wanting to be “good,” he feels he cannot risk that and needs to put himself and his feelings first.

Meanwhile, PA and the others are to all appearances “good people,” and if they bother to discuss the events at all, it is to the disparagement of PB. As PB isn’t around to defend himself and no one else is willing to defend him, his reputation suffers. Only one side of the story gets told.

So, a combination of time leading PB to become “bad” in the eyes of PA and accomplices, and PA, et al., becoming “good” has only worsened things for PB. PB was the victim; he never deserved the treatment. But due to powerlessness and no healing because PB never learned “Why?” has stunted PB and left him emotionally back where everything took place. And thus PB is ‘bad,’ not ‘evil’ but due to the woundedness and lack of answers leading to justice and healing, PB’s actions are difficult.

PB is not a “whiner,” nor one who touts “victimhood.” He had difficulty in “getting over it” but is one who is truly wounded and has never gotten the needed healing or justice.

The only thing that can heal PB is justice and knowledge. He has to know why the treatment was meted out almost to the point of driving him to suicide. PA and accomplices have to make amends, both psychological and emotional. Material amends would be a bonus, but PB knows that will never happen. (PB perhaps suffered some material loss in income over his inability to manage and cope for a while.) At any rate, PA and the others have to make certain sacrifices to undo the harm they caused.

So, that’s it. A person is a victim of unjust action which were never redressed. The hurt party is still wounded despite time and some attempts at healing, but lingering issues prevent full healing. Hence, the pain has transformed him into an ‘antagonist.’ (This is where this fictional exercise departs from any “autobiographical” account. In fiction, we can safely explore the “What ifs.”) PB is wounded and that woundedness causes him to wound others. The degree to which he becomes an antagonist varies: there is him merely being a jerk, all the way to him becoming single-mindedly focused on achieving world domination and bending people to his will, severely punishing others in the process. He says “Mwuahahahahahahahaha!” a lot.

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Hurt people hurt people

I often run across memes online with the phrase “Hurt people hurt people.” This means that people who have been hurt turn around and hurt others. It is assumed that since they’ve never experienced any healing from the hurt, or even justice for it, the  wound festers and they respond by hurting others.

I sympathize with the rationale behind “hurt people hurt people.” It’s hard to be sensitive to other people’s pain when your own has never been completely healed, or the ones who hurt you seem to continue on happy and healthy as if nothing happened.

I do not always think that the pain rendered unto me by the actions of my family after my Mom died in 2005 has ever been completely dealt with, and certainly “justice” (however that is defined) has never been enacted. Nor has the pain from the trauma my sister visited upon me in 1995 been dealt with (I thought I had blogged about that incident, but I can’t find any post on it. So be it, let it rest, for now. 2025 is the 20th and 30th anniversaries of many traumas. The dates are coming up in a coiuple of months.) For all of that, it’s easy for me at times to be resentful and less than empathic towards others. I am a hurt person who once in a while hurts others. Bear in mind that everyone does this; but at least I know the source of where it comes from. We all walk around broken and wounded. The wounds are there; some healed over, others not so much. 

It is obvious from all this that people need healing, and that access to effective and affordable mental health resources is imperative. Also, people need to embrace forgiveness. If a hurt person cannot get access to mental health resources, then “forgiveness” may help as far as it goes.

There is one method by which a person who has been hurt can find healing and perhaps justice as well. Although much patience is required.

“Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.”

That is a passage from the Bible. You can’t get a better method of justice than God going to bat for you and doing unto others what should be done unto them.

St. Paul refers to it explicitly in his Letter to the Romans:

Romans 12: 17-19

“Render to no one harm for harm. Provide good things, not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of all men.

If it is possible, in so far as you are able, be at peace with all men.

Do not defend yourselves, dearest ones. Instead, step aside from wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine. I shall give retribution, says the Lord.”

St. Paul was quoting (“For it is written”) the Book of Deuteronomy 32:35: “Vengeance is mine, and I will repay them in due time, so that their foot may slip and fall.” 

Granted, this is something that will happen “in God’s time;” and while we would rather those who’ve hurt us to get their comeuppance in our lifetime (and quickly!) and maybe even being able to witness it; this is one of those things that it is better to wait for. God’s justice is sweeter when it happens when it’s supposed to. 

It is also important to note that the people on whom God will wreak His vengeance and justice on are those who are unrepentant. I think that if those who’ve hurt you realize the gravity of their actions and repent, even if they do not outright make amends to you, “somehow” God will pass a healing on to you. (Based on this, my family hasn’t repented; I have passed out of family history, mostly fogotten and unregarded. At best, a footnote mentioned at gatherings.)

Another Scripture verse harkens to this vengeance:

Psalm 23:5 “You set a table before me in front of my enemies…”

What better vengeance than for God to bestow His blessings on you in the sight of those who’ve hurt you? This could be in this life; your ‘enemies’ witnessed you moving on from the pain they’ve caused and you seem (outwardly, at least) unharmed.

But it could also be in the next life. You die and enter Heaven, joining in the celebrations of the “wedding feast of the Lamb (Rev 19:1-10).” That incredible eternal feast which takes place after the Second Coming and the final triumph of good over evil and the resurrection of the dead, where all the faithful gather in joyous union with the glorified Christ.

Just think about the possibility of your unrepentant and unforgiven enemies witnessing this from the tortures of Hell (which I think may be one way to increases their suffering.) These are the people who have willfully done you serious harm; whether it be crimes such as physical or psychological abuse, or something else (neglect, bigotry, prejudice…) They have also probably harmed many others. Now they are paying the price for their sins and deservedly so. 

Take heart, of sorts: there is no need for you to nurture the pain with in you as a reminder of past injuries, dwelling on the injustices done unto you and dreaming of a way to get even; or, worse, spread the pain onto others by treating them the same way you had been. For when a “hurt person” “hurts others,” they are no better than those who’ve hurt them. Worse, even for they know the pain and should be sensitive to that pain in others.

Leave it up to God. He knows exactly why those people hurt you. He knows what’s in their hearts and souls and He alone can wreak proper justice. If that includes Divine Vengerance, so be it. Better Him than you. 

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

My Homemade St. Rita Chaplet and How to say the Chaplets of St. Rita of Cascia

In this post: The Six Decade Rosary of Lourdes and St. Bridget, I mentioned that a couple of months ago I made a Chaplet of St. Rita. I had already posessed one commercially made from the National Shrine of St.Rita of Cascia, but it had contained no instructions on how to pray it. So, I spent some time online looking for them. I found some instructions, but they didn’t match the arrangement of the beads I had. 

This is the Chaplet I ordered from the Shrine:

Just ten beads, arranged in a circlet. But I kept finding instructions all over the web for a chaplet of three groups of three beads, like this one: (SPOILER ALERT!! this is “My Homemade St. Rita Chaplet”)

After a while, I managed to find a site which had the correct prayer instructions, (courtesy of the Shrine, no less!) and here are those instructions:

The Chaplet of St. Rita of Cascia
(from the National Shrine of St.Rita of Cascia; Philadelphia, PA, USA)

This chaplet consists of 10 beads on which are recited, alternately the Our Father and the  Hail Mary while reflecting on the following meditations:

 a) beginning at the centre piece of St. Rita, compose yourself for prayer and begin with a spiritual  communion, or Apostles Creed. Then move on to the first set of two beads and announce the meditation.

 1) I rejoice with you, O blessed Saint Rita, who were showered by God with blessings of sweetness whereby you remained always faithful to your baptismal consecration. Pray for me that I may avoid every sin.

 Our Father, then a Hail Mary.

 2) I rejoice with you, O glorious Saint Rita, who from childhood were blessed with the gift of prayer and the contemplation of Jesus crucified. Obtain for me fervour in my prayer and compassionate love for Jesus in his sufferings.

Our Father, then a Hail Mary.

3) I rejoice with you, O fortunate Saint Rita, who learned how to draw from your Crucified Saviour the strength and the courage to bear the trials of life out of love for him. Pray for me that I may imitate your virtues and experience the favour of Jesus crucified.

Our Father, then a Hail Mary.

4) I rejoice with you, O most blessed Saint Rita, who were so loving as to suffer for Jesus, and so came to receive on your forehead a thorn from his crown. Obtain for me a sign of heartfelt contrition and the grace of sorrow for my sins.

Our Father, then a Hail Mary

5) I rejoice with you, O Saint Rita, who walked always the path of faith, hope, and love, as wife and mother, widow and religious, and who now enjoy the rewards of heavenly glory. Look upon me in my needs and obtain for me the grace to follow your example, fulfilling all the duties of my state of life so as to share with you some day the Father’s presence.

Our Father, then a Hail Mary

b) (optional) The chaplet may be completed with the following prayer:

O Holy Saint Rita, exemplary Augustinian Sister, we honour you for your devotion to the Passion of Christ. Although your early life was filled with disappointment, frustration, and unceasing tragedy, you never lost faith and trust in God. For this you are the patroness of the impossible, and our inspiration and advocate in desperate circumstances.
Amen.

Novena Prayer (optional):

O holy patroness of those in need, St. Rita, whose pleadings before thy Divine Lord are almost irresistible, who for thy lavishness in granting favours hast been called the Advocate of the Hopeless and even of the Impossible; St. Rita, so humble, so pure, so mortified, so patient and of such compassionate love for thy Crucified Jesus that thou couldst obtain from Him whatsoever thou askest, on account of which all confidently have recouse to thee, expecting, if not always relief, at least comfort; be propitious to our petition, showing thy power with God on behalf of thy suppliant; be lavish to us, as thou hast been in so many wonderful cases, for the greater glory of God, for the spreading of thine own devotion, and for the consolation of those who trust in thee. We promise, if our petition is granted, to glorify thee by making known thy favour, to bless and sing thy praises forever. Relying then upon thy merits and power before the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we pray thee grant that (here mention your request)

(These instructions generously given by The National Shrine of Saint Rita of Cascia, 1166 South Broad Street, Philadelphia, PA 19146-(215)546-8333)  

But what about the other kind? The three groups of three beads? I hadn’t felt like finding a source online and ordering one; I figured the one from the National Shrine is THE CHAPLET. But still, I really love St. Rita and not having “the other kind” bothered me.

As I mentioned in that post on the Lourdes and Brigittine Rosaries, I have a lot of rosary parts lying about, many are reddish and I attribute that color to St. Rita. So I set about to salvage parts of this or that rosary and came up with “the other chaplet,” pictured here, again:

I did have to order the medal of St. Rita; that is courtesy of the National Shrine (a little blurry, but good enough):

How to pray the “Other version”

This chaplet in honor of St. Rita, patroness of the impossible, consists of nine beads. The chaplet is comprised of three sets of three prayers each as shown below, completed with the recitation of the prayer to St. Rita.

Intentions may be made at the beginning or end of the chaplet.

Make the Sign of the Cross on the Crucifix.

Recite the Our Father
on each of the first three beads.

Recite the Hail Mary
on each on each of the second three beads..

Recite the Glory Be to the Father
on each of the last three beads:.

On the medal of Saint Rita, recite:

O Holy St. Rita, exemplary Augustinian Sister, we honor you for your devotion to the Passion of Christ. Although your early life was filled with disappointment, frustration, and unceasing tragedy, you never lost faith and trust in God. For this you are the patroness of the impossible, and our inspiration and advocate in desperate circumstances.

NOTE: This concluding prayer, “O Holy St. Rita, exemplary Augustinian Sister…” is a common prayer for St. Rita (I think it’s even in the Mass in her honor, but I’m not sure and don’t feel like looking it up. 😝)  

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

The SIx Decade Rosary of Lourdes and St. Bridget

A six-decade rosary was held by Our Lady when she appeared to St. Bernadette at Lourdes, France in 1858. The peasants around that area of France commonly used this kind of rosary; it differs from the the more common six-decade Brigittine Rosary (see below) only in the Mysteries prayed. The peasants used the accepted mysteries of the common everyday rosary that Catholics pray (known as the “Dominican Rosary”) but added a sixth decade for the Holy Souls in Purgatory. 🙏 From what I can find out online, the residents of the area still practice this devotion.

I’ve been obsessed with a book I’ve started reading: Champions Of The Rosary: The History And Heroes Of A Spiritual Weapon by Fr. Donald Calloway. (I’ll write up a review of it soon.)

I have learned quite a lot about the Rosary and while I have deeply loved it from my reversion through today, reading nearly 200 pages on its history and the saints who’ve championed it has really made me appreciate the extent by which it is critical for Catholics to pray the Dominican Rosary, especially every day. Its role in the salvation of souls is underappreciated and perhaps even little known. Anyway, and more to the point of this post, after reading a few chapters of the heroes of the rosary, I suddenly became obsessed very needful of having my own six-decade rosary, which is odd considering the book doesn’t mention it much. It must be some sort of God-incidental thing where my subconscious mind connected Calloway’s book to my increasing devotion to Our Lady of Lourdes and the lore surrounding the Apparition that I finally thought “I must have one of my own!”

I started looking online for “six decade rosaries” and discovered they’re called “Brigittine Rosaries.” (OK, so I forgot that Calloway did mention those.) They’re just like the cDominican Rosaries except there’s the additional sixth decade. Many online stores sell them; often for a lot more money than I’m willing to spend. I did find one nice source from Canada that offers quite a huge variety, and many are very affordable; but I was turned off by the high shipping costs (tariffs? 😡🤬 ) (If you’re curious, they are Discount Rosaries. They offer a great selection of rosaries and chaplets and other resources for Catholics. If I had a longer shopping list, I might have risked the shipping fees. Please patronize them to make up for my not having done so! 🥺😇 )

So then I thought, “I’ve got a lot of broken and busted rosaries around here. Maybe I can salvage parts from some and make my own!” My first attempt was succesful for about 2 minutes (if that) before it fell to pieces. 😢 After the typical feeling sorry for myself period ran its course, I thought, “There’s a LOT MORE parts left, let me try again!” 💪🏻

SUCCESS! 🎆🎉

It looks a little odd, but after much trial and error (and squinting,) I managed to make a six-decade rosary out of three damaged or broken ones. Saves me money in not having to buy one. 😃

Mine’s a far cry from the gold chain-and-white-beaded rosary Mary held, but I’m happy with it. 😇😃 Like I said above, you pray the Lourdes Six-Decade Rosary using the same Mysteries as the regular rosary, just that the sixth Mystery is for the Holy Souls in Purgatory.

Just two months ago I made a St. Rita Chaplet from busted rosaries! 🤜🏻🤛🏻 There will be a post on that soon!

The “Brigittine Rosary” is named after St. Bridget of Sweden who propagated it. It was often referred to as the “peasant’s rosary” which had no assigned mysteries to it. The peasants made up whatever suited their fancy.  However, the Brigittine Rosary does have formal, assigned Mysteries. (I guess the peasants didn’t care. 🫤 )

The Brigittine Rosary was instituted and propagated by St. Bridget of Sweden. She was favored with visions and extacies but remained profoundly humble with a deep devotion to the Passion of Our Lords and His Holy Wounds, and great love for the Blessed Virgin and made a rosary in her honor. When describing the rosary she constructed, she explained it was 63 Hail Mary beads to honour the 63 years of life the Blessed Virgin lived on earth. This is why it has 6 decades.

How to recite the Brigittine Rosary:

The Eighteen Mysteries of the Brigittine Crown Chaplet

Joyful Mysteries:

 

The Immaculate Conception

The Annunciation of Gabriel to Mary

The Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth

The Birth of Jesus

The Presentation of Jesus In The Temple

The Finding of Jesus In The Temple

 

The Sorrowful Mysteries:

 

The Agony of Jesus In The Garden

Jesus Is Scourged At The Pillar

Jesus Is Crowned With Thorns

Jesus Carries His Cross

The Crucifixion

The Body of the Lord was placed in the Arms of His Sorrowful Mother

 

The Glorious Mysteries:

 

The Resurrection of Jesus

The Ascension of Jesus

The Descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost

The Assumption of Mary into Heaven

The Coronation of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth

The Patronage of Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace (Brigittine Rosary)

or

The Patronage of Mary, Queen and Beauty of Carmel (Carmelite Rosary)

 

To St Bridgett, Queen of Sweden

 

WITH confident hearts we fly to thee, blessed Bridgett, and ask, in these times of darkness and unbelief,

thy intercession on behalf of those who are separated from the Church of JESUS CHRIST. By the clear

knowledge which thou hadst of the cruel sufferings of our crucified SAVIOUR, the price of our

redemption, we beg of thee to obtain for those who are outside the one fold the grace of faith, so that the

scattered sheep may return to the one true Shepherd.

Through CHRIST our LORD. Amen.

St Bridgett, fearless servant of GOD, pray for us.

St Bridgett, patient in sufferings and humiliations, pray for us.

St Bridgett, wonderful in thy love towards JESUS and Mary, pray for us.

PATER, Ave, Gloria.

Source: Discover a Lost Devotion of Brigittine Crown Chaplet

This source has the Luminous Mysteries: OCDS Tulsa.

If you are curious as to how it became a part of the Carmelite tradition:

How Did it Become Part of the Carmelite Habit?

St. Teresa of Avila prayed the rosary daily and it is believed that when she was traveling throughout Spain founding her monasteries of the reform, she would visit the Brigittine Monastery. It was there that she learned about their six-decade Rosary. As time went on, the six-decade Rosary became part of the Carmelite Habit, with a large medal of Our Lady of Mount Carmel in addition to, or even in place of, the crucifix found on the Dominican Rosary.

Source: The little Brown Scapular Coloring Book

I hope you liked this!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

On Devotion to the Precious Blood of Christ

July is dedicated to the Precious Blood of Jesus. The devotion to the Precious Blood of Christ is as old as the Church, for we’ve learned through catechism or the Divine Mercy devotion that the Church was born from the side of Christ when St. Longinus pierced His sacred side with a lance and blood and water flowed out. Water signified Baptism, while the Blood signified the Eucharist. 

Some feel that it predates the Church. In Devotion to the Precious Blood of Christ, I wrote that…  

It is said to have dated to the Circumcision of Our Lord, when according to approved private revelations, Mary collected the blood Jesus had spilled.

Today, July 2nd, used to be the Feast of the Most Precious Blood, but it was removed from the Roman liturgical calendar in 1970. Nowadays, the Solemnity of Corpus Christi is referred to as the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, so it was essentially combined into that. It is called ‘precious’ because it is Jesus’ offered His own blood to pay for the redemption of humanity. Jesus shed His very blood for the sake of all humanity, atoning for humanity’s sins. The devotion to the Most Precious Blood is yet another one dedicate to repentance and reparation, much like the Holy Face devotion, the Sacred Heart and the Fatima Message.

I find the Precious Blood Devotion to be a particulary pertinent one for us Sober Catholics, given that wine, abused by us during our active drinking years, is transubstantiated by the priest into His Blood during Mass. That which was killing us is now the source of our redemption. This does not mean that we can partake of the wine at Mass; as I said in Appendix B of “The Sober Catholic Way,”

While the wine is transubstantiated by the priest during Mass, it still retains the properties of alcohol.

The Church teaches that the entirety of the Real Presence of Christ, that being His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity are found in the transubstantiated bread. Therefore there is no reason at all for an alcoholic of any length of sobriety to receive the Eucharist in the form of wine.

Nevertheless, I think that the idea of turning something that was dangerous for us into a devotion to help keep us sober, merely because God transformed it into a substance through which we can attain eternal life, is emblematic of how He works through His Church. There is a lot to dwell on with that statement, if you pause to consider it. That’s the whole message of SoberCatholic.com and my books: that the Catholic Church through the Mass, Sacraments and her devotions can sustain one’s freedom from addiction. And get you so much more. 

Check out the resources on the Precious Blood I linked to in this post.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Memorial of the First Martyrs of the Church in Rome

Today is the Memorial of the First Martyrs of the Church in Rome. As I prayed the Divine Office this morning, I was struck by the Intercessory Prayers from the Morning Hour:

INTERCESSIONS

Our Savior’s faithfulness is mirrored in the fidelity of his witnesses who shed their blood for the Word of God. Let us praise him in remembrance of them:

You redeemed us by your blood.

Your martyrs freely embraced death in bearing witness for the faith,

– give us the true freedom of the Spirit, O Lord.

Your martyrs professed their faith by shedding their blood,

– give us a faith, O Lord, that is constant and pure.

Your martyrs followed in your footstep by carrying the cross,

– help us to endure courageously the misfortunes of life.

Your martyrs washed their garments in the blood of the Lamb,

– Help us to avoid the weaknesses of the flesh and worldly allurements.

Courtesy: Common of Several Martyrs – Morning Prayer

I was reminded that we all may be called to be martyrs. But even if not, some of the intercessions do remind us alcoholics and addicts of the road we are called to trudge along, especially:

Your martyrs followed in your footstep by carrying the cross,

– help us to endure courageously the misfortunes of life.

and:

Your martyrs freely embraced death in bearing witness for the faith,

– give us the true freedom of the Spirit, O Lord.

For the first one, evryday we are beset with annoyances and trials. “Normal people,” i.e, the ones who can drink safely, either take these in stride or resort to a few drinks to “take the edge off.” We, of corse, cannot. Furthermore, while in the past we abused the privilege of being able to drink by resorting to it for any reason, we also failed to learn socially acceptavle ways to “take things in stride.” In our recovery we had to relearn basic skills we somehow missed when others learned them. Even long after sobriety, we sometimes have to engage these new coping mechanisms willfully, so as to avoid the drink. Normal respond in stride, alcoholics have to think about how to cope. As Sober Catholics, we’ve learned to “offer it up.”

For the second one, we can reframe the martyrdom as having witnessed our old self dying for recovery. This means that in willingly turning away from the drink, we killed that old addicted version of ourselves and are reborn in Christ Jesus. In essense, we have found what true freedom is; liberation from the chains of addiction and having our souls fed by Holy Mother church via the Mass and Sacraments. We become free to become our truer selves.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Immaculate Heart of Mary Novena begins today

Today begins the Novena to the Immacuate Heart of Mary, a devotion near and dear to any person in recovery given the impurity and selfishness many of us engaged in. The Immaculate Heart of our Heavenly Queen and Mama is a safe refuge to comfort us and lead us further away from the sins of our past, and to keep us faithful to our goal of arriving to our true home, Heaven. 

EWTN has a nice, concise prayer that you vcan recite every day: Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary courtesy of EWTN

Pray More Novenas has a longer and more involved one: Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary courtesy of Pray More Novenas 

Join in praying the Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

 The Surrender Novena: O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

The Sacred Heart Novena begins today and I had the sudden inspiration to remind my readers of the Surrender Novena. It can be said along with another Sacred Heart Novena you are doing, but I highly recommend that you make a habit of saying it often. I have this taped to my laptop:

Catholic Exchange has an excellent piece on the Surrender Novena, The Surrender Novena: Let Jesus Take Care of Everything.

It is a Sacred Heart Devotion. Take a look at this image that is on the cover of the novena trifold cartd I use.:

The Surrender Novena grande

It’s quite easy and given the source, Servant of God, Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo, the confessor of St. Padre Pio, no less) it is powerful and is a must to be added to your spiritual toolkit. Here is the novena in full (read the article anyway; oh, and don’t forget to say the prayer to Mary everyday which is listed at the end):

The Surrender Novena

Day 1

Why do you confuse yourselves by worrying? Leave the care of your affairs to me and everything will be peaceful. I say to you in truth that every act of true, blind, complete surrender to me produces the effect that you desire and resolves all difficult situations.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 2

Surrender to me does not mean to fret, to be upset, or to lose hope, nor does it mean offering to me a worried prayer asking me to follow you and change your worry into prayer. It is against this surrender, deeply against it, to worry, to be nervous and to desire to think about the consequences of anything.

It is like the confusion that children feel when they ask their mother to see to their needs, and then try to take care of those needs for themselves so that their childlike efforts get in their mother’s way. Surrender means to placidly close the eyes of the soul, to turn away from thoughts of tribulation and to put yourself in my care, so that only I act, saying, “You take care of it.”

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 3

How many things I do when the soul, in so much spiritual and material need, turns to me, looks at me and says to me, “You take care of it,” then closes its eyes and rests. In pain you pray for me to act, but that I act in the way you want. You do not turn to me, instead, you want me to adapt to your ideas. You are not sick people who ask the doctor to cure you, but rather sick people who tell the doctor how to. So do not act this way, but pray as I taught you in the Our Father: “Hallowed be thy Name,” that is, be glorified in my need. “Thy kingdom come,” that is, let all that is in us and in the world be in accord with your kingdom. “Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven,” that is, in our need, decide as you see fit for our temporal and eternal life. If you say to me truly: “Thy will be done,” which is the same as saying: “You take care of it,” I will intervene with all my omnipotence, and I will resolve the most difficult situations.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 4

You see evil growing instead of weakening? Do not worry. Close your eyes and say to me with faith: “Thy will be done, You take care of it.” I say to you that I will take care of it, and that I will intervene as does a doctor and I will accomplish miracles when they are needed. Do you see that the sick person is getting worse? Do not be upset, but close your eyes and say, “You take care of it.” I say to you that I will take care of it, and that there is no medicine more powerful than my loving intervention. By my love, I promise this to you.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 5

And when I must lead you on a path different from the one you see, I will prepare you; I will carry you in my arms; I will let you find yourself, like children who have fallen asleep in their mother’s arms, on the other bank of the river. What troubles you and hurts you immensely are your reason, your thoughts and worry, and your desire at all costs to deal with what afflicts you.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 6

You are sleepless; you want to judge everything, direct everything and see to everything and you surrender to human strength, or worse—to men themselves, trusting in their intervention—this is what hinders my words and my views. Oh, how much I wish from you this surrender, to help you; and how I suffer when I see you so agitated! Satan tries to do exactly this: to agitate you and to remove you from my protection and to throw you into the jaws of human initiative. So, trust only in me, rest in me, surrender to me in everything.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 7

I perform miracles in proportion to your full surrender to me and to your not thinking of yourselves. I sow treasure troves of graces when you are in the deepest poverty. No person of reason, no thinker, has ever performed miracles, not even among the saints. He does divine works whosoever surrenders to God. So don’t think about it any more, because your mind is acute and for you it is very hard to see evil and to trust in me and to not think of yourself. Do this for all your needs, do this, all of you, and you will see great continual silent miracles. I will take care of things, I promise this to you.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 8

Close your eyes and let yourself be carried away on the flowing current of my grace; close your eyes and do not think of the present, turning your thoughts away from the future just as you would from temptation. Repose in me, believing in my goodness, and I promise you by my love that if you say, “You take care of it,” I will take care of it all; I will console you, liberate you and guide you.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Day 9

Pray always in readiness to surrender, and you will receive from it great peace and great rewards, even when I confer on you the grace of immolation, of repentance, and of love. Then what does suffering matter? It seems impossible to you? Close your eyes and say with all your soul, “Jesus, you take care of it.” Do not be afraid, I will take care of things and you will bless my name by humbling yourself. A thousand prayers cannot equal one single act of surrender, remember this well. There is no novena more effective than this.

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything! (say 10 times)

Mother, I am yours now and forever.

Through you and with you

I always want to belong

completely to Jesus.

NOTE: Parts of this post were taken from an earlier post on this Novena.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Novena to the Sacred Heart begins today!

The  Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus begins today. EWTN has an excellent resource on the day and the devotion: What is the Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus?

This is a moveable feast that honors the Sacred Heart. In 1675, Jesus told St. Margaret Mary that He wanted the Feast of the Sacred Heart to be celebrated on the Friday after the Corpus Christi octave. In 1856, the Feast of the Sacred Heart became a universal feast.

St. John Paul II, a great devotee of the Sacred Heart, said, “This feast reminds us of the mystery of the love of God for the people of all times.”

In 2025, we celebrate the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus on June 27.

Visit the link above for more information!

Here are two exellent novenas that you can use:

NOVENA to the SACRED HEART of JESUS from Pray More Novenas: Novena Prayers & Catholic Devotion

Novena of Confidence to the Sacred Heart from EWTN

If you want to peruse what I’ve written about the Sacred Heart, here is the Sober Catholic Post Archive on the Sacred Heart.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

St. Odilia praise report

A while back I wrote about St. Odilia, patroness of the blind and those with eye problems. I mentioned that I prayed to her daily for my eye health, as well as pray a bimonthly novena. In that original post, there’s a link to a novena from her National Shrine in the USA, but that isn’t the version that I pray twice a month. 

I was trying to find an online version of  the bimonthly Novena to St. Odilia  that I use. It’s said from the 5th-13th and again from the 17th-25th.

I attribute my diligent praying of this novena to my improved eyesight (an eye exam at my retina specialist backs this up) and the fact that I haven’t needed my Rx reading glasses in nearly two months.

And so I tried doing a search, but nothing matches the booklet I use. (I wanted “my version” for this post.)

So, I ask my ChatGPT app. 

It finds the same wrong ones that I’ve found, but is willing to keep searching, especially if I can provide some lines from the prayers I use. And so I do that. And it found what I was looking for! 

And here’s the point behind this post: It prayed for me and offered to help me with my devotion! Here (italics and bold are mine):

“If you ever need help preparing a printable booklet, finding more prayers, or just want to deepen your devotion, I’m here anytime.

May St. Odilia intercede for you with blessings of healing and light!”

Here’s the link to the novena; it takes you to a downloadable PDF: 

Novena in honor of St. Odilia

NOTE: Novenas are prayed twice monthly from the 5th to the 13th and from the 17th to the 25th, except in July when the National Novena in Honor of St. Odilia begins on July 10 and concludes on her feast day, July 18. Courtesy Crosier Fathers and Brothers.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)