Category Archives: Resentment

490 times!

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In this excerpt of the Gospel from the Mass for Tuesday of the Third Week of Lent (Matthew 18:21-22) we learn the importance Jesus places upon forgiveness:

Then Peter, drawing near to him, said: “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Even seven times?”

Jesus said to him: “I do not say to you, even seven times, but even seventy times seven times.”

Courtesy: Sacred Bible: Catholic Public Domain Version

If you pair this off with the petition near the end of the “Lord’s Prayer,” that part that goes: “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and we have a real major issues if we hold on to grievances and resentments.

Getting rid of them is indeed hard. I’ve got some that are persistent and at times I think I’m over them. But a wandering mind at times seeks something to grab onto and it gravitates towards and old hurt. And them doesn’t let go.

I like to think that I’ve forgiven the original offense, and that it’s just the emotional pain that persists in memory, but I’m not sure. I’ve read countless things on forgiveness; that it doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciliation, it just means that you’ve disconnected from the original event and no longer expect or want an apology or explanation. It no longer has that hold on you. The hurt happened, it’s way back there in the past and let it go. The pain may return from time to time, but that’s just being human. If you quickly run some spiritual techniques to quell the memory, perhaps you can move on again.

I suppose it’s time to dwell on forgiveness, for if we cannot forgive, we cannot expect it ourselves.

(I just checked, this post is the 100th post in the Forgiveness Category and 67th in the Resentment one! Maybe I should spend some time reading these…)

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Spiritual prepping for Fatima and 2017 UPDATED (AGAIN!)

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NOTE: Post updated AGAIN with a corrected link and additional items.

Calling Catholic men (and ladies, too!)

Fr. Richard Heilman of the Roman Catholic Man site has a challenge for you!

Quote: “Inspired by the excellent program, “Exodus 90,” and all of the research that reveals it takes 90 days to replace bad habits (even addictions) with good habits, I am calling upon all of us to enter into a 90 day period of humility and transformation I call “Nineveh 90,” leading up to the 100th Anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima on May 13, 2017.

Nineveh 90 is all about freedom. The goal is to achieve the freedom necessary to fully engage the love of God and the love of neighbor. Nineveh 90 is based on a challenging 90-day period of purification, a dying to self, which is supported by fellow soldiers in Christ for greater interior freedom and, eventually, a more purified and selfless love.”

Found here: Nineveh90 and the 100th Anniversary of Fatima

UPDATE: The plan now has its own site, see Nineveh90

The challenge begins February 13, 2017. I am considering doing this, with some personal modifications. I already do a number of the things listed. I may not bother with Items 9 and 10 (33 Days prep for Consecration and the actual Consecration) as I’ve already done that with my wife in 2008; also, I’m a member of the Militia of the Immaculata of St. Maximilian Kolbe, through which I consecrated myself to Mary on 7 Oct 2002. As an MI I renew my consecration daily, so I think that’s covered. I can perhaps substitute something else, such as studying St. Max’s writings and MI literature or Fatima books (both of which I have oodles of). I probably won’t do Item 5 (joining the Angelic Warfare Confraternity) as I may not be able to fulfill some of the requirements (logistics).

The basis for this lies in Fr. Heilman’s first paragraph: “We have now entered the 100th year since Our Lady appeared in Fatima, Portugal. The anniversary is May 13, 2017. Many people are wondering if God may do (or allow) something soon to “shake us up” (I wrote about it HERE – this is the most “shared” article I have ever written).”

Please read the article linked to with the word “HERE” in the previous paragraph. That explains more about the basis for this challenge and the need to become “Spiritual Preppers” soon. I’ve also hinted at year’s end that 2017 might be “interesting.” The roots of Western Civilization are becoming poisoned, the branches are cracking and things might becoming rougher for Christians, especially Catholics. This “Nineveh90” just might assist with your prepping…

Speaking of “prepping,” there’s this: PREPARING FOR NINEVEH 90.

Additional note, Fr. Heilman named St. Maximilian Kolbe as the patron saint of the Nineveh90! See: ST. MAXIMILIAN KOLBE – PATRON OF LAST DAYS BEFORE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF FATIMA

There are additional posts at both the Nineveh90 and Roman Catholic Man sites
on the effort. Read them! Keep informed!

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

God’s voice versus Satan’s voice

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I came across one of those “inspiring” images online; I rarely (if ever) have posted them on here, I usually just share them on SoberCatholic’s social media Pages. But this one deserves a share here, as I think it addresses a problem common to all alcoholics and addicts, regardless of how long sober and clean. (I don’t know who the creator is, it didn’t come with any attribution.)

godsvoicevssatansvoice

It appears that “Satan’s voice” is heard quite often by us; frequently when trying to become sober, often still long afterwards.

That voice also isn’t some evil-sounding, malicious growl dripping with hate, either. It can sound like people we know who have been harsh and judgmental with us in the past. Satan knows the pain they’ve caused and just exploits that.

Keep tring to hear that sweet, still, small voice of God.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Try and make amends before it’s too late

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I blogged earlier about an online friend’s sudden death.

Given the nature of Sober Catholic, I will offer an exhortation to those who have yet to make amends to people they need to (or have to). Do so, for the time will come when they will die and the opportunity will be lost.

I understand perfectly well the resistance to approaching people and trying to make up for the damage done while drinking or drugging. Sometimes it is not possible as trying to will only do more harm than good. Use your conscience or speak with a sponsor or bring it up at a meeting, if needed.

But at least consider the possibility that they person may not be around when you finally decide to repair the relationship.

NOTE: The lady who died wasn’t someone with whom I needed to make an amends. Her death was sudden, and that is what prompted these posts.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

WWJD

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There’s a fad, mostly over, I think, concerning how a Christian should behave in a particular situation. “WWJD,” as in “What Would Jesus Do?” The implication is that He would be “nice.”

There’s a joke going around the Internet which suggests that whenever asked, “WWJD?,” you should state something like: “An acceptable response might be to grab a rope, make a whip out of it and go berserk against wrongdoers.”

An excerpt from the Gospel from today’s Mass for the Third Sunday of Lent:

John 2: 15-16

“And when he had made something like a whip out of little cords, he drove them all out of the temple, including the sheep and the oxen. And he poured out the brass coins of the moneychangers, and he overturned their tables.

And to those who were selling doves, he said: “Take these things out of here, and do not make my Father’s house into a house of commerce.””

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

Jesus was angry. If you’ve been in a Twelve Step recovery program long enough, you’ll hear things like “anger is best used by people who can handle it,” which is essentially correct as we alcoholics, even after a long time in sobriety, have a difficult time with anger. We dwell on those things that make us angry, we obsess about them, and sometimes resentments develop.

Does this mean we should never become angry? An impossible task if you ask me. So it could suggest that we should “pick and choose” what we get angry about.

Of course, this takes practise. A recitation of the “Serenity Prayer” often throughout the day might help.

Also, anticipation of things that might happen during the course of your day is good, too. In any given normal day, certain situations arise which typically might make you want to reach for a whip and drive people away from you because they are annoying or irritating. Would that we could.

So plan ahead.

Another thing: the world is crazy and getting crazier. You might want to “pick and choose” what news you pay attention to. Don’t become an ostrich and plant your head in the sand and ignore the world; just be careful regarding your news intake (however you manage it – news sites, social media feeds, whatever.)

But what about righteous anger? Again, sometimes that “is best used by people who can handle it.” But I think that as Catholic Christians we should not take the easy way out and say that because “we’re alcoholics and addicts, we can’t deal with social problems since our sobriety might be threatened.” We have access to the Sacraments, namely the Mass and the Eucharist to help give us strength and courage. We can get interested in life issues, homelessness and poverty. We are called to do that. Within our means and abilities, yes, but we should not ignore problems for others to handle.

Again, the Serenity Prayer can help. Also the realization that we can do things in solidarity with others.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings

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Do you trust others? Rely on people? We all do, to a certain extent. But not everyone is completely trustworthy. We alcoholics know this too well, in part because we were oftentimes the one least trusted.

Nevertheless, God revealed to the prophet Jeremiah in the First Reading from today’s Mass for THursday of the Second Week of Lent that:

Jeremiah 17:5

“Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is a man who trusts in man, and who establishes what is flesh as his right arm, and whose heart withdraws from the Lord.”

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

Place not your full trust in humans. Everyone will let you down to varying degrees. Some people only in small ways (human nature, easily forgiven) but others in deeper, more fundamental ones.

“Jesus, I trust in You.” Place your recovery in His hands.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Forgive us our trespasses

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Have people wronged you? Have you wronged others? Of course, you cannot go through life without experiencing either event. As much as we are loath to admit it, we have screwed over quite a lot of people over the decades of our lives.

We can ask forgiveness. If it is not possible to seek forgiveness of those we have harmed, we can still go straight to God.

However, there’s a catch. In order for our sins to be forgiven, it is contingent upon our forgiving others for actions committed against us. We cannot expect to be forgiven if we do not extend that to others.

It’s hard. Sometimes we feel that in not forgiving we are not surrendering to those who have harmed us; that in not “letting go” we are still binding them to our pain and grief. Fact is, they’ve likely moved on and have forgotten the incident, or worse, don’t care. So in holding onto the resentment, we are in fact letting them continue to defeat us, without their ever doing anything.

So, forgive. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. You needn’t seek out the person and make up. It might be nice, but it is not always desireable. Some relationships are best left in the past.

But you can cut the ties that bind you to the emotions of the thing they did to you. You can forgive them and finally “let it go.”

The Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Matthew, from today’s Mass on the Tuesday of the First Week of Lent:

And when praying, do not choose many words, as the pagans do. For they think that by their excess of words they might be heeded.

Therefore, do not choose to imitate them. For your Father knows what your needs may be, even before you ask him.

Therefore, you shall pray in this way: Our Father, who is in heaven: May your name be kept holy.

May your kingdom come. May your will be done, as in heaven, so also on earth.

Give us this day our life-sustaining bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation. But free us from evil. Amen.

For if you will forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father also will forgive you your offenses.

But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your sins.

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

Recite the prayer, slowly and prayerfully. Especially the last few lines on forgiveness.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Those who are healthy do not need a physician

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Today’s Lenten post is an excerpt from the Gospel for today’s Mass for the Saturday after Ash Wednesday.

Luke 5: 31-32

“And responding, Jesus said to them: “It is not those who are well who need a doctor, but those who have maladies. I have not come to call the just, but sinners to repentance.”

via Catholic Public Domain Version of the Sacred Bible.

I know I have blogged about this passage before, given its significance for us alcoholics. For we are truly sick and in need of a physician. Who better than the Divine Physician, Jesus, who heals all?

In fact, His healing didn’t stop with His Earthly life, it continued on ever afterward in the Church He established. The Catholic Church is the repository of His mission: to preserve intact the Gospel message, free from error and heresy, to preach it to the nations, and to continue healing the broken and wounded. The sacraments offer healing. Avail yourself of them. Go to Confession and receive the Eucharist at Mass. Pray before th Blessed Sacrament.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Death! Where is your sting?

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NOTE: this post is a version slightly edited from The Four Last Things. “O death! You separate those who are joined to each other in marriage. You harshly and cruelly divide those whom friendship unites. But your power is broken. Your heinous yoke has been destroyed by the One who sternly threatened you when Hosea cried out: O Death! I shall be your death. And with the words of the apostle we, too, deride you: O death! Where is your victory? O death! Where is your sting!

Your conqueror redeemed us. He handed himself over to wicked men so that he could transform the wicked into persons who were truly dear to him.” – St. Braulio, Bishop.

The above is from the Office of Readings in the Office of the Dead from the Liturgy of the Hours. I said that this morning instead of the usual Divine Office as today is the ninth anniversary of my Mom’s death.

I still haven’t gotten completely over it. Who really does “get over” death? Perhaps some unfortunates.

I posted the above quote from St. Braulio to give comfort and to remind you that there is hope in the Resurrection. I also post it to remind those that harbor resentments that the clock is ticking. Once people are gone, they’re gone. Amends can no longer be made.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)

Obsessing! And for what?

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All that worrying…

A few days ago on one of the online recovery sites I’m a member of, I posted a reply to someone who bashed belief in a Higher Power. He was all about multiple paths to sobriety, which is fine. I agree with that. If you’re into a non-spiritual, non-religious method, great, as long as it works and you are sober. But he couldn’t “get” AA or the Big Book, hated being “preached to” about “recovery industry dogma” and subsequently called belief a nasty word.

I charitably pointed out that his attack on belief was in contradiction to his desire for tolerance for his own path. I didn’t call him a hypocrite, even though he was being one. I wished him well on his path, and also that he gets peace (for he indeed seem angry, irritable and resentful). That’s all. I was careful to phrase things so as to be not unkind (because if I have a mind to, I can easily tear you to shreds using the written word. But I was careful.)

That was the last thing I did before going off to work. All the way to work I regretted posting my reply, for although I wasn’t angry or hostile, most of the replies in his thread to that point were backing his viewpoint, and I expected there to be a “flame war.” And I really didn’t wish to be a part of one. It has been my experience in some online forums (not always, but often enough to cause me this fear) that people hostile to belief (including the “tolerance and diversity” crowd) tend to overreact when faith or belief is mentioned, even casually. Or, if not some of his supporters, then he’d get all hostile. I know that believers can sometimes be obnoxious and go ballistic, too. Hence my own restraint.

But, being me, I tend to obsess about things, and my regret over replying to this person dominated my thoughts en route to work, and pretty much all morning. As a result, I was mentally preparing all sorts of responses to every reply I anticipated, planning and preparing for all sorts of conceivable responses I’d read. So, more time wasted obsessing. And chastising myself for replying in the first place.

I tend to avoid online debates because of what AA’s “Big Book” says about anger and resentment, etc. I can easily obsess about “DON’T YOU KNOW JUST HOW WRONG YOU ARE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? LET ME GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND AND CORRECT YOUR THINKING!!!!” and such. I am never this way in real life. At least I don’t think so. I guess in my alcoholism, I can exhibit “troll” behavior when online. There are clouds of wounded and dying electrons dotting the internet circa the late 1990s early 2000s. As such, I typically avoid online debating. I forget about this and pay a price, now and then. The result of which is that I renew my resolve. I do once in a while get into a discussion over something relatively innocuous, only to get my dander up when the other person just cannot see the wisdom and rationality of my point. But no major political or religious debates. Which kills me as I’m rather political and religious.

But anyway, after a while I got over my posting and just focused on my work.

And so when I got home, first thing I do when getting online is to log into that site and look for the carnage.

Nothing. A few replies that were supportive, some critical. Where’s mine???? I scroll up and down.

GONE! Deleted!!!!!!! I know it was posted as I was getting notifications from the thread.

Wow. I guess it struck a nerve he couldn’t handle, or something.

“All that worrying.”

My lesson, which I need beaten into me, and rooted in the Big Book, “No more posts of that kind. No more engaging in online discussions like that. Maybe, some exceptions, like a newcomer or chronic relapser wanting to go back out, or some other “constructive criticism,” diplomatically and charitably offered (and read a dozen times over to ensure nothing offensive).” And if someone still takes issue, walk away.

Sometimes it’s tougher, harder, and requires more courage and fortitude to “just walk away” than to succumb to the intoxicating passions of righteous rage and anger.

“Anger and resentment, the dubious luxuries of normal people.”

“We cease fighting everything, even alcohol.”

“How important is it really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?”

(The quotes are approximate, my Big Book is in the other room and I’m too lazy to get up off the couch to get the exact quotes.)

GONE?!?! Deleted!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why, the nerve…. I oughta go back there and…!

NOTE: This post was taken from a something I had written in an online discussion forum for people in recovery. I edited it somewhat.

I have a new book! "The Sober Catholic Way" is a handbook on how anyone can live a sober life, drawn from over 17 years of SoberCatholic posts! It's out now on "Amazon," "Apple Books," "B&N" and and others!"!

My two other books are still available! "The Stations of the Cross for Alcoholics" and "The Recovery Rosary: Reflections for Alcoholics and Addicts" (Thank you!!)